Yes. Its been 8 months since I posted -- to be honest, I kind of forgot about the blog! But today I'm here not to post about my baby (who is now over 3, and amazes me every day with her intelligence, cleverness, humor, sensitivity, and ability to see beauty in everything so is TOTALLY post-worthy), but because the internet is an amazing thing.
Rena Parab was my best friend when I was a kid -- like, kindergarten/first/second grade. I lived in MA at the time, and I still remember Rena's face, her smile, her laugh, and her family. Rena was sick - even as kids we could grasp some of it. She missed school, she had doctor's visits, she couldn't play sometimes because she wasn't feeling well... She had Cancer, Leukemia if I remember correctly. My family moved to VA, and Rena and I got those Best Friends necklaces...the ones where each girl wears half the heart? We wrote letters, but there's only so much pen palling a kid can do. And then one day we got a phone call.... Friends from MA called to tell me Rena had died. As a kid, you know Cancer is bad - you know your friend is sick - you wish you could see her because you miss her... but you never know it's THAT dire. And being away, I couldn't see first hand if she was well or getting sicker.
I don't remember the date of the call, I know from online that it was 1991, so we must have moved to CT already but it is so foggy. Part of the phone call is etched in my mind forever. 11ish years old, and I'll never forget. Lori Berkeley (who had a twin named Katie - I was friends with both) called to tell me Rena had died. We got disconnected for some reason - it was heart wrenching being told such devastating news, and then cut off. I just sobbed.... and finally the phone rang again and I got a little more info. I truly don't remember anything that was said. I cried and cried into my mom's lap and shoulder for hours, and was tormented that I couldn't go to MA to say goodbye.
I've never forgotten Rena. Ever. She is unforgettable. I always wore the necklace. I lost it one day on the playground in CT - cried and searched for hours, and then every day after that had my eyes on the ground hoping to see a shiny gold chain catch the sun. I never found it and I still hate that I don't have it - she was my best friend, she really was, and I had nothing to remember her or honor her with.
Now and then I Google her, to see if I can find family or an article or a donation made in her name. Today was one of those days. I Googled & found a blog that talked about her. A woman had very creatively knitted an adorable doll for her niece...and named it Rena, after her friend who had died too young of cancer. Who else could it be? I don't remember the girl, I don't think... but I commented on the post & she wrote me back and we're starting to see where the connection is - besides Rena of course. Maybe we were friends too? Very much looking forward to finding out more.
Tiny yet powerful, full of love and hope and spunk, she's connecting people hundreds of miles away and 20 years later. The blogger said something in her post that I'll echo because today I feel it completely:
Sometimes life's mysteries are just too good...
Friday, April 5, 2013
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Things I need to write down
I've been telling my mom A's funny statements and she was like, I hope you have been writing this down! Of course, I haven't. So... here are a few recent funnies from my little lady.
New Baby, her beloved doll, does not wear clothes. If I put them on, A takes them off. Anyway. She's been fighting sleep for weeks - stalling with cries that she has to go to the bathroom, she wants water, and anything else she can think of. One night, I knew she was still awake when she had been put to sleep a while ago, but it was too quiet....I walked in and saw that her hands were all shiny - and she had that look on her face. Guilt.
Me: Allie, what's going on?
A: New Baby had a boo boo. I gave her medicine.
Me: What happened?
A: I put medicine on her bum and 'gina. I'm a good mommy. Her my baby.
And I don't know how she reached it but, yes, there was aquaphor all over New Baby's bum and 'gina. And Allie's hands. And hair. And bed.
Since we moved her to a twin bed (out of the crib) in April or May (ish), we've had a gate at her door. She's pretty much potty trained, but has a diaper on at night still, and will often hold her poop until the diap is on. Inevitably, after an hour of sitting on the toilet, she says she doesn't have to go, we get her ready for bed, put the diap on, turn off the light and within 5 minutes we hear ... "Mommy? I went poopy in my diaper. Get a bag." hahaha. Because we bring shopping bags upstairs to throw out soiled diapers. And she knows it.
Anyway, with the gate up, she gets pissed when we want her to go to bed and has peed in her room on the floor several times - basically just to spite us. That's my kid. Finally we decided to gate the hallway/stairwell, our room, and the guest room, but allow her to walk from her room to the bathroom if she needed to go. We knew this would cause the bedtime shenanigans and stalling to continue for a little until the novelty wore off. But we were sick of cleaning pee multiple times, going up and down the stairs 30 times between 8 and sometimes 10PM until she finally fell asleep. And yes, we tried the "don't look her in the eye, put her in bed without a word" bit. It didn't fly with any of us. The gate's finally down, and we often hear the water running in the bathroom. Oh well, let her play, she'll get bored. Or so we thought.
Last night, C goes up and apparently finds A with her shirt off in the bathroom.
C: Allie, what are you doing honey?
A: Putting toothpaste on my pits.
Yup, my kid rubbed toothpaste all over herself, and in her pits.
Today, she had a poop blowout in her undies at school - a rare thing for her. As I said she'll either wait till she has a diaper on or go in the potty (at which time we throw a PARTY and she gets a prize and tons of praise, high fives, hugs & lots of cheers and fist pumps). Anyway, I picked her up from school and asked her about it as we were getting into the car.
Me: Did you have a poopy accident today?
A: Yeah.
Me (trying to ascertain if it was solid or diarrhea): What did it look like?
A: A small dinosaur.
I didn't even know what to say to that!
We love to go blueberry picking & we go several times a summer. One time we picked peaches, and she pulled them out and lined them up on the ground & made a train...then a rainbow. She just sat there with her peaches. She will also pick pounds of blues and eat every single one - leaving a completely empty bucket.
She "hides" from C --which means she just puts her head down and curls up on the couch so she can't see him....or puts a blanket over herself while giggling & moving around. Its so cute that she thinks if she can't see us, we can't see her.
She calls Jethro her brother.
In tonight's stalling techniques, she said she had to poop. So I was sitting on the side of the tub and she says: You don't love me. I love New Baby.
Me: I love you AND New Baby but I love you more than anything in the world.
A: No. I love New Baby. I'm her Mommy.
Me: You're a great mommy to New Baby.
A: Who's New Baby's Daddy?
Me: ::Dearinheadlights:: I don't know honey. But you're a great mommy.
She calls things "grody" and I love it.
I know there's a million things I promised myself I'd remember but don't... so sometimes I may just write a stream of consciousness post so I really don't forget.
New Baby, her beloved doll, does not wear clothes. If I put them on, A takes them off. Anyway. She's been fighting sleep for weeks - stalling with cries that she has to go to the bathroom, she wants water, and anything else she can think of. One night, I knew she was still awake when she had been put to sleep a while ago, but it was too quiet....I walked in and saw that her hands were all shiny - and she had that look on her face. Guilt.
Me: Allie, what's going on?
A: New Baby had a boo boo. I gave her medicine.
Me: What happened?
A: I put medicine on her bum and 'gina. I'm a good mommy. Her my baby.
And I don't know how she reached it but, yes, there was aquaphor all over New Baby's bum and 'gina. And Allie's hands. And hair. And bed.
Since we moved her to a twin bed (out of the crib) in April or May (ish), we've had a gate at her door. She's pretty much potty trained, but has a diaper on at night still, and will often hold her poop until the diap is on. Inevitably, after an hour of sitting on the toilet, she says she doesn't have to go, we get her ready for bed, put the diap on, turn off the light and within 5 minutes we hear ... "Mommy? I went poopy in my diaper. Get a bag." hahaha. Because we bring shopping bags upstairs to throw out soiled diapers. And she knows it.
