I have so much to say and can't, just in case someone specific ever reads this. I have tons of anxiety today, and it's making me sick. The baby knows it too... it's amazing that she can sense my tension, anger, and frustration and reacts to it.
Suffice it to say when people you love make horrible, horrible life decisions and there's nothing you can do about it, it sucks.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
Of all people....
Listen, I'm not a tiny person, and I know it. But I'm not ginormous either. I'm measuring on track for the pregnancy, while I've gained a little more than I probably should have by now, it is what it is. I have always had trouble losing and maintaining a weight - why I thought pg would be any different I don't know.
But to get an insensitive "are you SURE you're due in November???" comment from my mom blew my mind. I am furious with her and I cried all night last night about it. Hormonal? Yes. But really... of all people, why would my mom - who knows my body image/self esteem issues - think it's ok to say anything like that to me? I expect random stranger comments about twins or you must be ready to pop or whatever. But not from my mom. She has been ridiculously unsupportive throughout this pregnancy.... eerily similar to the wedding, where she didn't want to come across as pushy or bossy, so she was completely detached and uninterested. She doesn't share opinions, advice, stories, concerns, excitement, plans, ANYTHING.
I hate it. And I'm beginning to resent her. My mom is supposed to be there for me through everything and she acts like she doesn't give a shit - about me or the baby. I asked if she might want to stay a couple days after the baby is born and C goes back to work to help me. NO. She has also openly stated that she does not want to babysit (like one day a week to lessen the cost of daycare)...but that who knows, maybe her feelings will change when she meets the baby. Really? Thanks for caring and wanting to spend ANY time with her. She is so negative. She is so BLAH.
So I've decided to pretty much stop sharing milestones, appointments, ANYTHING baby related with her. I don't care if she doesn't.
But to get an insensitive "are you SURE you're due in November???" comment from my mom blew my mind. I am furious with her and I cried all night last night about it. Hormonal? Yes. But really... of all people, why would my mom - who knows my body image/self esteem issues - think it's ok to say anything like that to me? I expect random stranger comments about twins or you must be ready to pop or whatever. But not from my mom. She has been ridiculously unsupportive throughout this pregnancy.... eerily similar to the wedding, where she didn't want to come across as pushy or bossy, so she was completely detached and uninterested. She doesn't share opinions, advice, stories, concerns, excitement, plans, ANYTHING.
I hate it. And I'm beginning to resent her. My mom is supposed to be there for me through everything and she acts like she doesn't give a shit - about me or the baby. I asked if she might want to stay a couple days after the baby is born and C goes back to work to help me. NO. She has also openly stated that she does not want to babysit (like one day a week to lessen the cost of daycare)...but that who knows, maybe her feelings will change when she meets the baby. Really? Thanks for caring and wanting to spend ANY time with her. She is so negative. She is so BLAH.
So I've decided to pretty much stop sharing milestones, appointments, ANYTHING baby related with her. I don't care if she doesn't.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Speaking of hiccups...
I forgot to write that C got to SEE her hiccup last week at the ultrasound! It was awesome, seriously one of the best moments of all these appointments!
I could feel her and see her jumping a little on the screen... I said see that?? That's her hiccuping and the doc said it too! It still makes me smile that he got to see what I feel every day!
I could feel her and see her jumping a little on the screen... I said see that?? That's her hiccuping and the doc said it too! It still makes me smile that he got to see what I feel every day!
Baby progress - last ultrasound!
So today is our last appointment at UCONN for ultrasound & PR Interval measurement... While I'm happy I won't have to drive from North Haven to Farmington every Tuesday, missing a half a day of work, I will miss seeing her every week! Dr. B said I don't have another ultrasound for the rest of the pg, unless there is a concern, so this is the last time C & I will see her until we meet her! 13.5 weeks left... I can't believe I'm almost in my 3rd trimester. This is insane!
Her nursery is coming along...ok... walls are being patched & sanded, and we're going to figure out what to do with the floors. We were going to refinish the hardwoods and put a cute area rug down, but I think we're going wall to wall carpet instead. Easier to maintain, warmer in the winter, won't look weird being the only room upstairs with h/w floors, etc. Oh well - it was a nice idea while it lasted :)
Sarah scheduled my shower - and I'm excited! I didn't want my mom to have to host, but it's at my parents' house and I'm secretly relieved it won't be out at a restaurant or something. And I'm so glad it will just be family and close friends - PHEW! I hate things like that, and I'm really glad the pressure will be off. Now we just need to complete our registries!
I really gotta get my ass moving at work...need to build up a client base and have stuff in the pipeline in the next few months before I have the baby. I just can't get motivated... I need to, though!
