What a rollercoaster of a year... starting off with Gramma dieing, then finding out we were pregnant a couple weeks later... I couldn't have asked for a more perfect ending though. We had a good first Christmas - Eve at C's parents, Day with my family. It is so fun to see Mike, Tim and Sarah with the baby - they are just as in love as we are. She is truly the light of everyone's life right now...and deservedly so!
Allie,
There are so many things I want to write so I don't forget about the first few weeks of your life. You have already grown and changed so incredibly much, and I love you more and more every day. I do miss having you inside me though - feeling your kicks, talking to you, singing to you, and having just me and you time that no one else has. Granted I spend a lot of time just me and you as it is now, but I do miss that special time a little.
You took a while to get here, but I have loved every second of getting to know you and watching you become a little person. Your facial expressions have become so much more -- animated? expressive? I don't know... but you're finally starting to smile a little more, cooing, gooing, grunting, aaahing, and you are adorable in every way. I hate the nights where you don't sleep, but at the same time, I love you so much it doesn't matter. It's more time I get to spend holding you, rocking you, singing to you, and just staring at your beautiful, incredibly dark blue eyes. Right now they are sapphire blue, and I hope they stay that way forever. It is a gorgeous color.
Allie, you are amazing. You make Daddy and me smile and laugh every day - from your "proclamations," where you put your hands up (jazz hands, of course), like you are announcing something important to the whole world, to your conducting, where those arms and hands wave to the music, to your sounds, your kicks ( you have strong legs, little girl), to your goofy grins which make my heart absolutely melt and I get teary eyed just thinking about it. I want to know who you will become, but at the same time I want you to stay this tiny and precious forever. You are a good baby.. you really only cry when you are hungry or wet. You love cuddling and snuggling on me and Daddy's chest or tummy, and when you can't fall asleep in your cradle you will undoubtedly fall asleep in bed with me, cuddled up tight. I love your baby snores, your little sighs, your silly high-pitched giggles as you fall asleep. I love your different ears - you may hate them when you are older, but we think it's awesome that you have one that looks like my ears and one that looks like Daddy's. I love that you stare at lights, and are completely enthralled with ceiling fans.... when they are off. Your yawns are the cutest things I have ever seen, and I want to bottle up your baby smell. You have gained over 3lbs in one month, you have a fabulous double chin that catches formula as you drool when you eat. Your hair gets a little curly in the back when you get hot or when it is wet and I look forward to seeing what it is like as it grows and putting bows and barrettes in it.
You are nothing short of perfect. I can't believe it's already been 6 weeks since we met you, but I feel like we've had you in our lives forever - I would never want to go back. Me and Daddy love you more than anything in the whole wide world and would do anything for you. You are the greatest gift I've ever received.
As this year ends and we start a new year as a family of 4 (with Jethro included, of course!) I am excited to see what each day holds for you, how you grow and change. Happy New Year, little Angel.
Love, Mommy
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Alexandra the Late
Yes, it's been a long time since I updated...and SO many things have happend in the last 3 weeks. Yep - Alexandra is 3 weeks old today! My water broke on Monday November 16th at work (not fun) and 36 hours later, Alexandra Josephine was born at 2:30am on 11/18. Hence the nickname, Alexandra the Late (dubbed by Uncle Mike, not surprisingly!).
She is amazing, and perfect, and silly. C and I just laugh and laugh sometimes - she makes these faces... you want your baby to be cute and beautiful all the time, but sometimes the faces she makes are not so cute and we just laugh. We call her Mr. Magoo ( courtesy of the pediatrician...poor girl got my bags under her eyes) and she grimaces sometimes, scrunches her face up - adorable but not, at the same time. Chris is beyond in love, and he is so cute with her. You can see it in his eyes - she's already a daddy's girl. And it makes me love him even more. We've had our moments where insomnia makes me crazy/cranky and him irritable too, but the dumb fights are long forgotten when we pick her up, smell her baby smell, feel her soft as silk skin, and give her a million kisses.
Breastfeeding didn't work - everything that could go wrong, did... her latch was painful at 20 minutes old, cracked nipples, jaundice, not peeing for 30+ hours, having to supplement with formula, use a nipple shield, then pump... I ended up with a yeast infection in both breasts and mastitis. That was it. I made it just over 2 weeks....and now she's on formula only and mommy is a lot less stressed!