Anyway, with the gate up, she gets pissed when we want her to go to bed and has peed in her room on the floor several times - basically just to spite us. That's my kid. Finally we decided to gate the hallway/stairwell, our room, and the guest room, but allow her to walk from her room to the bathroom if she needed to go. We knew this would cause the bedtime shenanigans and stalling to continue for a little until the novelty wore off. But we were sick of cleaning pee multiple times, going up and down the stairs 30 times between 8 and sometimes 10PM until she finally fell asleep. And yes, we tried the "don't look her in the eye, put her in bed without a word" bit. It didn't fly with any of us. The gate's finally down, and we often hear the water running in the bathroom. Oh well, let her play, she'll get bored. Or so we thought.
Last night, C goes up and apparently finds A with her shirt off in the bathroom.
C: Allie, what are you doing honey?
A: Putting toothpaste on my pits.
Yup, my kid rubbed toothpaste all over herself, and in her pits.
Today, she had a poop blowout in her undies at school - a rare thing for her. As I said she'll either wait till she has a diaper on or go in the potty (at which time we throw a PARTY and she gets a prize and tons of praise, high fives, hugs & lots of cheers and fist pumps). Anyway, I picked her up from school and asked her about it as we were getting into the car.
Me: Did you have a poopy accident today?
A: Yeah.
Me (trying to ascertain if it was solid or diarrhea): What did it look like?
A: A small dinosaur.
I didn't even know what to say to that!
We love to go blueberry picking & we go several times a summer. One time we picked peaches, and she pulled them out and lined them up on the ground & made a train...then a rainbow. She just sat there with her peaches. She will also pick pounds of blues and eat every single one - leaving a completely empty bucket.
She "hides" from C --which means she just puts her head down and curls up on the couch so she can't see him....or puts a blanket over herself while giggling & moving around. Its so cute that she thinks if she can't see us, we can't see her.
She calls Jethro her brother.
In tonight's stalling techniques, she said she had to poop. So I was sitting on the side of the tub and she says: You don't love me. I love New Baby.
Me: I love you AND New Baby but I love you more than anything in the world.
A: No. I love New Baby. I'm her Mommy.
Me: You're a great mommy to New Baby.
A: Who's New Baby's Daddy?
Me: ::Dearinheadlights:: I don't know honey. But you're a great mommy.
She calls things "grody" and I love it.
I know there's a million things I promised myself I'd remember but don't... so sometimes I may just write a stream of consciousness post so I really don't forget.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Realty confusion
C's bike was stolen out of our garage last weekend, while we were home. Actually, C & A were outside and I was inside the house. C had just mowed the lawn & the garage was open...someone came and rode his brand new, gigantic bike out of our driveway. Now, it could have been worse - I get that. But it doesn't change the feeling of violation we have. We were never
going to stay in our town long term, but figured we'd be here another
4ish years or so - max. C has decided he wants out ASAP instead of
waiting. We talked with our realtor & she came back with comps and thinks we can actually
list a little higher than we bought for, but expect to get what we paid
basically. I was sure she was gonna say list for 100k less, so didn't
have hopes up for anything, figured we were stuck for a while, so this
changes everything.
We have nothing saved for a downpayment or closing costs (well, we have savings, but a downpayment would drain them completely & I'm not comfortable having 0 in the bank). If we were lucky to make 10k off the sale, it still probably wouldn't be enough to put down on a new house. So financially, I don't know if this is even a real possibility. But just the thought of being somewhere new, where we know we're going to stay & actually put down roots makes me excited (not the stressful moving part, just the HOME vs. house part). I've told C wherever we go, I want it to be our forever home. He doesn't care at this point, he just wants out of our town now vs. later.
Realistically, I think we have to stay & reassess in a year. Save like crazy, pay down some debt (how the hell do you do both??) do some minor stuff to the house, declutter like crazy & just be patient. But now that the thought is in my head, it's all I want to do. GET OUT. I don't know if I should even continue talking with my realtor. I haven't called our mortgage guy, I just don't want to hear the answer. I guess if he comes back and says - no way, you can't do it - at least I'll be able to put this to bed. But what if he says it's doable?
We have nothing saved for a downpayment or closing costs (well, we have savings, but a downpayment would drain them completely & I'm not comfortable having 0 in the bank). If we were lucky to make 10k off the sale, it still probably wouldn't be enough to put down on a new house. So financially, I don't know if this is even a real possibility. But just the thought of being somewhere new, where we know we're going to stay & actually put down roots makes me excited (not the stressful moving part, just the HOME vs. house part). I've told C wherever we go, I want it to be our forever home. He doesn't care at this point, he just wants out of our town now vs. later.
Realistically, I think we have to stay & reassess in a year. Save like crazy, pay down some debt (how the hell do you do both??) do some minor stuff to the house, declutter like crazy & just be patient. But now that the thought is in my head, it's all I want to do. GET OUT. I don't know if I should even continue talking with my realtor. I haven't called our mortgage guy, I just don't want to hear the answer. I guess if he comes back and says - no way, you can't do it - at least I'll be able to put this to bed. But what if he says it's doable?
Friday, May 11, 2012
On the topic of mom wars
What a GREAT response to the TIME article.
This author, Nancy Holtzman, hits it on the head as far as I'm concerned.
Especially...
"What if we talk more about helping parents to support one another through the challenges of raising children, and less about criticizing those who have different ideas about how to nurture their children? Why is our society so concerned and fascinated with parents who (in society’s opinion) “over” parent (the “helicopter” mom, “hockey-dads”, over-scheduled kids, extended-breastfeeding) , rather than focusing more on those who “under” parent?
Why is providing breastmilk to a three year old weirder and more harmful than providing a three year old with a steady daily diet of unhealthy food and drink that is shown and known to lead to diabetes, obesity, heart disease and colon cancer? Which is truly more controversial? What about parents who smoke, or allow smoke around their home and children? This is a known risk factor for SIDS, asthma, respiratory infections and cancer. What about parents who don’t buckle their children into booster seats or require seat belts when driving, or who allow their kids to ride bikes on the street with no helmet?
All of these are known to be harmful practices. But no, let’s focus on parents who choose to take nurturing, nutrition, bonding and attachment “to extremes”, it’ll make the rest of us feel better about the less-than-ideal ways we all parent."
Sing it, sister.
This author, Nancy Holtzman, hits it on the head as far as I'm concerned.
Especially...
"What if we talk more about helping parents to support one another through the challenges of raising children, and less about criticizing those who have different ideas about how to nurture their children? Why is our society so concerned and fascinated with parents who (in society’s opinion) “over” parent (the “helicopter” mom, “hockey-dads”, over-scheduled kids, extended-breastfeeding) , rather than focusing more on those who “under” parent?
Why is providing breastmilk to a three year old weirder and more harmful than providing a three year old with a steady daily diet of unhealthy food and drink that is shown and known to lead to diabetes, obesity, heart disease and colon cancer? Which is truly more controversial? What about parents who smoke, or allow smoke around their home and children? This is a known risk factor for SIDS, asthma, respiratory infections and cancer. What about parents who don’t buckle their children into booster seats or require seat belts when driving, or who allow their kids to ride bikes on the street with no helmet?
All of these are known to be harmful practices. But no, let’s focus on parents who choose to take nurturing, nutrition, bonding and attachment “to extremes”, it’ll make the rest of us feel better about the less-than-ideal ways we all parent."
Sing it, sister.
Make it Stop - a link
I never link to other blogs...well, except Soul Sistahs. Because I have to, out of love, loyalty and mostly fear.
However, this post or article really spoke to me today.
I belong to an online community of women, some I've "known" for over 5 years, since we were planning our weddings and 'met' on the knot, some of whom have actually become my friends in real life, much to the surprise & snickering of my husband. There is no way to ever agree on all topics, some are more controversial than others, and it is fine and normal to get into debates. But lately there's been some hatin' going on on the board I belong to, where if your opinion doesn't jive with a few of the more vocal ladies... well, you're just plain wrong.
