A had her 9 month and pre-op combo appointment today. Ears look better, and we were given the green light for surgery next Tuesday, Sept. 7th.
She is 31.25 inches, 22lbs 6 oz, and her head was 44cm circumfrence. Off the charts for height (even further off than last time!), 95th%ile for weight, and 52nd%ile for her head. I dont agree with the weight, seeing as she was 21lbs 11oz exactly a week ago... 11oz in a week? Doubtful. Poop weight, it's gotta be.
As for developmental stuff... she's ahead of the curve for standing, cruising, being a PITA during diaper changes; just right for talking, responding to her name & noises, playing with objects, grasping things; and not quite there yet for clapping, waving, pointing. Doc was happy with how A is doing, so that means I'm a happy mama. We talked about discipline (how the heck do you discipline a 9 month old?!), eating table food, transitioning to milk at a year and some other things that I already forgot. Oh - safety. We really have more to do by way of baby proofing. Like a lot. And I told my mom she needed to put those cushy things on the sharp edges of the tables and she was not happy..."only if they come off"- yeah, aesthetics are more important than her safety, thanks Ma.
Anywho.
Just had to get the stats down.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
Not fair.
Sometimes, there is no other way to put it but to say life is not fair. Maybe it sounds like a childish tantrum, but it's true.
Right now, a friend is watching her husband fade away after a long, courageous battle with cancer. She's 31, and has to face a reality of a life without her partner. I can't fathom how she is feeling, and I hate that she is going through this. I feel useless, like I can't help her at all.......and I can only imagine that she feels the same way about not being able to do anything for him.
She's seen cancer steal his energy, his positive attitude, his body, and everything else that he used to be. I think she's handled it with more grace than I ever could. Yes, they've fought. Yes, she's been angry with him and with the world. Yes, she feels bitter and jaded and numb. But I can't blame her. She doesn't give herself enough credit for her strength & resilience. So she cries. Sometimes even breaks down completely. Big deal. Wouldn't you? She loves her husband, and is helplessly watching him die. What could be worse?
My friend, "sorry" seems beyond inadequate to tell you how I feel about what you are going through. You don't deserve this - to lose your husband, to be a widow, to have to make such hard decisions on your own. It's too fast, and too difficult, too painful, and just plain awful. But you are amazing. You have been his rock and his strength when he didn't have any of his own, his logic & level-head when he couldn't think straight, his fight when he wanted to give up, and his energy when he was too tired to get through the day. I bet you didn't even know you had that strength, fight & energy in you. I know you are exhausted, but you muster it up somehow because you love him. If that's not a testament to true love.... You have shown grace in a terrible situation, and while I know you won't take credit, you have kept him going in his battle.
No, her husband's fight is not about me. At all. I know that. But, right now, I'm on the outside looking in. Hearing small bits of info from her, and more details from another friend, and not being able to do anything to lift her burden or protect her from hurting.
So I am left to think about what I would do in her situation, and I honestly don't know. I know one thing for sure, I wouldn't handle it with such dignity and poise as she is. I don't know how I'd get through it, how I'd be able to care for A without C, how I'd be able to explain to A where her daddy went... C and I have struggled so much this year - in our communication, our treatment of each other, our ability to forgive... Just last night I told him I had doubts about whether we would make it...Awful, I know. He was so hurt, and took it to mean that I didn't want to make it, which couldn't be farther from the truth. She shouldn't be an example, and I know wouldn't want to be seen as such, so this seems selfish even saying it... But seeing my friend go through this puts everything in perspective. I have C here. He is in control of his diabetes right now which means he is as healthy as he can be for now, and I have to work harder. At my attitude, at my response and reaction to him, at my temper and my mouth, at my contributions to our relationship, at being able to forgive, at being more flexible, at being appreciative and thankful, and at being a better friend and wife to him. Because if I were to lose him, I'd have too many regrets, too many things I'd look back on and hate myself for. I am lucky to have him here, right now, and that is the most important thing. Not whether he fed the baby overnight, or worked late, or didn't ask me how my day was. He's here.
