I never link to other blogs...well, except Soul Sistahs. Because I have to, out of love, loyalty and mostly fear.
However, this post or article really spoke to me today.
I belong to an online community of women, some I've "known" for over 5 years, since we were planning our weddings and 'met' on the knot, some of whom have actually become my friends in real life, much to the surprise & snickering of my husband. There is no way to ever agree on all topics, some are more controversial than others, and it is fine and normal to get into debates. But lately there's been some hatin' going on on the board I belong to, where if your opinion doesn't jive with a few of the more vocal ladies... well, you're just plain wrong.
HELLO. It's an OPINION. Yours is yours, mine is mine. Now I know I lean farther to the left than some, as far as political issues go. But I don't care about politics or religion or any of that crap right now. I get that I may be seen as naive, but to me, you're entitled to your view on an issue and I'm entitled to mine. I'll hear your side, and respect it as your view, but I don't have to agree with you any more than you have to agree with me. Unless it directly affects my life or that of my family, it's not worth arguing over. And dude, people get HEATED. About stupid shit like child leashes/harnesses. Organic vs. non organic food & milk. Giving children juice. When to take your kid to the dentist. Rear facing vs. front facing carseats and what age to change. VBAC vs. Repeat C-Section. Breastfeeding vs. formula feeding (OY). What ever happened to a) do unto others as you'd have done unto you and b) to each their own??
It's not just my little microcosm of women that is affected (afflicted?). There are some haters - SO many of whom are just plain ignorant - that feel the need to spew their hate on perfect strangers on a national or large scale forum, like facebook, cnn, local news channel websites, etc. in the form of comments beneath an article. The TIME article & cover photo about extended breastfeeding is a perfect example of this. Man, that photo is awful. So tasteless and I think that mom will grow to regret it, if she doesn't already. BUT. The comments calling her a child molester, incestuous, etc. are revolting. Do I want to see a 3-4 year old breastfeeding openly? Nope. I don't. That is my opinion - it makes me uncomfortable. But I'll be damned if I fault a mother for choosing to do this for her child. And child abuse? Come on. That's just absurd. I don't even understand why people feel the need to post their comments on articles like that, or facebook stories, or whatever the case may be. Other than to garner attention & stir a pot, what purpose does it serve?
Anyway, the hate out there is just too much. My little online community is not exempt from it, no matter how much people claim to be there for each other, supportive in times of need, open minded, and accepting. And this article summed it up really well for me, so I wanted to share.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Friday, May 11, 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
I need to make this blog more interesting...
So, Jess of Soul Sistahs opened my eyes to the fact that she has people from all over the world viewing her blog. I may be her only follower, but I never even knew I could track who saw what I wrote. Um, Indonesia, Ukraine, Slovenia, Netherlands....Really?? This is an amazing thing...but also pathetic because no one reads this. On the one hand, I don't care - this is mostly a journal for me and for A down the road. But on the other, sometimes I have funny shit to say (well, I think I'm funny...) and I don't usually blog it because no one reads it. So there's my dilemma...no one reads me because I don't say anything pertinent or funny to anyone else, but I don't really write everything I think about or frequently enough to make a difference in my viewership.
So maybe I'll turn over a new leaf and write more often, more detailed, and more random crap. Like about my annoying coworkers...and the Whole30 cleanse/jumpstart diet I'm on right now...and Jethro getting bit at camp, my poor baby boy...and Allie still pooping in her pants... I have endless things to write about, though not endless time to write. So, there may be an influx of posts coming from Cartzy soon. or, more likely, I'll forget about this new found motivation and come back in a month for another 'sorry i'm a crappy mommy/blogger/journaler' update type post. Yeah, that's probably what will happen. But it's a good thought...