I will write her full birth story soon - I made Chris write it all down at the hospital so I wouldn't forget anything that happened. It wasn't picture perfect, and took way too long, but it was all worth it in the end. I want to have something for Allie to read in the future about our experience of meeting her for the first time, the first couple weeks of life with her, and just how much she is loved. I promise to get it done, I promise myself and Allie! For now, at least I updated the blog... I guess that's something!
She is amazing, and perfect, and silly. C and I just laugh and laugh sometimes - she makes these faces... you want your baby to be cute and beautiful all the time, but sometimes the faces she makes are not so cute and we just laugh. We call her Mr. Magoo ( courtesy of the pediatrician...poor girl got my bags under her eyes) and she grimaces sometimes, scrunches her face up - adorable but not, at the same time. Chris is beyond in love, and he is so cute with her. You can see it in his eyes - she's already a daddy's girl. And it makes me love him even more. We've had our moments where insomnia makes me crazy/cranky and him irritable too, but the dumb fights are long forgotten when we pick her up, smell her baby smell, feel her soft as silk skin, and give her a million kisses.
Breastfeeding didn't work - everything that could go wrong, did... her latch was painful at 20 minutes old, cracked nipples, jaundice, not peeing for 30+ hours, having to supplement with formula, use a nipple shield, then pump... I ended up with a yeast infection in both breasts and mastitis. That was it. I made it just over 2 weeks....and now she's on formula only and mommy is a lot less stressed!
I will write her full birth story soon - I made Chris write it all down at the hospital so I wouldn't forget anything that happened. It wasn't picture perfect, and took way too long, but it was all worth it in the end. I want to have something for Allie to read in the future about our experience of meeting her for the first time, the first couple weeks of life with her, and just how much she is loved. I promise to get it done, I promise myself and Allie! For now, at least I updated the blog... I guess that's something!
Monday, November 16, 2009
The waiting game
Still here, still pregnant. 39 weeks, 3 days.... but on Friday I had progressed from a fingertip (1/2 cm on Monday) to ONE FULL CENTIMETER. wahoo. (sarcasm, people -I could stay that way for weeks). We'll see if all the old wives' tales of Mexican food, eggplant, sex, pineapple, walking and yardwork did anything at today's appointment.
I know I'm not overdue, and she really could just be cozy in there until Dec. 2. I just don't want to wait to meet her! As scared, nervous and anxious as we are, we are just ready. I think we both hit that point this weekend... we want her to be here so badly, to hold her, to kiss her, to smell her and to just stare at her. We are already so in love with this baby we've never met --- and we just want her to be here already! So, fingers crossed for more progress today...
I know I'm not overdue, and she really could just be cozy in there until Dec. 2. I just don't want to wait to meet her! As scared, nervous and anxious as we are, we are just ready. I think we both hit that point this weekend... we want her to be here so badly, to hold her, to kiss her, to smell her and to just stare at her. We are already so in love with this baby we've never met --- and we just want her to be here already! So, fingers crossed for more progress today...
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
No progress
I really hope my OB is wrong. Yesterday I had my first internal exam (they are as fun as they sound, really)... I was barely a fingertip dilated, not effaced at all, and she predicted that I still had a couple weeks. I'm in single digits to my due date (eeek!), yet she's telling me I have to wait even longer?! NO! I'll try every old wives tale there is - pineapple, spicy food, sex, exercise... ok, not castor oil, but all the other ones are fine with me. I am done being this uncomfortable!
In other news, weird dreams abound in the Cartz household. Here are a few that C and I have had in recent weeks:
C - baby born with a full set of teeth. Creepy? Absolutely. But easy fodder for me. I found photoshopped pics of babies with teeth on google and sent him a whole collage of photos just to keep that image in his head :)
Me - Baby's arms and legs reversed, so she had feet coming from her shoulders and hands where her feet should be. Unnerving image, but it is hysterical... I was in tears just explaining it to C the next morning. Still makes me giggle!
Me - Oversupply of breastmilk = squirting milk EVERYWHERE. Including into a salad with my baby's head coming out of it -- trying to feed her through lettuce or something? I can't explain it. Good lord. Can you tell I'm anxious about breastfeeding?! Sheesh.
Me - Baby had one cyclops eye in the center of her forehead. I'll just leave that one alone to speak for itself...