I don't know how to end this post. So I'll just end it.
Right now, a friend is watching her husband fade away after a long, courageous battle with cancer. She's 31, and has to face a reality of a life without her partner. I can't fathom how she is feeling, and I hate that she is going through this. I feel useless, like I can't help her at all.......and I can only imagine that she feels the same way about not being able to do anything for him.
She's seen cancer steal his energy, his positive attitude, his body, and everything else that he used to be. I think she's handled it with more grace than I ever could. Yes, they've fought. Yes, she's been angry with him and with the world. Yes, she feels bitter and jaded and numb. But I can't blame her. She doesn't give herself enough credit for her strength & resilience. So she cries. Sometimes even breaks down completely. Big deal. Wouldn't you? She loves her husband, and is helplessly watching him die. What could be worse?
My friend, "sorry" seems beyond inadequate to tell you how I feel about what you are going through. You don't deserve this - to lose your husband, to be a widow, to have to make such hard decisions on your own. It's too fast, and too difficult, too painful, and just plain awful. But you are amazing. You have been his rock and his strength when he didn't have any of his own, his logic & level-head when he couldn't think straight, his fight when he wanted to give up, and his energy when he was too tired to get through the day. I bet you didn't even know you had that strength, fight & energy in you. I know you are exhausted, but you muster it up somehow because you love him. If that's not a testament to true love.... You have shown grace in a terrible situation, and while I know you won't take credit, you have kept him going in his battle.
No, her husband's fight is not about me. At all. I know that. But, right now, I'm on the outside looking in. Hearing small bits of info from her, and more details from another friend, and not being able to do anything to lift her burden or protect her from hurting.
So I am left to think about what I would do in her situation, and I honestly don't know. I know one thing for sure, I wouldn't handle it with such dignity and poise as she is. I don't know how I'd get through it, how I'd be able to care for A without C, how I'd be able to explain to A where her daddy went... C and I have struggled so much this year - in our communication, our treatment of each other, our ability to forgive... Just last night I told him I had doubts about whether we would make it...Awful, I know. He was so hurt, and took it to mean that I didn't want to make it, which couldn't be farther from the truth. She shouldn't be an example, and I know wouldn't want to be seen as such, so this seems selfish even saying it... But seeing my friend go through this puts everything in perspective. I have C here. He is in control of his diabetes right now which means he is as healthy as he can be for now, and I have to work harder. At my attitude, at my response and reaction to him, at my temper and my mouth, at my contributions to our relationship, at being able to forgive, at being more flexible, at being appreciative and thankful, and at being a better friend and wife to him. Because if I were to lose him, I'd have too many regrets, too many things I'd look back on and hate myself for. I am lucky to have him here, right now, and that is the most important thing. Not whether he fed the baby overnight, or worked late, or didn't ask me how my day was. He's here.
I don't know how to end this post. So I'll just end it.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
9 months in, 9 months out!
Um, how is it possible that Allie is 9 months old today? Didn't I just find out I was pregnant? Scratch that...didn't I just get married? The great "they" warn that it flies by, but I had no idea it would go this fast. I went from a squirmy chicken-ass little nugget to an off-the-charts nearly toddler who stands up, giggles, recognizes her name and her puppy, eats table food, and says DaDa and BaBa in the blink of an eye. I hope I never forget a second of this time...
As reality hits me just how quickly she's growing up, I know I need to drink in every second of love and bliss with my baby. Her beautiful eyes, lips, cheeks (both sets!) and smile......her contagious giggle......her instant recognition and reach for me....... soft cuddles as she gets sleepy..... the way she still holds my fingers..... her obsession with her BFF Jethro....her ability to learn new things so quickly, from eating with her hands, to drinking with a sippy cup, to taking steps in her PNP, to playing with new toys...... every moment with her is a gift, and I hope the amazing love and pride I feel for her today, and the joy she instills in my heart, just purely by existing, never, ever fade.