So maybe I'll turn over a new leaf and write more often, more detailed, and more random crap. Like about my annoying coworkers...and the Whole30 cleanse/jumpstart diet I'm on right now...and Jethro getting bit at camp, my poor baby boy...and Allie still pooping in her pants... I have endless things to write about, though not endless time to write. So, there may be an influx of posts coming from Cartzy soon. or, more likely, I'll forget about this new found motivation and come back in a month for another 'sorry i'm a crappy mommy/blogger/journaler' update type post. Yeah, that's probably what will happen. But it's a good thought...
Friday, June 10, 2011
Really, body?
Williamsburg was great. Started out not so good... on the drive down I said "I have a sore throat, I hope this doesn't turn into anything" and within 2 hours I couldn't swallow, was sick to my stomach, sweating and shaking with chills at the same time, had a huge headache and could barely walk. 102.6 fever...tonsillitis plus whatever. Strep & mono: negative (yes, I went to the walk-in clinic on vacation and talked to a gigantic, panting male PA about diahrrea and cold sweats - every girl's dream). I was told I had "big, honkin', angry tonsils." Antibiotics helped, and by Sunday I was able to participate in vacation with my family. We actually had a great time - saw Yorktown, Jamestown Settlement & Colonial Williamsburg - A did really well, loved the pool, didn't have huge public meltdowns (but HATED the aquarium at VA Beach we drove to)...her only issue was sleeping - strange place, strange bed, and as much as we tried it was nearly impossible to keep her schedule & foods the same. Oh well... it was fun, and good to see C relax a bit. He needed it.
Made an appointment with the ENT when I got home - this was my 4th or 5th tonsillitis case since October, plus with the PET scan lighting up, and the progression of symptoms from throat only to fever, chills, stomach upset & feeling like I was hit by a truck, it was time to figure out what was going on. Well, ENT said what I suspected - they have to come out. There's no magic pill, and he doesn't think they are actually getting healthy with antibiotics...I feel better for a while, but they are diseased and the only way to not get sick over and over again is to not have them in.
So I have to have my tonsils out. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of life, I know... the recovery as an adult apparently sucks (2 weeks laid up with bleeding & fever risks), but I can deal. It's the future implications that I'm worried about.
My immune system is rebelling against me.
- I had to have my spleen out a few years ago because of a benign tumor.
- I have been diagnosed with Sjogren's syndrome.. luckily most of my symptoms of this are more annoying than debilitating, but I don't like that my body is attacking itself and will continue to do so for the rest of my life.
- A long time ago, I gave blood, and got a note back that I had antibodies to HTLV - human lymphotropic t cell carcinoma. not that it WAS cancer, but that I haz some blood issues related to it.
- I have enlarged lymph nodes behind my sternum and my stomach (lymph node adenopathy) and underwent CTscans, a PET and a bone marrow biopsy last fall to rule out a host of things, mostly lymphoma. Though it's nice to hear "it's not cancer..." test results being borderline are not exactly comforting, especially when the next words out of your oncologist's mouth are "...yet."
- The tonsils are another part of the immune system, and without them I am freaking out that I have one less defense, and am one step closer to whatever lymphoma is down the line for me.
I mean, I know it's not a death sentence and there are people who have it worse. And I know there are over 30 types of lymphoma. And I know most are very treatable. But things start adding up. It's not like Dr. F said I could fire him, tests were fine, I need no follow-up. I need to see him every 6 months and continue to have CT scans to monitor the lymph nodes. With one more part of my immune system being taken away from me, I am really starting to worry....what's next? When will the cancer show up? Is it inevitable? What else is going on in my body that is causing all these seemingly unrelated things?
So I had a minor freak out this morning, here at work, at my desk. I tried calling C, he didn't answer. So, I made an appointment with Dr. F for before the tonsillectomy. I don't even know if he is the right doctor to see. I don't know the effects on your health when you don't have tonsils...especially when you already have a compromised immune system. I just want to ask him how all these things are related, what the sum total says to him, if anything, and what it means for the future. I hope he has some answers or can direct me to another doc (rheum? endo? immunologist? does that last one even exist?) if he doesn't........