HELLO. It's an OPINION. Yours is yours, mine is mine. Now I know I lean farther to the left than some, as far as political issues go. But I don't care about politics or religion or any of that crap right now. I get that I may be seen as naive, but to me, you're entitled to your view on an issue and I'm entitled to mine. I'll hear your side, and respect it as your view, but I don't have to agree with you any more than you have to agree with me. Unless it directly affects my life or that of my family, it's not worth arguing over. And dude, people get HEATED. About stupid shit like child leashes/harnesses. Organic vs. non organic food & milk. Giving children juice. When to take your kid to the dentist. Rear facing vs. front facing carseats and what age to change. VBAC vs. Repeat C-Section. Breastfeeding vs. formula feeding (OY). What ever happened to a) do unto others as you'd have done unto you and b) to each their own??
It's not just my little microcosm of women that is affected (afflicted?). There are some haters - SO many of whom are just plain ignorant - that feel the need to spew their hate on perfect strangers on a national or large scale forum, like facebook, cnn, local news channel websites, etc. in the form of comments beneath an article. The TIME article & cover photo about extended breastfeeding is a perfect example of this. Man, that photo is awful. So tasteless and I think that mom will grow to regret it, if she doesn't already. BUT. The comments calling her a child molester, incestuous, etc. are revolting. Do I want to see a 3-4 year old breastfeeding openly? Nope. I don't. That is my opinion - it makes me uncomfortable. But I'll be damned if I fault a mother for choosing to do this for her child. And child abuse? Come on. That's just absurd. I don't even understand why people feel the need to post their comments on articles like that, or facebook stories, or whatever the case may be. Other than to garner attention & stir a pot, what purpose does it serve?
Anyway, the hate out there is just too much. My little online community is not exempt from it, no matter how much people claim to be there for each other, supportive in times of need, open minded, and accepting. And this article summed it up really well for me, so I wanted to share.
However, this post or article really spoke to me today.
I belong to an online community of women, some I've "known" for over 5 years, since we were planning our weddings and 'met' on the knot, some of whom have actually become my friends in real life, much to the surprise & snickering of my husband. There is no way to ever agree on all topics, some are more controversial than others, and it is fine and normal to get into debates. But lately there's been some hatin' going on on the board I belong to, where if your opinion doesn't jive with a few of the more vocal ladies... well, you're just plain wrong.
HELLO. It's an OPINION. Yours is yours, mine is mine. Now I know I lean farther to the left than some, as far as political issues go. But I don't care about politics or religion or any of that crap right now. I get that I may be seen as naive, but to me, you're entitled to your view on an issue and I'm entitled to mine. I'll hear your side, and respect it as your view, but I don't have to agree with you any more than you have to agree with me. Unless it directly affects my life or that of my family, it's not worth arguing over. And dude, people get HEATED. About stupid shit like child leashes/harnesses. Organic vs. non organic food & milk. Giving children juice. When to take your kid to the dentist. Rear facing vs. front facing carseats and what age to change. VBAC vs. Repeat C-Section. Breastfeeding vs. formula feeding (OY). What ever happened to a) do unto others as you'd have done unto you and b) to each their own??
It's not just my little microcosm of women that is affected (afflicted?). There are some haters - SO many of whom are just plain ignorant - that feel the need to spew their hate on perfect strangers on a national or large scale forum, like facebook, cnn, local news channel websites, etc. in the form of comments beneath an article. The TIME article & cover photo about extended breastfeeding is a perfect example of this. Man, that photo is awful. So tasteless and I think that mom will grow to regret it, if she doesn't already. BUT. The comments calling her a child molester, incestuous, etc. are revolting. Do I want to see a 3-4 year old breastfeeding openly? Nope. I don't. That is my opinion - it makes me uncomfortable. But I'll be damned if I fault a mother for choosing to do this for her child. And child abuse? Come on. That's just absurd. I don't even understand why people feel the need to post their comments on articles like that, or facebook stories, or whatever the case may be. Other than to garner attention & stir a pot, what purpose does it serve?
Anyway, the hate out there is just too much. My little online community is not exempt from it, no matter how much people claim to be there for each other, supportive in times of need, open minded, and accepting. And this article summed it up really well for me, so I wanted to share.
Friday, April 27, 2012
I still hate diapers...and other randomings.
But that isn't the point of this post. But if I may... I said I'd never use pull-ups, but we are. And she is treating them just like diapers instead of using them as a next step. Its awful. I hate diapers.
Anyway.
C & A planted seeds for our garden. We got a different seed thingy with a little plastic greenhouse top (vs the saran wrap I used last year...yeah...) and C decided it was a good idea to put it in the sun one warm day - WITH the top on. He killed 1/3 of our damn sprouts. I don't even know what they were, but our garden will be a bit smaller than expected. Well done, former landscaper husband. Well done.
So we'll have blueberries (hopefully!), maybe tomatoes, basil, peppers, zukes, watermelon...and I don't know what else.
In other earth related news.. I'm allergic to like everything. Had an allergist appointment today, and basically I should stay inside in a sterile environment. In a hypoallergenic bubble. Maple, Birch, Ragweed, Dustmites all had immediate, strong reactions. So yeah, seasonal allergies...big deal, right? Well, when coupled with Oral Allergy Syndrome, I have awesome fuzzy tongue and itchy lips when I eat strawberries, pineapple, pear, cherry, raspberry...basically any awesome fruit that I love. And it is only going to get more annoying from now on, adding more foods to the list I can't eat (or at least get a reaction to and deal with it). I blame a) Allie because it only started after having her and 2) Dad because he developed all the same allergies later in life...including an anaphalactic (sp?) reaction to Almonds, which I'm sure is not too far down the road for me. Honest to God the doc said today - 'eat & enjoy them while you can!!' Great.
But, Allie does NOT have allergies, which is good. The bad part is, we dont know why she's been sick basically since Jan 5. She's had a decent last week or so, but she's back to being congested, and I'm assuming the cough will be back by this weekend. Too bad, because we are surprising her and taking her on a ride on Thomas the Train... She loves Thomas, but we were in the mall last night and they have this dinky little train kids can ride on and she FREAKED out. Like screaming, made me pick her up, freaked. So.......Thomas could be disastrous. Maybe I'll even post a picture on this blog if I get a good one (I did after all take the class at Tunxis Community college, so I'm an expert photographer now).
We'll see how it goes! I'll be armed with Zyrtec and a helmet.
Anyway.
C & A planted seeds for our garden. We got a different seed thingy with a little plastic greenhouse top (vs the saran wrap I used last year...yeah...) and C decided it was a good idea to put it in the sun one warm day - WITH the top on. He killed 1/3 of our damn sprouts. I don't even know what they were, but our garden will be a bit smaller than expected. Well done, former landscaper husband. Well done.
So we'll have blueberries (hopefully!), maybe tomatoes, basil, peppers, zukes, watermelon...and I don't know what else.
In other earth related news.. I'm allergic to like everything. Had an allergist appointment today, and basically I should stay inside in a sterile environment. In a hypoallergenic bubble. Maple, Birch, Ragweed, Dustmites all had immediate, strong reactions. So yeah, seasonal allergies...big deal, right? Well, when coupled with Oral Allergy Syndrome, I have awesome fuzzy tongue and itchy lips when I eat strawberries, pineapple, pear, cherry, raspberry...basically any awesome fruit that I love. And it is only going to get more annoying from now on, adding more foods to the list I can't eat (or at least get a reaction to and deal with it). I blame a) Allie because it only started after having her and 2) Dad because he developed all the same allergies later in life...including an anaphalactic (sp?) reaction to Almonds, which I'm sure is not too far down the road for me. Honest to God the doc said today - 'eat & enjoy them while you can!!' Great.