Happy 9 months, Sweet Angel. Don't grow up too fast... Daddy and Mommy selfishly need their baby to stay little for just a bit longer...
Here's my baby at the park yesterday, loving the swing. If I could upload the video of her giggling hysterically from my crappy phone (yes, I still have a regular cell phone, no smart phone for me!), I would..but these will have to suffice for now!
As reality hits me just how quickly she's growing up, I know I need to drink in every second of love and bliss with my baby. Her beautiful eyes, lips, cheeks (both sets!) and smile......her contagious giggle......her instant recognition and reach for me....... soft cuddles as she gets sleepy..... the way she still holds my fingers..... her obsession with her BFF Jethro....her ability to learn new things so quickly, from eating with her hands, to drinking with a sippy cup, to taking steps in her PNP, to playing with new toys...... every moment with her is a gift, and I hope the amazing love and pride I feel for her today, and the joy she instills in my heart, just purely by existing, never, ever fade.
Happy 9 months, Sweet Angel. Don't grow up too fast... Daddy and Mommy selfishly need their baby to stay little for just a bit longer...
Here's my baby at the park yesterday, loving the swing. If I could upload the video of her giggling hysterically from my crappy phone (yes, I still have a regular cell phone, no smart phone for me!), I would..but these will have to suffice for now!
Monday, August 16, 2010
Hello? Caller?
I have laryngitis! We had the party on Saturday, which went really well - Lots of food, babies in the pool, sidewalk chalk, frisbee, and an absolutely gorgeous day all made it a lot of fun. Somewhere around 7 or 8:00, when most of the people had gone, the baby was asleep, the grill had been extinguished (no, really... it caught on fire!) and it was just me and the boys sitting around talking, I suddenly couldn't contribute to the conversation! It was like a switch was flipped - I have no idea where it went, and it's not like I did a ton of yelling or anything at the party, but I now squeak like a 14 year old boy in puberty... or a 2-pack-a-day old bitty.... I think some people sound sexy with laryngitis...but not me! I get the trucker voice. Good thing I don't work on the phone..oh wait ~ I do!
Today will be interesting. "Good morning, this is Jen" when I answer the phone will come out with squeaks and squawks, and hopefully be interpreted on the other end of the line! This will be interesting.
Today will be interesting. "Good morning, this is Jen" when I answer the phone will come out with squeaks and squawks, and hopefully be interpreted on the other end of the line! This will be interesting.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Happiness is...
....seeing A instantly light up with a smile and reach for me when I walk into a room
....an old friend fighting through heartbreak to finally meet her beautiful baby girl
....a nap in the warm sunshine
....having the baby sleep through the night
....finally breaking through at work and getting into a good flow
....friends getting together just because
....waking up to A's laughter over the monitor
....a good hair day.....ok, a day where my hair doesn't look like a chia pet
....1lb down on the scale
....puppy kisses
....hand holding
....clean sheets
....walking barefoot in the sand - but only if it's not too hot!
....seeing others who deserve happiness truly experience it
What else? I've been so reflective lately for some reason - both on what I should be grateful for and what I should let go of. Some of these seem cheesy, I know. But so much has happened recently that I think it's important to take stock sometimes, to notice small details, seemingly insignificant words, or tiny gestures that end up making a difference. Perspective is a gift, and when it shows up, I try to really, really pay attention.
....an old friend fighting through heartbreak to finally meet her beautiful baby girl
....a nap in the warm sunshine
....having the baby sleep through the night
....finally breaking through at work and getting into a good flow
....friends getting together just because
....waking up to A's laughter over the monitor
....a good hair day.....ok, a day where my hair doesn't look like a chia pet
....1lb down on the scale
....puppy kisses
....hand holding
....clean sheets
....walking barefoot in the sand - but only if it's not too hot!
....seeing others who deserve happiness truly experience it
What else? I've been so reflective lately for some reason - both on what I should be grateful for and what I should let go of. Some of these seem cheesy, I know. But so much has happened recently that I think it's important to take stock sometimes, to notice small details, seemingly insignificant words, or tiny gestures that end up making a difference. Perspective is a gift, and when it shows up, I try to really, really pay attention.