I know it's dramatic, but it's hard not to let your mind wander... is my body shutting down? how long until those borderline tests are more definitive? am I gonna see my baby graduate high school? Ok, maybe that last one is a bit much, but you know I thought it.
Hmph.
Made an appointment with the ENT when I got home - this was my 4th or 5th tonsillitis case since October, plus with the PET scan lighting up, and the progression of symptoms from throat only to fever, chills, stomach upset & feeling like I was hit by a truck, it was time to figure out what was going on. Well, ENT said what I suspected - they have to come out. There's no magic pill, and he doesn't think they are actually getting healthy with antibiotics...I feel better for a while, but they are diseased and the only way to not get sick over and over again is to not have them in.
So I have to have my tonsils out. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of life, I know... the recovery as an adult apparently sucks (2 weeks laid up with bleeding & fever risks), but I can deal. It's the future implications that I'm worried about.
My immune system is rebelling against me.
- I had to have my spleen out a few years ago because of a benign tumor.
- I have been diagnosed with Sjogren's syndrome.. luckily most of my symptoms of this are more annoying than debilitating, but I don't like that my body is attacking itself and will continue to do so for the rest of my life.
- A long time ago, I gave blood, and got a note back that I had antibodies to HTLV - human lymphotropic t cell carcinoma. not that it WAS cancer, but that I haz some blood issues related to it.
- I have enlarged lymph nodes behind my sternum and my stomach (lymph node adenopathy) and underwent CTscans, a PET and a bone marrow biopsy last fall to rule out a host of things, mostly lymphoma. Though it's nice to hear "it's not cancer..." test results being borderline are not exactly comforting, especially when the next words out of your oncologist's mouth are "...yet."
- The tonsils are another part of the immune system, and without them I am freaking out that I have one less defense, and am one step closer to whatever lymphoma is down the line for me.
I mean, I know it's not a death sentence and there are people who have it worse. And I know there are over 30 types of lymphoma. And I know most are very treatable. But things start adding up. It's not like Dr. F said I could fire him, tests were fine, I need no follow-up. I need to see him every 6 months and continue to have CT scans to monitor the lymph nodes. With one more part of my immune system being taken away from me, I am really starting to worry....what's next? When will the cancer show up? Is it inevitable? What else is going on in my body that is causing all these seemingly unrelated things?
So I had a minor freak out this morning, here at work, at my desk. I tried calling C, he didn't answer. So, I made an appointment with Dr. F for before the tonsillectomy. I don't even know if he is the right doctor to see. I don't know the effects on your health when you don't have tonsils...especially when you already have a compromised immune system. I just want to ask him how all these things are related, what the sum total says to him, if anything, and what it means for the future. I hope he has some answers or can direct me to another doc (rheum? endo? immunologist? does that last one even exist?) if he doesn't........
I know it's dramatic, but it's hard not to let your mind wander... is my body shutting down? how long until those borderline tests are more definitive? am I gonna see my baby graduate high school? Ok, maybe that last one is a bit much, but you know I thought it.
Hmph.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Things that go bump in the night...
I like to think of myself as a strong, independent woman - someone who can take care of herself and isn't afraid of much. I've walked the streets of DC at 2am, interviewing witnesses to crimes... I've walked through crack houses... I've testified under oath in court... I've been in and out of jails and prisons to visit and interview convicted and accused criminals... I've stared true evil in the face without flinching... I worked 2 jobs while going to school full time and maintaining a relationship... I pushed a baby out of ...well, you know.
I can blame the kid, I suppose, but things have changed in the fear factor department. I'm now a wuss.
When C travels, I'm slightly paranoid being home alone, especially over night. I never used to be, but I have become a little OCD, making sure doors & windows are locked and A is still in her bed when I go to sleep (yeah, because someone climbed up about 20 feet with no foot-holds and kidnapped her without me or Jethro hearing...right).