But, Allie does NOT have allergies, which is good. The bad part is, we dont know why she's been sick basically since Jan 5. She's had a decent last week or so, but she's back to being congested, and I'm assuming the cough will be back by this weekend. Too bad, because we are surprising her and taking her on a ride on Thomas the Train... She loves Thomas, but we were in the mall last night and they have this dinky little train kids can ride on and she FREAKED out. Like screaming, made me pick her up, freaked. So.......Thomas could be disastrous. Maybe I'll even post a picture on this blog if I get a good one (I did after all take the class at Tunxis Community college, so I'm an expert photographer now).
We'll see how it goes! I'll be armed with Zyrtec and a helmet.
Friday, March 30, 2012
I hate diapers
We've entered Potty Training Hell. A did SO great for a couple weeks. Then she got super sick and had to stay home for a week. With constant attention (my mom watched in the mornings, then the ILs relieved her in the afternoons), she had very few accidents because she could be asked every 5 seconds if she had to go and rushed to the bathroom when she said yes. Once she got back to daycare it was all downhill. Accidents every day, and the poor kid still will.not.poop in the toilet. She's like scared and embarrassed by it.
I really thought we were done with diapers. Ok, I am done with diapers. But I have to admit that A isn't... she has regressed, and we're going to keep her in diaps for a little longer till she is truly ready. She hates wearing diapers, so hopefully that'll be the impetus for her, but we'll see. Also, we're putting up her big girl bed this weekend...my BABY is getting a real bed... so we'll play that up too. Bribery is also on the table. Not surprisingly, my kid loves chocolate, so she gets a sticker and m&ms for thebribe prizes when she pees, and we have a basket of real prizes (um, dollar store stuff) for if she ever poops on the potty.
I hate diapers. But I also hate how expensive undies are, and with daycare throwing out undies with poop in them, I can't afford that anymore than I can keep buying diapers.
So, that's where we are with potty training. Back to square one.
I really thought we were done with diapers. Ok, I am done with diapers. But I have to admit that A isn't... she has regressed, and we're going to keep her in diaps for a little longer till she is truly ready. She hates wearing diapers, so hopefully that'll be the impetus for her, but we'll see. Also, we're putting up her big girl bed this weekend...my BABY is getting a real bed... so we'll play that up too. Bribery is also on the table. Not surprisingly, my kid loves chocolate, so she gets a sticker and m&ms for the
I hate diapers. But I also hate how expensive undies are, and with daycare throwing out undies with poop in them, I can't afford that anymore than I can keep buying diapers.
So, that's where we are with potty training. Back to square one.
Done with Whole30!
I did it! 30 days of gluten, soy, dairy, sugar, preservative and pretty much everything else- free eating. Lost 11 lbs, slept like a baby, no headaches, stomach relatively normal (for me)... It was pretty awesome. Lot of prep work on Sundays and planning for every meal and snack was time consuming, but it wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be. I ate new things I'd never tried, esp since I so rarely eat red meat and I had no choice but to re-introduce it. I didn't miss cheese like I thought I would...I missed carbs & chocolate though. So Wed morning, day 31, I had a blueberry muffin, and had some mini eggs at night. Sad and pathetic, I know. Oh well!
I learned a lot... I always read the labels for calories/fat/protein/carbs/fiber, but never really the ingredients. Holy hell do they put a lot of crap in stuff that it has no being in. I don't understand it! So I will surely eat better and cleaner than before, and with more knowledge behind my decisions. I think the headache free month was the most enlightening part...that is a miracle for me, and I know it's because I didn't have all the junk in my system. I also now know how badly gluten affects my gut...so as much as I can, I'm cutting out breads, cereals, pastas, crackers, etc. I'm not going to hate myself if I eat it, but I'm going to give myself better choices moving forward. As for dairy... I always knew it messed with me, so other than chocolate (which I proclaim a NON dairy food...in my own world...) and the occasional ice cream or frozen yogurt, I'll be dairy free I think.
So, a new leaf has been turned. For now :)
I learned a lot... I always read the labels for calories/fat/protein/carbs/fiber, but never really the ingredients. Holy hell do they put a lot of crap in stuff that it has no being in. I don't understand it! So I will surely eat better and cleaner than before, and with more knowledge behind my decisions. I think the headache free month was the most enlightening part...that is a miracle for me, and I know it's because I didn't have all the junk in my system. I also now know how badly gluten affects my gut...so as much as I can, I'm cutting out breads, cereals, pastas, crackers, etc. I'm not going to hate myself if I eat it, but I'm going to give myself better choices moving forward. As for dairy... I always knew it messed with me, so other than chocolate (which I proclaim a NON dairy food...in my own world...) and the occasional ice cream or frozen yogurt, I'll be dairy free I think.
So, a new leaf has been turned. For now :)
Thursday, March 8, 2012
I need to make this blog more interesting...
So, Jess of Soul Sistahs opened my eyes to the fact that she has people from all over the world viewing her blog. I may be her only follower, but I never even knew I could track who saw what I wrote. Um, Indonesia, Ukraine, Slovenia, Netherlands....Really?? This is an amazing thing...but also pathetic because no one reads this. On the one hand, I don't care - this is mostly a journal for me and for A down the road. But on the other, sometimes I have funny shit to say (well, I think I'm funny...) and I don't usually blog it because no one reads it. So there's my dilemma...no one reads me because I don't say anything pertinent or funny to anyone else, but I don't really write everything I think about or frequently enough to make a difference in my viewership.
So maybe I'll turn over a new leaf and write more often, more detailed, and more random crap. Like about my annoying coworkers...and the Whole30 cleanse/jumpstart diet I'm on right now...and Jethro getting bit at camp, my poor baby boy...and Allie still pooping in her pants... I have endless things to write about, though not endless time to write. So, there may be an influx of posts coming from Cartzy soon. or, more likely, I'll forget about this new found motivation and come back in a month for another 'sorry i'm a crappy mommy/blogger/journaler' update type post. Yeah, that's probably what will happen. But it's a good thought...
So maybe I'll turn over a new leaf and write more often, more detailed, and more random crap. Like about my annoying coworkers...and the Whole30 cleanse/jumpstart diet I'm on right now...and Jethro getting bit at camp, my poor baby boy...and Allie still pooping in her pants... I have endless things to write about, though not endless time to write. So, there may be an influx of posts coming from Cartzy soon. or, more likely, I'll forget about this new found motivation and come back in a month for another 'sorry i'm a crappy mommy/blogger/journaler' update type post. Yeah, that's probably what will happen. But it's a good thought...
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
A little PTing update
A stayed dry all day yesterday!! Now we have to work on the fact that she's hitting and pushing her friends. I don't want my kid to be a bully!
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Potty trained!
Well...almost. A is in big girl undies at school and is doing so well! She had one pee accident yesterday, when they were outside playing... I'm wondering if they didn't ask her if she had to go before they went outside?? And of course... poop. Poop is her nemesis. She is nervous and embarrassed about it, and tells us right AFTER she's gone...in her pants... And she's on antibiotics for this awesome month long cough/cold, so it was nasty. Glad she was at school when it happened yesterday, because C & I dealt with enough poopy pants this weekend, thankyouverymuch.
Side note: wasn't getting her tonsils out supposed to help her not be sick as much? Yeah. Guess not. She is sleeping better, not snoring, and all that jazz. But she's ALWAYS sick. poor little nugget.
Here are some of her cute sayings..mostly for me because I am awful at keeping any kind of record of her milestones.
pota dots - polka dots
ruckie duckie - rubber ducky
i ate my (insert food) all - she always puts all at the end. my little yoda.
cool dude!