Poop?
Not about baby things - imagine that!
An intelligent conversation between my sister and I last night, in the basement while moving crap from the garage downstairs for the party:
Me: EW! What is that on the window sill? Is that poop? Dirt?
S: Uh, I have no idea.
Me: EW! It looks like it's coming out of the window! It's too small to be mouse poop, right? RIGHT?
S: Uh, I have no clue. Ew. Let me get closer. I still don't know.
Me: Ew! Don't touch it, I'm not touching it. Is it saw dust? Like bugs burrowed through the wall or window frame or something? Ew. I'm not touching it!
S: Jen, I have no idea what it is.
Me: Lets get out of here!
{{and you can hear the baby crying in the background, because we've left her outside in the yard in her stroller while we examine the crumbly pile... I'm such a good mom.}}
I'm 30, my sister almost 28. And neither of us would touch whatever it was to find out. I think she was annoyed with me. Whatever, it was gross.
I will have to send C downstairs to check it out. That's why I keep him around - for reaching things my vertically challenged butt can't, killing bugs, and cleaning piles of unidentifiable stuff. Oh yeah, and he's cute.
An intelligent conversation between my sister and I last night, in the basement while moving crap from the garage downstairs for the party:
Me: EW! What is that on the window sill? Is that poop? Dirt?
S: Uh, I have no idea.
Me: EW! It looks like it's coming out of the window! It's too small to be mouse poop, right? RIGHT?
S: Uh, I have no clue. Ew. Let me get closer. I still don't know.
Me: Ew! Don't touch it, I'm not touching it. Is it saw dust? Like bugs burrowed through the wall or window frame or something? Ew. I'm not touching it!
S: Jen, I have no idea what it is.
Me: Lets get out of here!
{{and you can hear the baby crying in the background, because we've left her outside in the yard in her stroller while we examine the crumbly pile... I'm such a good mom.}}
I'm 30, my sister almost 28. And neither of us would touch whatever it was to find out. I think she was annoyed with me. Whatever, it was gross.
I will have to send C downstairs to check it out. That's why I keep him around - for reaching things my vertically challenged butt can't, killing bugs, and cleaning piles of unidentifiable stuff. Oh yeah, and he's cute.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Party time!
I had this grand plan to have a surprise party for C a month after his birthday. Then I realized I can't keep secrets or surprises, and blew it by showing him a picture and forgetting about the caption underneath it discussing the party we were having......Dumb, dumb, dumb. So now it's just a BBQ, and it'll probably work out better because I have no idea how I would have convinced him to do all the house and yard work we've been doing for the last week or so! Silver lining :)
So the big shindig is this weekend, and here's to hoping it all goes well. No drama, no drunken brawls, no kids getting hurt, no food poisoning, no tents falling down, no horrible rain storms to keep everyone inside the house.....Oy. I forgot how stressful and expensive hosting a party was! Let's avoid this in the future, Jen, eh?
So the big shindig is this weekend, and here's to hoping it all goes well. No drama, no drunken brawls, no kids getting hurt, no food poisoning, no tents falling down, no horrible rain storms to keep everyone inside the house.....Oy. I forgot how stressful and expensive hosting a party was! Let's avoid this in the future, Jen, eh?
She stands! And other odds & ends...
About 2 weeks ago, I turn and look and there is A, standing up in her Pack 'n' Play - STANDING, PEOPLE! So I grab the video camera and capture her doing it again :) Now she pulls up like a pro, on just about everything from your knees, to chairs, to the dog (who loves it, really...) and she's pretty darn steady, too! She'll even take a couple steps to the side while holding on in the PnP-- I can't believe how close she is to walking! We are in so much trouble with this one...