In other news... Amanda's this weekend, Blink 182 the weekend after, then meeting up with Lisa & Heather in NY, then a weekend away with C in New Hampshire and I'm SO EXCITED for all of it! It's great to have things to look forward to every weekend! AND We got tickets to Kelly Clarkson (Amanda and me) - I'll be the big fat pregnant woman there, but whatever. Kelly puts on a damn good show and I can't wait! Gotta get all this in before the walmut arrives :)
Her nursery is coming along...ok... walls are being patched & sanded, and we're going to figure out what to do with the floors. We were going to refinish the hardwoods and put a cute area rug down, but I think we're going wall to wall carpet instead. Easier to maintain, warmer in the winter, won't look weird being the only room upstairs with h/w floors, etc. Oh well - it was a nice idea while it lasted :)
Sarah scheduled my shower - and I'm excited! I didn't want my mom to have to host, but it's at my parents' house and I'm secretly relieved it won't be out at a restaurant or something. And I'm so glad it will just be family and close friends - PHEW! I hate things like that, and I'm really glad the pressure will be off. Now we just need to complete our registries!
I really gotta get my ass moving at work...need to build up a client base and have stuff in the pipeline in the next few months before I have the baby. I just can't get motivated... I need to, though!
In other news... Amanda's this weekend, Blink 182 the weekend after, then meeting up with Lisa & Heather in NY, then a weekend away with C in New Hampshire and I'm SO EXCITED for all of it! It's great to have things to look forward to every weekend! AND We got tickets to Kelly Clarkson (Amanda and me) - I'll be the big fat pregnant woman there, but whatever. Kelly puts on a damn good show and I can't wait! Gotta get all this in before the walmut arrives :)
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Phew.
Chris's dad had his aortic valve replaced today - so scary.
We knew it was coming eventually...but not within a week of his last doctor's appointment. Whatever leak that was there was worse than anticipated and he has not been feeling well at all. I am at work, but C has been at the hospital all day with Elaine and Tim and apparently everything went well. It was far too recently that I went through this with Dad after his heart attack, and that was 'only' a triple bypass surgery, not a valve replacement. And this is his second one! I can only imagine how nervous and anxious they have all been all day, and I hope they get to see him in the ICU soon - even though he'll be knocked out & all hooked up to tubes and stuff, at least they can see him.
But at least it's over, he's out of surgery and can begin the long, painful, tiring healing process.
We knew it was coming eventually...but not within a week of his last doctor's appointment. Whatever leak that was there was worse than anticipated and he has not been feeling well at all. I am at work, but C has been at the hospital all day with Elaine and Tim and apparently everything went well. It was far too recently that I went through this with Dad after his heart attack, and that was 'only' a triple bypass surgery, not a valve replacement. And this is his second one! I can only imagine how nervous and anxious they have all been all day, and I hope they get to see him in the ICU soon - even though he'll be knocked out & all hooked up to tubes and stuff, at least they can see him.
But at least it's over, he's out of surgery and can begin the long, painful, tiring healing process.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Hiccups!
She is hiccuping! (Hiccoughing? I never know how to spell it). And it is so weird, cute, cool and just amazing! Tons and tons of movement every day with her kicking and punching and rolling around... and you can see my stomach move now when she kicks. You can't see a defined foot or a hand yet, but you can see movement for sure!
I'm 24 weeks, 3 days - technically she is viable if I were to deliver now, but let's hang on a little longer, little one.
Nursery progress - cabinets & the 'backsplash' of the desk are out. Desk and lower drawers are still in, but hopefully this week they'll be out. Now the walls...that's a whole other story. Holes beneath the cabinets are the size of a fist for the under-cabinet lighting wiring - through the plaster, through the slats behind the plaster... lovely. And when we took the backsplash out, the glue stuck in a bunch of places (it was really glued down!) and we made a couple more holes last night. Oh well... we'll learn how to patch with plaster!!
In Jen & Chris news -- we are trying to plan a vacation. Just a mini get away for before the baby comes - I have enough miles to fly us somewhere free, and Chris has points on a visa card for a hotel for 1 or 2 nights for free too! That will hopefully be planned this week, for the end of the month.
In just Jen news -- I can't wait for a girls' weekend with Lisa & Heather. I'm sure I'll be tired and sore after walking through NYC for 2 days, but it's totally worth it to get away and have some girl time! So excited! And now I have to get back to work...so I can afford all these things!
I'm 24 weeks, 3 days - technically she is viable if I were to deliver now, but let's hang on a little longer, little one.
Nursery progress - cabinets & the 'backsplash' of the desk are out. Desk and lower drawers are still in, but hopefully this week they'll be out. Now the walls...that's a whole other story. Holes beneath the cabinets are the size of a fist for the under-cabinet lighting wiring - through the plaster, through the slats behind the plaster... lovely. And when we took the backsplash out, the glue stuck in a bunch of places (it was really glued down!) and we made a couple more holes last night. Oh well... we'll learn how to patch with plaster!!
In Jen & Chris news -- we are trying to plan a vacation. Just a mini get away for before the baby comes - I have enough miles to fly us somewhere free, and Chris has points on a visa card for a hotel for 1 or 2 nights for free too! That will hopefully be planned this week, for the end of the month.
In just Jen news -- I can't wait for a girls' weekend with Lisa & Heather. I'm sure I'll be tired and sore after walking through NYC for 2 days, but it's totally worth it to get away and have some girl time! So excited! And now I have to get back to work...so I can afford all these things!
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