Last night, I went to bed a little before 11, and was awoken by the sound of falling tupperware at about 3:30. Now, in our house, tupperware falls all the time. We absolutely can not keep it organized. (That's a whole other post, accompanied by pictures). But there was no reason for it to fall on the floor in the kitchen at 3:30. I blamed the wind shaking the house, or something, and sorta dozed...until I heard a THUD at about 4:30. I had no husband to make go downstairs while I cowered in bed. I had no baseball bat. Or mace. So all by my lonesome, I crept downstairs, turning on EVERY light in the house and poking my head around corners, all while holding my breath and waiting to be ambushed.
It was ridiculous. I was ridiculous.
It was probably some noise outside, or the wind blowing a trash can lid, or a million other things besides someone breaking into my house. But that's where my head goes now. Just like every time I get into an elevator I expect to see a body laying in it when the door opens. There, I said it out loud. But I digress.
Last night I was so stupid. The likelihood of some intruder being in my house is slim to none. I know it intuitively, but I want to protect my baby - and that trumps logic every time. I finally did fall asleep for about 45 more minutes, until the dog started whining to go out and I finally just got up for the day to make lunches & get both kids to daycare (yes, I even brought the dog WAY out of my way because I feel so bad that he's cooped up all week & tomorrow / Thurs will be too snowy for me to bring him).
Also... I didn't check the basement, so there could be someone hiding down there, and I don't want them to hurt my puppy.
I'm pathetic.
I can blame the kid, I suppose, but things have changed in the fear factor department. I'm now a wuss.
When C travels, I'm slightly paranoid being home alone, especially over night. I never used to be, but I have become a little OCD, making sure doors & windows are locked and A is still in her bed when I go to sleep (yeah, because someone climbed up about 20 feet with no foot-holds and kidnapped her without me or Jethro hearing...right).
Last night, I went to bed a little before 11, and was awoken by the sound of falling tupperware at about 3:30. Now, in our house, tupperware falls all the time. We absolutely can not keep it organized. (That's a whole other post, accompanied by pictures). But there was no reason for it to fall on the floor in the kitchen at 3:30. I blamed the wind shaking the house, or something, and sorta dozed...until I heard a THUD at about 4:30. I had no husband to make go downstairs while I cowered in bed. I had no baseball bat. Or mace. So all by my lonesome, I crept downstairs, turning on EVERY light in the house and poking my head around corners, all while holding my breath and waiting to be ambushed.
It was ridiculous. I was ridiculous.
It was probably some noise outside, or the wind blowing a trash can lid, or a million other things besides someone breaking into my house. But that's where my head goes now. Just like every time I get into an elevator I expect to see a body laying in it when the door opens. There, I said it out loud. But I digress.
Last night I was so stupid. The likelihood of some intruder being in my house is slim to none. I know it intuitively, but I want to protect my baby - and that trumps logic every time. I finally did fall asleep for about 45 more minutes, until the dog started whining to go out and I finally just got up for the day to make lunches & get both kids to daycare (yes, I even brought the dog WAY out of my way because I feel so bad that he's cooped up all week & tomorrow / Thurs will be too snowy for me to bring him).
Also... I didn't check the basement, so there could be someone hiding down there, and I don't want them to hurt my puppy.
I'm pathetic.
Monday, March 21, 2011
My daughter has an accent.
And I think it's hysterical. She doesn't really say long vowels yet, so when she says hi and bye, she sounds like a southern belle. haaah, baah baaah.. SO cute. If I do say so myself.
And remember all the words? Tack on No. Thanks, Daycare. Yep, as hard as I tried not to use it frequently and to ignore her when she started to say it here and there, it's her new fave. Accompanied, of course, with a whap - she loves to hit. The best part? She says it like a french woman - Nuh, sorta, with an elongated "n" sound. This morning she woke up and the first things out of her mouth to me were "no" and then "Mo Mo". I just laughed... I said, 'Really, babe? The first thing you think of in the morning is Elmo??' haha. Seriously. Can my kid get any more adorable? Just you wait, I'm sure she'll do something else I think is the greatest thing ever in a few days. And you'll agree. Because it's true.