It no fit -- with a scrunched up little face - as C tried to put on one of her necklaces over his ginormous head.
She counts to 10...then says thirteen. Ha!
Her ABCs-- mishmash of letters, mumbles... I have to get it on camera because it's hysterical.
Twinkle Twinkle - she says 'uppa buppa' for 'up above the' - This kid can't get any cuter.
the other day she said....
i so proud of you -- to me, when i blew my nose.
hi little boy -- to C as she rubbed his head. It's what we say to Jethro. Hilarious.
Ok, thats it for this installment of - please dont forget how cute your kid is at this moment...
Side note: wasn't getting her tonsils out supposed to help her not be sick as much? Yeah. Guess not. She is sleeping better, not snoring, and all that jazz. But she's ALWAYS sick. poor little nugget.
Here are some of her cute sayings..mostly for me because I am awful at keeping any kind of record of her milestones.
pota dots - polka dots
ruckie duckie - rubber ducky
i ate my (insert food) all - she always puts all at the end. my little yoda.
cool dude!
It no fit -- with a scrunched up little face - as C tried to put on one of her necklaces over his ginormous head.
She counts to 10...then says thirteen. Ha!
Her ABCs-- mishmash of letters, mumbles... I have to get it on camera because it's hysterical.
Twinkle Twinkle - she says 'uppa buppa' for 'up above the' - This kid can't get any cuter.
the other day she said....
i so proud of you -- to me, when i blew my nose.
hi little boy -- to C as she rubbed his head. It's what we say to Jethro. Hilarious.
Ok, thats it for this installment of - please dont forget how cute your kid is at this moment...
Monday, February 6, 2012
I'm an awful blogger.
Wow. November 2011 seems like a million years ago. Oops. I don't have much of an exciting life, but I'm sure I could have found things to write about...
Yes, Aunt Carol passed away.
My best friend Apryl started working with me - like at WORK work. It's pretty awesome.
A turned 2 years old, and we had a Nemo party for her.
I made peppermint bark & hot chocolate mix for people for Christmas gifts.
I got my first Uggs for Christmas.
A actually enjoyed Christmas this year.
She also then had her tonsils & adenoids out on Dec. 27th. That was fun.
She's talking up a storm, full sentences, and is adorable. She sings her ABCs..sorta.. twinkle...sorta.. itsy bitsy spider..sorta. Hilariously entertaining, but also shows how smart she is!
She also may be getting bullied by one girl at school...there are incident reports every week, and A is also the offender at times, but more often than not, it's A who comes home with a scratch on her face, bitemarks, etc. Not quite sure what to do about it...
I just turned 29.3 last week. A sang to me and it was amazing. I also refuse to tell anyone I'm 32. I don't have a reason, I'm not scared that I'm old and dying or something... I just like to think of myself as 29 instead.
I will try to post more - if for nothing else than to have some sort of record for Alexandra... I really should be better about it!
Yes, Aunt Carol passed away.
My best friend Apryl started working with me - like at WORK work. It's pretty awesome.
A turned 2 years old, and we had a Nemo party for her.
I made peppermint bark & hot chocolate mix for people for Christmas gifts.
I got my first Uggs for Christmas.
A actually enjoyed Christmas this year.
She also then had her tonsils & adenoids out on Dec. 27th. That was fun.
She's talking up a storm, full sentences, and is adorable. She sings her ABCs..sorta.. twinkle...sorta.. itsy bitsy spider..sorta. Hilariously entertaining, but also shows how smart she is!
She also may be getting bullied by one girl at school...there are incident reports every week, and A is also the offender at times, but more often than not, it's A who comes home with a scratch on her face, bitemarks, etc. Not quite sure what to do about it...
I just turned 29.3 last week. A sang to me and it was amazing. I also refuse to tell anyone I'm 32. I don't have a reason, I'm not scared that I'm old and dying or something... I just like to think of myself as 29 instead.
I will try to post more - if for nothing else than to have some sort of record for Alexandra... I really should be better about it!
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Auntie Carol
Today, my Aunt Carol will die from breast cancer. Its been a long battle, and much of what could go wrong has. She was too disabled by treatments to work and lost her job of 25 years & healthcare coverage... She got terribly depressed and basically became a shut in... My grandmother died, and put her further into a depression... My cousin has been ill this whole time as well. She thought she was in remission, and a doctor told her that the rash she had was just from radiation, when in fact it was breast cancer cells that had spread and manifested on the skin... And that was basically the beginning of the end.
She went into the hospital in September with awful swelling, and it turns out her kidneys had shut down. She was saved with a shunt, but was told she didn't have much time - that the cancer had taken over. She's been in a nursing home in hospice care since then, and we've all had a chance to say our goodbyes, make peace with the situation.
In the last week or so, she's gone way down hill, very quickly. My cousin Keith & my dad just got the call that she has become unresponsive, and likely won't make it through the end of the day. So they are going there to be by her side and together.
She's an amazing lady. We didn't have the cutesy aunt-neice relationship. She was always no-bullshit with me, treated me like a friend, and I respected her for it. When she pulled back from everyone - from life really - I let her...called now and then but I didn't push her...until she went into the hospital I hadn't see her since Christmas 2009!
I got to tell her I loved her a million times, held her hand, told her stories, listened to hers, brought Allie to see her when she was with it enough to interact. I told her I was sorry that it had been so long -- that I felt like a shitty niece, that I could have pushed, banged on her door... she told me it was better this way. I told her I wasn't asking for forgiveness and she - ever the wiseass - waved her hand in the sign of the cross like a priest and said "I absolve you." Cracking jokes till the end. That's Auntie Carol, and that's why I love her.
So I don't have any regrets. I said goodbye many times over the past few weeks, but the imminent-ness of this is hitting me much harder than I thought it would...
Auntie Carol - your strength, your grit, and your resolve through all the shit that life has thrown at you are inspirational. Maybe you weren't always graceful in how you handled things, but you handled them the way that YOU wanted to, at no one else's direction and on no one's terms but your own. For that, I will forever admire you and be grateful for your example of true strength. I wish you a painless, calm, peaceful and love-filled passing...Tell Gramma I said hello, watch over our family, and come visit whenever you want.
I love you.
She went into the hospital in September with awful swelling, and it turns out her kidneys had shut down. She was saved with a shunt, but was told she didn't have much time - that the cancer had taken over. She's been in a nursing home in hospice care since then, and we've all had a chance to say our goodbyes, make peace with the situation.
In the last week or so, she's gone way down hill, very quickly. My cousin Keith & my dad just got the call that she has become unresponsive, and likely won't make it through the end of the day. So they are going there to be by her side and together.
She's an amazing lady. We didn't have the cutesy aunt-neice relationship. She was always no-bullshit with me, treated me like a friend, and I respected her for it. When she pulled back from everyone - from life really - I let her...called now and then but I didn't push her...until she went into the hospital I hadn't see her since Christmas 2009!
I got to tell her I loved her a million times, held her hand, told her stories, listened to hers, brought Allie to see her when she was with it enough to interact. I told her I was sorry that it had been so long -- that I felt like a shitty niece, that I could have pushed, banged on her door... she told me it was better this way. I told her I wasn't asking for forgiveness and she - ever the wiseass - waved her hand in the sign of the cross like a priest and said "I absolve you." Cracking jokes till the end. That's Auntie Carol, and that's why I love her.
So I don't have any regrets. I said goodbye many times over the past few weeks, but the imminent-ness of this is hitting me much harder than I thought it would...