In baby other news, tubes are on the menu for our little baby. She's had so many ear infections over the past couple months, and the ENT at Yale agreed it was probably a good idea not to wait. I was worried about speech delays or hearing loss... and she's so young to get this many infections, so we bit the bullet and scheduled surgery for Sept. 7th. Logically I know it's a routine, 5 minute procedure and she'll be fine. But the thought of my baby under anesthesia, with a knife in her ear, does not sit well with me... Ugh.
Can't believe she's almost 9 months old. I've been really nostalgic lately and getting a little teary that my baby isn't so much a baby anymore. She's saying Da Da, Ba Ba, Ra Ra and every once in a while we get an "L" by accident. No Mama yet, but hopefully soon - I can't wait to hear that come out of her mouth. She'll get whatever she wants if she just says "mama" first! Luckily she's not associating Dada with C yet, so I'm not too jealous :) She's wearing 18month clothes (and even bigger sometimes!) because she's so tall - 30 inches and probably 22lbs by now! That's 10 inches and 15 lbs in 9 months - Insane! I'm so torn - if I could go back to see her littler again, I would... but if I could freeze time and have her snuggle on me every day like she does today, I would...but if I could fast forward to hear her talk and see her walk, I would... I can't believe how fast this is all passing by, and I miss her during the day when I'm at work. I feel like I miss so much, and she deserves more time with mommy & daddy. But the daycare people are great, and she thrives there.
She is amazing - truly, truly amazing. I adore her. I was so scared about how fast we got pregnant, so nervous about what it would mean to my life as it was, to our relationship, etc. And everything has changed without a doubt. But I would never, ever wish for a day without her. I didn't know it until she was here, and no one can prepare you for the love you have for your child, but I was meant to be her mommy. She has turned my universe upside down in the most magical ways, and I couldn't ever imagine living in a world without seeing her smile, hearing her giggle, feeling her cuddles and her soft hand holding mine, gazing into her amazing blue eyes, and just drinking in her beauty and her love every single day.
I love you, little girl. More than I'll ever be able to explain to you in words or hugs or kisses.
In baby other news, tubes are on the menu for our little baby. She's had so many ear infections over the past couple months, and the ENT at Yale agreed it was probably a good idea not to wait. I was worried about speech delays or hearing loss... and she's so young to get this many infections, so we bit the bullet and scheduled surgery for Sept. 7th. Logically I know it's a routine, 5 minute procedure and she'll be fine. But the thought of my baby under anesthesia, with a knife in her ear, does not sit well with me... Ugh.
Can't believe she's almost 9 months old. I've been really nostalgic lately and getting a little teary that my baby isn't so much a baby anymore. She's saying Da Da, Ba Ba, Ra Ra and every once in a while we get an "L" by accident. No Mama yet, but hopefully soon - I can't wait to hear that come out of her mouth. She'll get whatever she wants if she just says "mama" first! Luckily she's not associating Dada with C yet, so I'm not too jealous :) She's wearing 18month clothes (and even bigger sometimes!) because she's so tall - 30 inches and probably 22lbs by now! That's 10 inches and 15 lbs in 9 months - Insane! I'm so torn - if I could go back to see her littler again, I would... but if I could freeze time and have her snuggle on me every day like she does today, I would...but if I could fast forward to hear her talk and see her walk, I would... I can't believe how fast this is all passing by, and I miss her during the day when I'm at work. I feel like I miss so much, and she deserves more time with mommy & daddy. But the daycare people are great, and she thrives there.
She is amazing - truly, truly amazing. I adore her. I was so scared about how fast we got pregnant, so nervous about what it would mean to my life as it was, to our relationship, etc. And everything has changed without a doubt. But I would never, ever wish for a day without her. I didn't know it until she was here, and no one can prepare you for the love you have for your child, but I was meant to be her mommy. She has turned my universe upside down in the most magical ways, and I couldn't ever imagine living in a world without seeing her smile, hearing her giggle, feeling her cuddles and her soft hand holding mine, gazing into her amazing blue eyes, and just drinking in her beauty and her love every single day.
I love you, little girl. More than I'll ever be able to explain to you in words or hugs or kisses.
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