Back in the real world...
C is travelling this week, so it's me, the pup & the babe on our own. We'll manage. It's a lot of work and I feel bad that J won't get to go to camp at all...if it's nice out, I'll try to get out with them for walks... but it's snow-raining today (welcome, Spring), and I think it's gonna be really cold all week. However... I slept amazingly last night. Sorry, C. But without you snoring, groaning, coughing, pulling covers, causing an earthquake when you roll over, kicking/punching me, I do just fine. I thought I'd take over his side of the bed, but I stayed in one spot all night hardly moved at all. I woke up and saw the clock at about 5:45 -- over hours of uninterrupted sleep! I felt refreshed for the first time in a LONG time this morning when I got up at 6:30 for good. Of course, it helps that A slept through the night...or at least I didn't hear her if she woke up!
I do miss the hubs though. This is his longest trip, and longest time away from A... He misses her a ton. So last night after dinner, we made finger paintings for him, and I'm sending them to his hotel for a little surprise gift. He'll love 'em! Sometimes I'm a good wifey. Sometimes.
In other news.....vacations are BOOKED! We're going on 2 this year, and I couldn't be more excited. Ok, I could, if we were going somewhere tropical, but we decided to go the money-saving route this time.. Not that they are cheapo vacations, but Maine & Williamsburg await, and I'm so grateful that we have two breaks to look forward to! I seriously can't wait... and C needs it more than I do before he goes nuts. That's a whole nother story!
And remember all the words? Tack on No. Thanks, Daycare. Yep, as hard as I tried not to use it frequently and to ignore her when she started to say it here and there, it's her new fave. Accompanied, of course, with a whap - she loves to hit. The best part? She says it like a french woman - Nuh, sorta, with an elongated "n" sound. This morning she woke up and the first things out of her mouth to me were "no" and then "Mo Mo". I just laughed... I said, 'Really, babe? The first thing you think of in the morning is Elmo??' haha. Seriously. Can my kid get any more adorable? Just you wait, I'm sure she'll do something else I think is the greatest thing ever in a few days. And you'll agree. Because it's true.
Back in the real world...
C is travelling this week, so it's me, the pup & the babe on our own. We'll manage. It's a lot of work and I feel bad that J won't get to go to camp at all...if it's nice out, I'll try to get out with them for walks... but it's snow-raining today (welcome, Spring), and I think it's gonna be really cold all week. However... I slept amazingly last night. Sorry, C. But without you snoring, groaning, coughing, pulling covers, causing an earthquake when you roll over, kicking/punching me, I do just fine. I thought I'd take over his side of the bed, but I stayed in one spot all night hardly moved at all. I woke up and saw the clock at about 5:45 -- over hours of uninterrupted sleep! I felt refreshed for the first time in a LONG time this morning when I got up at 6:30 for good. Of course, it helps that A slept through the night...or at least I didn't hear her if she woke up!
I do miss the hubs though. This is his longest trip, and longest time away from A... He misses her a ton. So last night after dinner, we made finger paintings for him, and I'm sending them to his hotel for a little surprise gift. He'll love 'em! Sometimes I'm a good wifey. Sometimes.
In other news.....vacations are BOOKED! We're going on 2 this year, and I couldn't be more excited. Ok, I could, if we were going somewhere tropical, but we decided to go the money-saving route this time.. Not that they are cheapo vacations, but Maine & Williamsburg await, and I'm so grateful that we have two breaks to look forward to! I seriously can't wait... and C needs it more than I do before he goes nuts. That's a whole nother story!
Thursday, September 9, 2010
No words
I don't know what to say. I try to be comforting, or helpful, or a silly distraction, but what the hell do you say to a person who's husband has just died?? Yes, he passed away on Sunday Sept. 5th... Yesterday would have been their 3rd anniversary, and tomorrow is his funeral. What an awful week.
To me, it doesn't matter that I didn't know him personally - I have wept for her loss as if I knew him all my life. I can't imagine her grief, her sadness, confusion, anger....she shouldn't have to be dealing with any of those emotions. Again I say, not fair.