Auntie Carol - your strength, your grit, and your resolve through all the shit that life has thrown at you are inspirational. Maybe you weren't always graceful in how you handled things, but you handled them the way that YOU wanted to, at no one else's direction and on no one's terms but your own. For that, I will forever admire you and be grateful for your example of true strength. I wish you a painless, calm, peaceful and love-filled passing...Tell Gramma I said hello, watch over our family, and come visit whenever you want.
I love you.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Catch up
Well, the tonsils are out. Very quick surgery, but all the stuff I read online about adult recovery has been true so far. Even the doc said it's a very predictable recovery...and not a fun one. Surgery was last Wed, 8/24 and every day since has gotten progressively more painful. I've lost about 7lbs, so hey - there's a silver lining in there somewhere. But I can basically only eat applesauce, popsicles & jello. Not to mention Hurricane Irene came through on Sunday... just when the scabs & pain got worse, so not having ready access to ice for the 19hours the power was out was awful. We are lucky to have our power back -- much of the state does not yet, including my parents!
I can't wait for vacation. Leaving on Saturday for a week up in Maine at the beach. C has been travelling on a new work project for 3 weeks, and wasn't even home for the surgery (mom & sis stayed with me to help with A & bring me ice chips). He needs this vacation so badly -- between travel to Jacksonville & Detroit, multiple delayed and cancelled flights that kept him away over weekends, he is stressed and exhausted. Luckily he's home this week, but is flying out the day after we get home from ME. Awesome for his career, exposure, experience and all that jazz...but selfishly, I miss him, and its really tiring doing everything on my own here! He's gotten a taste of it for the last couple days, since I've been pretty useless as far as home/child/dog care have gone... the pain meds knock me out, I am not supposed to lift A, though I have, and I'm in too much pain to talk much, so he's borne the brunt of it all. Fair is fair :)
Other than that.....nada mas. Just looking forward to eating real food, napping on the beach & getting some sun next week!
I can't wait for vacation. Leaving on Saturday for a week up in Maine at the beach. C has been travelling on a new work project for 3 weeks, and wasn't even home for the surgery (mom & sis stayed with me to help with A & bring me ice chips). He needs this vacation so badly -- between travel to Jacksonville & Detroit, multiple delayed and cancelled flights that kept him away over weekends, he is stressed and exhausted. Luckily he's home this week, but is flying out the day after we get home from ME. Awesome for his career, exposure, experience and all that jazz...but selfishly, I miss him, and its really tiring doing everything on my own here! He's gotten a taste of it for the last couple days, since I've been pretty useless as far as home/child/dog care have gone... the pain meds knock me out, I am not supposed to lift A, though I have, and I'm in too much pain to talk much, so he's borne the brunt of it all. Fair is fair :)
Other than that.....nada mas. Just looking forward to eating real food, napping on the beach & getting some sun next week!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Anniversary!
9 Years. C and I have been together for NINE years. Today is our 3rd wedding anniversary - otherwise known as the greatest party EVER! I know he'll never read this, but I didn't want to let the day pass without acknowledging all we've been through... through good and bad...really amazing and really awful... C is the best partner, friend and husband I could imagine or ever ask for. We are a perfect team, and I realize each and every day how lucky I am to have found someone to love me back as much as I love him. We praise each other for our strengths, and forgive our faults. We provide optimism when the other can only see negativity. We laugh at each other and ourselves and we allow each other to cry freely. Yes, we argue, and yes, we've been through a rough patch or two, but unwavering love, trust and support are never in doubt, even through the darkest days.
Chris, my love, thank you. Thank you for loving me, for putting up with me, for always making me laugh and see the bright side of things. Thank you for working so hard so that we can enjoy our incredible & blessed life. Thank you for being a wonderful husband and father. It takes my breath away every day to see you with Alexandra, and I fall in love with you all over again and again.
I love you with everything that I am, and I can't wait to see what the coming year brings for us. Happy anniversary.
Chris, my love, thank you. Thank you for loving me, for putting up with me, for always making me laugh and see the bright side of things. Thank you for working so hard so that we can enjoy our incredible & blessed life. Thank you for being a wonderful husband and father. It takes my breath away every day to see you with Alexandra, and I fall in love with you all over again and again.
I love you with everything that I am, and I can't wait to see what the coming year brings for us. Happy anniversary.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Boring.
My blog is boring. I know that. But it is not nearly as boring as another blog I read today. Totally self absorbed, like everyone who read it wanted to know every detail of her life down to how many cups of kale she ate at lunch. So I feel better about my - boring, Allie-centric, not nearly as funny as I think it is, never updated, no one reads it - blog. :)
Garden is a'bloomin'. We have about 10 each for zucchinis & tomatoes, lettuce & spinach need to be cut for a second time, peppers have little tiny buds, and our weakling strawberries actually have a few new fruit on them. A new space has proven really great growing grounds for the veggies - the zuke leaves are ENORMOUS and the garden as a whole looks like the amazon. We are paying more attention to working on other beds, taking out more plants that the previous owner over planted, or that are just plain ugly, and revamping non-veggie garden beds. We had 7 yards of mulch delivered & C has been hard at work on tackling that.
Tonight I golf. I'm a sub in a league my co-worker is in, and they finally asked me with more than 2 hours notice. I'm excited & nervous, because I was grouped with 2 women who are REAL golfers. It is a pretty chill league, but I'm awful. Most people are there to have fun, but I worry that I'll just slow these women down. Oh well, they can deal with me for 2 hours. I'll try to keep my temper at a minimum & not swear too much at myself. Last time my role was to make everyone feel better about their own game. Sad. haha.
My college & after college in DC roommate got engaged. How do I know? Because a good friend sent me a wonderfully snarky comment about it on facebook (no, roommate and I are not FB friends). I am happy for her, honest. She deserves to be happy, she's not a MEAN person. We were fine roommates because after a while we just didn't deal with each other haha. And I kinda didn't know if she'd find someone that could deal with her idiosyncracies and habits. Or her whiney voice. Also? This chick has a weird, way-too-close relationship with her family, especially her brother. When I told C she was engaged, he actually asked "to her brother?" HAHAHAHA. Then he said he was surprised she found someone who could deal with her leaving poop in the toilet. Thanks for the reminder, I had blocked that special part of living with her out. My mom called her the nun because she dresses so conservatively/prudely/whatever you want to call it. Not that I'm flashy or fashionable at all, but I only own 1 cardigan, not one for every day of the month. Just sayin'. Though I did FB stalk her, and she looks good, so good for her. I even sent her a note congratulating her and she wrote a very formal thank you note back expressing how extremely happy this guy and her are. Good, I hope so - you are marrying him!
Anyway.
Surgery is scheduled for Aug 24. Oncologist gave me the go ahead, calmed my fears & said it's more likely that I can't recover & am getting sick more frequently because I don't have a spleen - not because I'm on some path to cancer. Though he called the ENT while I was there and told him to biopsy the tonsils and test for lymphoma, because it can be isolated to one specific area/lymph node. I love my doctor. If nothing else, I know I'm in good hands if I ever (God forbid) do get the big C diagnosis. So, cut out the tonsils, let me sleep for 10 days at home & then go to the beach for a week. If I could skip over the bleeding from my mouth for a week and having to rely on my Mom and just head to the beach, I would. I know C can handle A while I'm out of commission....I just hope he and my mom don't butt heads. They never do, but they've also never lived under the same roof for any amount of time. Fun times ahead! At least I'll be drugged for it :)
Garden is a'bloomin'. We have about 10 each for zucchinis & tomatoes, lettuce & spinach need to be cut for a second time, peppers have little tiny buds, and our weakling strawberries actually have a few new fruit on them. A new space has proven really great growing grounds for the veggies - the zuke leaves are ENORMOUS and the garden as a whole looks like the amazon. We are paying more attention to working on other beds, taking out more plants that the previous owner over planted, or that are just plain ugly, and revamping non-veggie garden beds. We had 7 yards of mulch delivered & C has been hard at work on tackling that.
