Really, body?

Williamsburg was great. Started out not so good... on the drive down I said "I have a sore throat, I hope this doesn't turn into anything" and within 2 hours I couldn't swallow, was sick to my stomach, sweating and shaking with chills at the same time, had a huge headache and could barely walk. 102.6 fever...tonsillitis plus whatever. Strep & mono: negative (yes, I went to the walk-in clinic on vacation and talked to a gigantic, panting male PA about diahrrea and cold sweats - every girl's dream). I was told I had "big, honkin', angry tonsils." Antibiotics helped, and by Sunday I was able to participate in vacation with my family. We actually had a great time - saw Yorktown, Jamestown Settlement & Colonial Williamsburg - A did really well, loved the pool, didn't have huge public meltdowns (but HATED the aquarium at VA Beach we drove to)...her only issue was sleeping - strange place, strange bed, and as much as we tried it was nearly impossible to keep her schedule & foods the same. Oh well... it was fun, and good to see C relax a bit. He needed it.

Made an appointment with the ENT when I got home - this was my 4th or 5th tonsillitis case since October, plus with the PET scan lighting up, and the progression of symptoms from throat only to fever, chills, stomach upset & feeling like I was hit by a truck, it was time to figure out what was going on. Well, ENT said what I suspected - they have to come out. There's no magic pill, and he doesn't think they are actually getting healthy with antibiotics...I feel better for a while, but they are diseased and the only way to not get sick over and over again is to not have them in.

So I have to have my tonsils out. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of life, I know... the recovery as an adult apparently sucks (2 weeks laid up with bleeding & fever risks), but I can deal. It's the future implications that I'm worried about.

My immune system is rebelling against me.


- I had to have my spleen out a few years ago because of a benign tumor.

- I have been diagnosed with Sjogren's syndrome.. luckily most of my symptoms of this are more annoying than debilitating, but I don't like that my body is attacking itself and will continue to do so for the rest of my life.

- A long time ago, I gave blood, and got a note back that I had antibodies to HTLV - human lymphotropic t cell carcinoma. not that it WAS cancer, but that I haz some blood issues related to it.

- I have enlarged lymph nodes behind my sternum and my stomach (lymph node adenopathy) and underwent CTscans, a PET and a bone marrow biopsy last fall to rule out a host of things, mostly lymphoma. Though it's nice to hear "it's not cancer..." test results being borderline are not exactly comforting, especially when the next words out of your oncologist's mouth are "...yet."

- The tonsils are another part of the immune system, and without them I am freaking out that I have one less defense, and am one step closer to whatever lymphoma is down the line for me.
 
I mean, I know it's not a death sentence and there are people who have it worse. And I know there are over 30 types of lymphoma. And I know most are very treatable. But things start adding up. It's not like Dr. F said I could fire him, tests were fine, I need no follow-up. I need to see him every 6 months and continue to have CT scans to monitor the lymph nodes. With one more part of my immune system being taken away from me, I am really starting to worry....what's next? When will the cancer show up? Is it inevitable?  What else is going on in my body that is causing all these seemingly unrelated things?
 
So I had a minor freak out this morning, here at work, at my desk. I tried calling C, he didn't answer. So, I made an appointment with Dr. F for before the tonsillectomy. I don't even know if he is the right doctor to see. I don't know the effects on your  health when you don't have tonsils...especially when you already have a compromised immune system. I just want to ask him how all these things are related, what the sum total says to him, if anything, and what it means for the future. I hope he has some answers or can direct me to another doc (rheum? endo? immunologist? does that last one even exist?) if he doesn't........
 
I know it's dramatic, but it's hard not to let your mind wander... is my body shutting down? how long until those borderline tests are more definitive? am I gonna see my baby graduate high school? Ok, maybe that last one is a bit much, but you know I thought it.
 
Hmph.