And I don't know what else to say. In this entry, to her, at all.
To me, it doesn't matter that I didn't know him personally - I have wept for her loss as if I knew him all my life. I can't imagine her grief, her sadness, confusion, anger....she shouldn't have to be dealing with any of those emotions. Again I say, not fair.
And I don't know what else to say. In this entry, to her, at all.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Not fair.
Sometimes, there is no other way to put it but to say life is not fair. Maybe it sounds like a childish tantrum, but it's true.
Right now, a friend is watching her husband fade away after a long, courageous battle with cancer. She's 31, and has to face a reality of a life without her partner. I can't fathom how she is feeling, and I hate that she is going through this. I feel useless, like I can't help her at all.......and I can only imagine that she feels the same way about not being able to do anything for him.
She's seen cancer steal his energy, his positive attitude, his body, and everything else that he used to be. I think she's handled it with more grace than I ever could. Yes, they've fought. Yes, she's been angry with him and with the world. Yes, she feels bitter and jaded and numb. But I can't blame her. She doesn't give herself enough credit for her strength & resilience. So she cries. Sometimes even breaks down completely. Big deal. Wouldn't you? She loves her husband, and is helplessly watching him die. What could be worse?
My friend, "sorry" seems beyond inadequate to tell you how I feel about what you are going through. You don't deserve this - to lose your husband, to be a widow, to have to make such hard decisions on your own. It's too fast, and too difficult, too painful, and just plain awful. But you are amazing. You have been his rock and his strength when he didn't have any of his own, his logic & level-head when he couldn't think straight, his fight when he wanted to give up, and his energy when he was too tired to get through the day. I bet you didn't even know you had that strength, fight & energy in you. I know you are exhausted, but you muster it up somehow because you love him. If that's not a testament to true love.... You have shown grace in a terrible situation, and while I know you won't take credit, you have kept him going in his battle.
No, her husband's fight is not about me. At all. I know that. But, right now, I'm on the outside looking in. Hearing small bits of info from her, and more details from another friend, and not being able to do anything to lift her burden or protect her from hurting.
So I am left to think about what I would do in her situation, and I honestly don't know. I know one thing for sure, I wouldn't handle it with such dignity and poise as she is. I don't know how I'd get through it, how I'd be able to care for A without C, how I'd be able to explain to A where her daddy went... C and I have struggled so much this year - in our communication, our treatment of each other, our ability to forgive... Just last night I told him I had doubts about whether we would make it...Awful, I know. He was so hurt, and took it to mean that I didn't want to make it, which couldn't be farther from the truth. She shouldn't be an example, and I know wouldn't want to be seen as such, so this seems selfish even saying it... But seeing my friend go through this puts everything in perspective. I have C here. He is in control of his diabetes right now which means he is as healthy as he can be for now, and I have to work harder. At my attitude, at my response and reaction to him, at my temper and my mouth, at my contributions to our relationship, at being able to forgive, at being more flexible, at being appreciative and thankful, and at being a better friend and wife to him. Because if I were to lose him, I'd have too many regrets, too many things I'd look back on and hate myself for. I am lucky to have him here, right now, and that is the most important thing. Not whether he fed the baby overnight, or worked late, or didn't ask me how my day was. He's here.
I don't know how to end this post. So I'll just end it.
Right now, a friend is watching her husband fade away after a long, courageous battle with cancer. She's 31, and has to face a reality of a life without her partner. I can't fathom how she is feeling, and I hate that she is going through this. I feel useless, like I can't help her at all.......and I can only imagine that she feels the same way about not being able to do anything for him.
She's seen cancer steal his energy, his positive attitude, his body, and everything else that he used to be. I think she's handled it with more grace than I ever could. Yes, they've fought. Yes, she's been angry with him and with the world. Yes, she feels bitter and jaded and numb. But I can't blame her. She doesn't give herself enough credit for her strength & resilience. So she cries. Sometimes even breaks down completely. Big deal. Wouldn't you? She loves her husband, and is helplessly watching him die. What could be worse?