Tonight I golf. I'm a sub in a league my co-worker is in, and they finally asked me with more than 2 hours notice. I'm excited & nervous, because I was grouped with 2 women who are REAL golfers. It is a pretty chill league, but I'm awful. Most people are there to have fun, but I worry that I'll just slow these women down. Oh well, they can deal with me for 2 hours. I'll try to keep my temper at a minimum & not swear too much at myself. Last time my role was to make everyone feel better about their own game. Sad. haha.
My college & after college in DC roommate got engaged. How do I know? Because a good friend sent me a wonderfully snarky comment about it on facebook (no, roommate and I are not FB friends). I am happy for her, honest. She deserves to be happy, she's not a MEAN person. We were fine roommates because after a while we just didn't deal with each other haha. And I kinda didn't know if she'd find someone that could deal with her idiosyncracies and habits. Or her whiney voice. Also? This chick has a weird, way-too-close relationship with her family, especially her brother. When I told C she was engaged, he actually asked "to her brother?" HAHAHAHA. Then he said he was surprised she found someone who could deal with her leaving poop in the toilet. Thanks for the reminder, I had blocked that special part of living with her out. My mom called her the nun because she dresses so conservatively/prudely/whatever you want to call it. Not that I'm flashy or fashionable at all, but I only own 1 cardigan, not one for every day of the month. Just sayin'. Though I did FB stalk her, and she looks good, so good for her. I even sent her a note congratulating her and she wrote a very formal thank you note back expressing how extremely happy this guy and her are. Good, I hope so - you are marrying him!
Anyway.
Surgery is scheduled for Aug 24. Oncologist gave me the go ahead, calmed my fears & said it's more likely that I can't recover & am getting sick more frequently because I don't have a spleen - not because I'm on some path to cancer. Though he called the ENT while I was there and told him to biopsy the tonsils and test for lymphoma, because it can be isolated to one specific area/lymph node. I love my doctor. If nothing else, I know I'm in good hands if I ever (God forbid) do get the big C diagnosis. So, cut out the tonsils, let me sleep for 10 days at home & then go to the beach for a week. If I could skip over the bleeding from my mouth for a week and having to rely on my Mom and just head to the beach, I would. I know C can handle A while I'm out of commission....I just hope he and my mom don't butt heads. They never do, but they've also never lived under the same roof for any amount of time. Fun times ahead! At least I'll be drugged for it :)
Friday, June 10, 2011
Really, body?
Williamsburg was great. Started out not so good... on the drive down I said "I have a sore throat, I hope this doesn't turn into anything" and within 2 hours I couldn't swallow, was sick to my stomach, sweating and shaking with chills at the same time, had a huge headache and could barely walk. 102.6 fever...tonsillitis plus whatever. Strep & mono: negative (yes, I went to the walk-in clinic on vacation and talked to a gigantic, panting male PA about diahrrea and cold sweats - every girl's dream). I was told I had "big, honkin', angry tonsils." Antibiotics helped, and by Sunday I was able to participate in vacation with my family. We actually had a great time - saw Yorktown, Jamestown Settlement & Colonial Williamsburg - A did really well, loved the pool, didn't have huge public meltdowns (but HATED the aquarium at VA Beach we drove to)...her only issue was sleeping - strange place, strange bed, and as much as we tried it was nearly impossible to keep her schedule & foods the same. Oh well... it was fun, and good to see C relax a bit. He needed it.
Made an appointment with the ENT when I got home - this was my 4th or 5th tonsillitis case since October, plus with the PET scan lighting up, and the progression of symptoms from throat only to fever, chills, stomach upset & feeling like I was hit by a truck, it was time to figure out what was going on. Well, ENT said what I suspected - they have to come out. There's no magic pill, and he doesn't think they are actually getting healthy with antibiotics...I feel better for a while, but they are diseased and the only way to not get sick over and over again is to not have them in.
So I have to have my tonsils out. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of life, I know... the recovery as an adult apparently sucks (2 weeks laid up with bleeding & fever risks), but I can deal. It's the future implications that I'm worried about.
My immune system is rebelling against me.
- I had to have my spleen out a few years ago because of a benign tumor.
- I have been diagnosed with Sjogren's syndrome.. luckily most of my symptoms of this are more annoying than debilitating, but I don't like that my body is attacking itself and will continue to do so for the rest of my life.
- A long time ago, I gave blood, and got a note back that I had antibodies to HTLV - human lymphotropic t cell carcinoma. not that it WAS cancer, but that I haz some blood issues related to it.
- I have enlarged lymph nodes behind my sternum and my stomach (lymph node adenopathy) and underwent CTscans, a PET and a bone marrow biopsy last fall to rule out a host of things, mostly lymphoma. Though it's nice to hear "it's not cancer..." test results being borderline are not exactly comforting, especially when the next words out of your oncologist's mouth are "...yet."
- The tonsils are another part of the immune system, and without them I am freaking out that I have one less defense, and am one step closer to whatever lymphoma is down the line for me.
I mean, I know it's not a death sentence and there are people who have it worse. And I know there are over 30 types of lymphoma. And I know most are very treatable. But things start adding up. It's not like Dr. F said I could fire him, tests were fine, I need no follow-up. I need to see him every 6 months and continue to have CT scans to monitor the lymph nodes. With one more part of my immune system being taken away from me, I am really starting to worry....what's next? When will the cancer show up? Is it inevitable? What else is going on in my body that is causing all these seemingly unrelated things?
So I had a minor freak out this morning, here at work, at my desk. I tried calling C, he didn't answer. So, I made an appointment with Dr. F for before the tonsillectomy. I don't even know if he is the right doctor to see. I don't know the effects on your health when you don't have tonsils...especially when you already have a compromised immune system. I just want to ask him how all these things are related, what the sum total says to him, if anything, and what it means for the future. I hope he has some answers or can direct me to another doc (rheum? endo? immunologist? does that last one even exist?) if he doesn't........
I know it's dramatic, but it's hard not to let your mind wander... is my body shutting down? how long until those borderline tests are more definitive? am I gonna see my baby graduate high school? Ok, maybe that last one is a bit much, but you know I thought it.
Hmph.
Made an appointment with the ENT when I got home - this was my 4th or 5th tonsillitis case since October, plus with the PET scan lighting up, and the progression of symptoms from throat only to fever, chills, stomach upset & feeling like I was hit by a truck, it was time to figure out what was going on. Well, ENT said what I suspected - they have to come out. There's no magic pill, and he doesn't think they are actually getting healthy with antibiotics...I feel better for a while, but they are diseased and the only way to not get sick over and over again is to not have them in.
So I have to have my tonsils out. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of life, I know... the recovery as an adult apparently sucks (2 weeks laid up with bleeding & fever risks), but I can deal. It's the future implications that I'm worried about.
My immune system is rebelling against me.
- I had to have my spleen out a few years ago because of a benign tumor.
- I have been diagnosed with Sjogren's syndrome.. luckily most of my symptoms of this are more annoying than debilitating, but I don't like that my body is attacking itself and will continue to do so for the rest of my life.
- A long time ago, I gave blood, and got a note back that I had antibodies to HTLV - human lymphotropic t cell carcinoma. not that it WAS cancer, but that I haz some blood issues related to it.
- I have enlarged lymph nodes behind my sternum and my stomach (lymph node adenopathy) and underwent CTscans, a PET and a bone marrow biopsy last fall to rule out a host of things, mostly lymphoma. Though it's nice to hear "it's not cancer..." test results being borderline are not exactly comforting, especially when the next words out of your oncologist's mouth are "...yet."
