tired

I'm exhausted. Like really, really tired. Like toothpicks need to hold my eyelids open tired. A has decided it's not cool to sleep longer than 4 hours in a row, and is up at least 2x a night. I think teeth are about to pop through, and I can't imagine how awful that feels, but come on, baby. Sleep, dammit!

I did a mini experiment where I went gluten free for 10 days, and have never felt better. Honestly. I had so much more energy, I didn't feel sluggish & I lost 3 lbs. I did a lot of research (thank you, Dr. Google), and so many of the symptoms I have experienced for many years sound like Celiac...But to get tested, I have to be eating regularly. So, I feel like crap again, and gained the weight back that I lost that week. Anyway, I get tested in about 3 weeks, and regardless of the results, I'm going as GF as possible. 

This weekend is a MUCH needed girls' weekend in Philly with two of my buds from grad school who have both moved to DC and are doing fun federal jobs at the FBI and US Postal Inspection Service. Jealous. As much as I will miss my babe, I am so excited to get away, have some girl time, some me-time, and sleeeeep. Hopefully this will recharge my batteries a bit.... I've been dragging, and I don't feel funny. I mean that literally. You may think I'm never funny, and that's fine. But I have my moments. And they are fewer and fewer these days. So. Here's to a weekend in the city of brotherly love, filled with giggles, wine, good food, good stories, mani/pedis, Cleopatra, and sleep.

No words

I don't know what to say. I try to be comforting, or helpful, or a silly distraction, but what the hell do you say to a person who's husband has just died?? Yes, he passed away on Sunday Sept. 5th... Yesterday would have been their 3rd anniversary, and tomorrow is his funeral. What an awful week.

To me, it doesn't matter that I didn't know him personally - I have wept for her loss as if I knew him all my life. I can't imagine her grief, her sadness, confusion, anger....she shouldn't  have to be dealing with any of those emotions. Again I say, not fair.

And I don't know what else to say. In this entry, to her, at all.

She did it!

So my baby had her surgery...and did a lot better than I did. Tues. Sept 7th we went in at 6:30 am, her surgery was at 7:30 and we were already on the road home by 8:30. But the in between stuff was not fun! I went with her into the OR while she was put under - one of the scariest things ever. Her eyes were looking up at me, helpless and terrified, and all I could do was say, I love you, Mommy's right here, it's ok baby..... and hear her muffled cries under the mask. Torture. As soon as she was asleep they pushed me out of the room, and I turned to look at her one last time and she was just so tiny on that big gurney.

And I lost it.

I cried in the waiting room with C, but the doc came out less than 15 mins later and told us it all went well -- and that there as a lot of fluid in both ears, so she would hear better even that day. What a relief! We were *mostly* confident in our decision, but that helped us know we made the right choice to do the surgery now, when she was so young.

We went to see her in recovery, and she was so small we both overlooked her bed, thinking it was just a pile of blankets or sheets waiting to be changed..... She woke up unhappy, crying, scared, and confused, but drank some apple juice (she wasn't eating much over the weekend, and hadn't had a bottle or anything to drink since 7:30 the night before - this was over 12 hours later) and calmed down by the time we were ready to go. She just needed some cuddles!

She fell asleep in the car on the way home, and slept for about 2 hours....and was back to her normal, happy, giggling self right away. A little bloody discharge is still coming out of the ears, but overall she's doing great. Tylenol is our friend --- as soon as it wears off, she's reaching for the ears and whining a bit, but hopefully she'll feel no discomfort in a day or so.

So, great success! :) And PHEW -- what a relief!