My friend, "sorry" seems beyond inadequate to tell you how I feel about what you are going through. You don't deserve this - to lose your husband, to be a widow, to have to make such hard decisions on your own. It's too fast, and too difficult, too painful, and just plain awful. But you are amazing. You have been his rock and his strength when he didn't have any of his own, his logic & level-head when he couldn't think straight, his fight when he wanted to give up, and his energy when he was too tired to get through the day. I bet you didn't even know you had that strength, fight & energy in you. I know you are exhausted, but you muster it up somehow because you love him. If that's not a testament to true love.... You have shown grace in a terrible situation, and while I know you won't take credit, you have kept him going in his battle.
No, her husband's fight is not about me. At all. I know that. But, right now, I'm on the outside looking in. Hearing small bits of info from her, and more details from another friend, and not being able to do anything to lift her burden or protect her from hurting.
So I am left to think about what I would do in her situation, and I honestly don't know. I know one thing for sure, I wouldn't handle it with such dignity and poise as she is. I don't know how I'd get through it, how I'd be able to care for A without C, how I'd be able to explain to A where her daddy went... C and I have struggled so much this year - in our communication, our treatment of each other, our ability to forgive... Just last night I told him I had doubts about whether we would make it...Awful, I know. He was so hurt, and took it to mean that I didn't want to make it, which couldn't be farther from the truth. She shouldn't be an example, and I know wouldn't want to be seen as such, so this seems selfish even saying it... But seeing my friend go through this puts everything in perspective. I have C here. He is in control of his diabetes right now which means he is as healthy as he can be for now, and I have to work harder. At my attitude, at my response and reaction to him, at my temper and my mouth, at my contributions to our relationship, at being able to forgive, at being more flexible, at being appreciative and thankful, and at being a better friend and wife to him. Because if I were to lose him, I'd have too many regrets, too many things I'd look back on and hate myself for. I am lucky to have him here, right now, and that is the most important thing. Not whether he fed the baby overnight, or worked late, or didn't ask me how my day was. He's here.
I don't know how to end this post. So I'll just end it.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Happiness is...
....seeing A instantly light up with a smile and reach for me when I walk into a room
....an old friend fighting through heartbreak to finally meet her beautiful baby girl
....a nap in the warm sunshine
....having the baby sleep through the night
....finally breaking through at work and getting into a good flow
....friends getting together just because
....waking up to A's laughter over the monitor
....a good hair day.....ok, a day where my hair doesn't look like a chia pet
....1lb down on the scale
....puppy kisses
....hand holding
....clean sheets
....walking barefoot in the sand - but only if it's not too hot!
....seeing others who deserve happiness truly experience it
What else? I've been so reflective lately for some reason - both on what I should be grateful for and what I should let go of. Some of these seem cheesy, I know. But so much has happened recently that I think it's important to take stock sometimes, to notice small details, seemingly insignificant words, or tiny gestures that end up making a difference. Perspective is a gift, and when it shows up, I try to really, really pay attention.
....an old friend fighting through heartbreak to finally meet her beautiful baby girl
....a nap in the warm sunshine
....having the baby sleep through the night
....finally breaking through at work and getting into a good flow
....friends getting together just because
....waking up to A's laughter over the monitor
....a good hair day.....ok, a day where my hair doesn't look like a chia pet
....1lb down on the scale
....puppy kisses
....hand holding
....clean sheets
....walking barefoot in the sand - but only if it's not too hot!
....seeing others who deserve happiness truly experience it
What else? I've been so reflective lately for some reason - both on what I should be grateful for and what I should let go of. Some of these seem cheesy, I know. But so much has happened recently that I think it's important to take stock sometimes, to notice small details, seemingly insignificant words, or tiny gestures that end up making a difference. Perspective is a gift, and when it shows up, I try to really, really pay attention.
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