- The tonsils are another part of the immune system, and without them I am freaking out that I have one less defense, and am one step closer to whatever lymphoma is down the line for me.
I mean, I know it's not a death sentence and there are people who have it worse. And I know there are over 30 types of lymphoma. And I know most are very treatable. But things start adding up. It's not like Dr. F said I could fire him, tests were fine, I need no follow-up. I need to see him every 6 months and continue to have CT scans to monitor the lymph nodes. With one more part of my immune system being taken away from me, I am really starting to worry....what's next? When will the cancer show up? Is it inevitable? What else is going on in my body that is causing all these seemingly unrelated things?
So I had a minor freak out this morning, here at work, at my desk. I tried calling C, he didn't answer. So, I made an appointment with Dr. F for before the tonsillectomy. I don't even know if he is the right doctor to see. I don't know the effects on your health when you don't have tonsils...especially when you already have a compromised immune system. I just want to ask him how all these things are related, what the sum total says to him, if anything, and what it means for the future. I hope he has some answers or can direct me to another doc (rheum? endo? immunologist? does that last one even exist?) if he doesn't........
I know it's dramatic, but it's hard not to let your mind wander... is my body shutting down? how long until those borderline tests are more definitive? am I gonna see my baby graduate high school? Ok, maybe that last one is a bit much, but you know I thought it.
Hmph.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Countdown to Thursday.....
Thursday can't come soon enough. C is working like a dog, I'm having a helluva week/month/year with a particular client, and we are finally getting outta here on Thurs night. Technically vacation doesn't start till Friday, but we're driving the 4 hours to Delaware for a stopover Thursday night, then on to Williamsburg, VA from Fri to Fri. I'm the first to tell you that if you want to know what the weather is, look outside because the weather men are SO unreliable...but right now, the 10 day forecast looks beautiful - mid 80s and sunny! Let's hope I didn't just jinx that........
Nothing particular planned so far. We'll hit up Colonial Williamsburg one day, Jamestown & Yorktown, maybe Virgina Beach, Norfolk...or sit at the pools :) Either way, we'll be at the mercy of A's schedule, so it'll hopefully be pretty relaxing and low key days. And clearly there won't be any late partying nights since she's in bed by 8! I'm SO looking forward to this - even the drive. Just the 3 of us, doing whatever we want, hanging out. Have to get through the next 2 days at work, pack at night, clean up the house a bit... and then cram everything into a rental car and get the heck outta dodge. Thank GOD.
Nothing particular planned so far. We'll hit up Colonial Williamsburg one day, Jamestown & Yorktown, maybe Virgina Beach, Norfolk...or sit at the pools :) Either way, we'll be at the mercy of A's schedule, so it'll hopefully be pretty relaxing and low key days. And clearly there won't be any late partying nights since she's in bed by 8! I'm SO looking forward to this - even the drive. Just the 3 of us, doing whatever we want, hanging out. Have to get through the next 2 days at work, pack at night, clean up the house a bit... and then cram everything into a rental car and get the heck outta dodge. Thank GOD.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Adventures in Toddlerhood.
So today was a very exciting day! We had a doc's appointment for A at 11 - she has a sinus infection, hence the 2 week+ cough and chest rattling. While we were there, still in the waiting room, she tripped, fell and went head first into the seat of a chair. Just a few minutes of screaming, but you could see the bridge of her nose swelling up, and her top lip getting fat & a little bloody. My poor baby! She was fine, nothing broken & we made it through the appointment without further incident. Let's hope she doesn't have two shiners tomorrow morning!
We came home for the day, but took a trip to our fave place ever - Walmart - later in the afternoon. While we were there, I just happened to see Elmo toilet seats for potty training & picked two up. She's started telling us when she's already peed by grabbing her crotch and whispering puh puh, so I figured what the heck, let's see what happens!
Well.... we get home, have dinner & head up for her bath. She tells me "puh puh," so I get the seat out & plop her on it.
SHE PEED.
The very first time I put her on the potty, she peed!!
I'm not delusional enough to think she's ready to potty train, but they do bring all the kids to the toilet together, so I know she's getting exposure to it. I'll take what I can get! Maybe this interest means we'll train earlier rather than later - maybe right after a year?? We'll see, but it was a very exciting milestone for my "baby!"
We came home for the day, but took a trip to our fave place ever - Walmart - later in the afternoon. While we were there, I just happened to see Elmo toilet seats for potty training & picked two up. She's started telling us when she's already peed by grabbing her crotch and whispering puh puh, so I figured what the heck, let's see what happens!
Well.... we get home, have dinner & head up for her bath. She tells me "puh puh," so I get the seat out & plop her on it.
SHE PEED.
The very first time I put her on the potty, she peed!!
I'm not delusional enough to think she's ready to potty train, but they do bring all the kids to the toilet together, so I know she's getting exposure to it. I'll take what I can get! Maybe this interest means we'll train earlier rather than later - maybe right after a year?? We'll see, but it was a very exciting milestone for my "baby!"
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Fine China & Sterling Silver - Of course!
We rarely use all the fancy things we got for our wedding like crystal & sterling, and I certainly never thought I'd have Allie use any of the silver & porcelain that was given to her. But this morning, my baby found herself eating off a sterling silver baby fork, engraved with her initials and everything! She's been using a spoon pretty well, but the big forks we have are just too dangerous (as has been proven more than once...oops!) and I don't have any baby forks. I just keep forgetting to get them. So this morning, I had the brilliant revelation that we have a baby fork - it just happens to be pretty darn fancy for eating mini pancakes and strawberries. Oh well, it was perfect, and she loved stabbing her food the table over and over again. It was quite a sight, and I'm sure MIL would be proud.
All in all, it was a pretty fun(ny) morning at the Cartz house...
- A pointed at an empty beer bottle on the counter and said "Dada."
- My girl is a shoe horse - she LOVES shoes and gets so excited for them. Today when I was getting her dressed, she started to get fussy. As soon as I said I was going to get her some shoes, she flat out CHEERED. Arms in the air, fists held high, squealing (really screeching) "yaaaaah!!!" Thattagirl.
- This morning she grabbed: a tampon out of my purse, my razor off the tub, my earring straight out of my ear and pulled my shirt out to put her hand down it. That last one was just weird.
- I rarely wear lipstick, but today I happen to put it on. When I was putting her in the car, she found a (capped) pen, and started tracing her lips with it. SO cute!
I don't remember if I put these words on the other list:
MoMo - Elmo
Cah - Car ( Her little red Cozy Coupe & the pink Radio Flyer bike from Uncle Mike). This one is new this week.
Cooo - C and I got her to say "cool" by repeating it over and over again. It only happened a few times but it was awesome.
Woah! No explanation needed :)
All in all, it was a pretty fun(ny) morning at the Cartz house...
- A pointed at an empty beer bottle on the counter and said "Dada."
- My girl is a shoe horse - she LOVES shoes and gets so excited for them. Today when I was getting her dressed, she started to get fussy. As soon as I said I was going to get her some shoes, she flat out CHEERED. Arms in the air, fists held high, squealing (really screeching) "yaaaaah!!!" Thattagirl.
- This morning she grabbed: a tampon out of my purse, my razor off the tub, my earring straight out of my ear and pulled my shirt out to put her hand down it. That last one was just weird.
- I rarely wear lipstick, but today I happen to put it on. When I was putting her in the car, she found a (capped) pen, and started tracing her lips with it. SO cute!
I don't remember if I put these words on the other list:
MoMo - Elmo
Cah - Car ( Her little red Cozy Coupe & the pink Radio Flyer bike from Uncle Mike). This one is new this week.
Cooo - C and I got her to say "cool" by repeating it over and over again. It only happened a few times but it was awesome.
Woah! No explanation needed :)
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