I'm an awful blogger.

Wow. November 2011 seems like a million years ago. Oops. I don't have much of an exciting life, but I'm sure I could have found things to write about...
Yes, Aunt Carol passed away.
My best friend Apryl started working with me - like at WORK work. It's pretty awesome.
A turned 2 years old, and we had a Nemo party for her.
I made peppermint bark & hot chocolate mix for people for Christmas gifts.
I got my first Uggs for Christmas.
A actually enjoyed Christmas this year.
She also then had her tonsils & adenoids out on Dec. 27th. That was fun.
She's talking up a storm, full sentences, and is adorable. She sings her ABCs..sorta.. twinkle...sorta.. itsy bitsy spider..sorta. Hilariously entertaining, but also shows how smart she is!
She also may be getting bullied by one girl at school...there are incident reports every week, and A is also the offender at times, but more often than not, it's A who comes home with a scratch on her face, bitemarks, etc. Not quite sure what to do about it...
I just turned 29.3 last week. A sang to me and it was amazing. I also refuse to tell anyone I'm 32. I don't have a reason, I'm not scared that I'm old and dying or something... I just like to think of myself as 29 instead.

I will try to post more - if for nothing else than to have some sort of record for Alexandra... I really should be better about it!

Auntie Carol

Today, my Aunt Carol will die from breast cancer.  Its been a long battle, and much of what could go wrong has. She was too disabled by treatments to work and lost her job of 25 years & healthcare coverage... She got terribly depressed and basically became a shut in... My grandmother died, and put her further into a depression... My cousin has been ill this whole time as well. She thought she was in remission, and a doctor told her that the rash she had was just from radiation, when in fact it was breast cancer cells that had spread and manifested on the skin... And that was basically the beginning of the end.

She went into the hospital in September with awful swelling, and it turns out her kidneys had shut down. She was saved with a shunt, but was told she didn't have much time - that the cancer had taken over. She's been in a nursing home in hospice care since then, and we've all had a chance to say our goodbyes, make peace with the situation.

In the last week or so, she's gone way down hill, very quickly. My cousin Keith & my dad just got the call that she has become unresponsive, and likely won't make it through the end of the day. So they are going there to be by her side and together.

She's an amazing lady. We didn't have the cutesy aunt-neice relationship. She was always no-bullshit with me, treated me like a friend, and I respected her for it. When she pulled back from everyone - from life really - I let her...called now and then but I didn't push her...until she went into the hospital I hadn't see her since Christmas 2009!

I got to tell her I loved her a million times, held her hand, told her stories, listened to hers, brought Allie to see her when she was with it enough to interact. I told her I was sorry that it had been so long -- that I felt like a shitty niece, that I could have pushed, banged on her door... she told me it was better this way. I told her I wasn't asking for forgiveness and she - ever the wiseass - waved her hand in the sign of the cross like a priest and said "I absolve you." Cracking jokes till the end. That's Auntie Carol, and that's why I love her.

So I don't have any regrets. I said goodbye many times over the past few weeks, but the imminent-ness of this is hitting me much harder than I thought it would...

Auntie Carol - your strength, your grit, and your resolve through all the shit that life has thrown at you are inspirational. Maybe you weren't always graceful in how you handled things, but you handled them the way that YOU wanted to, at no one else's direction and on no one's terms but your own. For that, I will forever admire you and be grateful for your example of true strength. I wish you a painless, calm, peaceful and love-filled passing...Tell Gramma I said hello, watch over our family, and come visit whenever you want.

I love you.

Catch up

Well, the tonsils are out. Very quick surgery, but all the stuff I read online about adult recovery has been true so far. Even the doc said it's a very predictable recovery...and not a fun one. Surgery was last Wed, 8/24 and every day since has gotten progressively more painful. I've lost about 7lbs, so hey - there's a silver lining in there somewhere. But I can basically only eat applesauce, popsicles & jello. Not to mention Hurricane Irene came through on Sunday... just when the scabs & pain got worse, so not having ready access to ice for the 19hours the power was out was awful. We are lucky to have our power back -- much of the state does not yet, including my parents!

I can't wait for vacation. Leaving on Saturday for a week up in Maine at the beach. C has been travelling on a new work project for 3 weeks, and wasn't even home for the surgery (mom & sis stayed with me to help with A & bring me ice chips). He needs this vacation so badly -- between travel to Jacksonville & Detroit, multiple delayed and cancelled flights that kept him away over weekends, he is stressed and exhausted. Luckily he's home this week, but is flying out the day after we get home from ME. Awesome for his career, exposure, experience and all that jazz...but selfishly, I miss him, and its really tiring doing everything on my own here! He's gotten a taste of it for the last couple days, since I've been pretty useless as far as home/child/dog care have gone... the pain meds knock me out, I am not supposed to lift A, though I have, and I'm in too much pain to talk much, so he's borne the brunt of it all. Fair is fair :)

Other than that.....nada mas. Just looking forward to eating real food, napping on the beach & getting some sun next week!