Ok, so I'm stealing the spotlight, but if he's having anymore weird dreams, he's not sharing them with me. I think he's content to laugh at my absurdity and let me think I'm the only insane one!
Anyway --- let's hope doc is wrong, not only so I can stop being SO uncomfortable (as fun as feeling like I'm about to poop out a bowling ball is...) but also so I can go back to normal dreams, with what limited sleep I'll be getting!
In other news, weird dreams abound in the Cartz household. Here are a few that C and I have had in recent weeks:
C - baby born with a full set of teeth. Creepy? Absolutely. But easy fodder for me. I found photoshopped pics of babies with teeth on google and sent him a whole collage of photos just to keep that image in his head :)
Me - Baby's arms and legs reversed, so she had feet coming from her shoulders and hands where her feet should be. Unnerving image, but it is hysterical... I was in tears just explaining it to C the next morning. Still makes me giggle!
Me - Oversupply of breastmilk = squirting milk EVERYWHERE. Including into a salad with my baby's head coming out of it -- trying to feed her through lettuce or something? I can't explain it. Good lord. Can you tell I'm anxious about breastfeeding?! Sheesh.
Me - Baby had one cyclops eye in the center of her forehead. I'll just leave that one alone to speak for itself...
Ok, so I'm stealing the spotlight, but if he's having anymore weird dreams, he's not sharing them with me. I think he's content to laugh at my absurdity and let me think I'm the only insane one!
Anyway --- let's hope doc is wrong, not only so I can stop being SO uncomfortable (as fun as feeling like I'm about to poop out a bowling ball is...) but also so I can go back to normal dreams, with what limited sleep I'll be getting!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Fat feet
Oh water retention,
How I loathe thee.
You make it difficult to walk,
and I always have to pee.
I can't see my feet,
but I know they are fat.
Even my socks are tight -
I have you to thank for that.
It's hard to lift my legs
When I try to prop my feet.
I've perfected the waddle, limp and shuffle
And the groin pain sure is a treat.
Doesn't matter if I stand,
Doesn't matter if I lie or sit...
Is it too much to ask
For one pair of shoes to fit?
My rings don't fit either,
My pants are tight,
And bending over (huffing and puffing) to put on shoes
Is a fruitless fight.
Listen, water retention:
I'm really not a fan.
I'd much prefer NOT
Looking like the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man.
I love my little baby,
I do.
But I'm over being pregnant,
and I'm certainly over you.
Love,
Cartz
How I loathe thee.
You make it difficult to walk,
and I always have to pee.
I can't see my feet,
but I know they are fat.
Even my socks are tight -
I have you to thank for that.
It's hard to lift my legs
When I try to prop my feet.
I've perfected the waddle, limp and shuffle
And the groin pain sure is a treat.
Doesn't matter if I stand,
Doesn't matter if I lie or sit...
Is it too much to ask
For one pair of shoes to fit?
My rings don't fit either,
My pants are tight,
And bending over (huffing and puffing) to put on shoes
Is a fruitless fight.
Listen, water retention:
I'm really not a fan.
I'd much prefer NOT
Looking like the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man.
I love my little baby,
I do.
But I'm over being pregnant,
and I'm certainly over you.
Love,
Cartz
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
All is well in the World of Cartz
No High BP, no contractions while at the doc's yesterday, baby is head down and measuring on track again instead of a little ahead, pain/swelling is normal and we're just in count down mode now. Still will have the NST every week, but at this point, if I go into labor we aren't stopping it! Now we just need her room done.
In other news: I've become the admin at the office (in addition to my real job..which, if I'm being honest, I have completely slacked off with over the last few weeks). So I answer dumb questions about the computer/internet/job postings/phone/whatever, and do other general office stuff too. Well, Dad realized with me leaving we need someone to pick up the slack (and also do recruiting/PC work as job orders pick up) so we just interviewed a bunch of people and will be making the offer today, I think. She was really nice...though it's weird to interview someone, since I've never done it before. I suck at it.
I will be working part time from the office (a few hours a day, every day) from next week on out until the baby comes - I'm just too uncomfortable, fidgety, in pain, swollen, sore, tired, etc. Times like these I'm really grateful my dad is my boss and he's super flexible!
In other news: I've become the admin at the office (in addition to my real job..which, if I'm being honest, I have completely slacked off with over the last few weeks). So I answer dumb questions about the computer/internet/job postings/phone/whatever, and do other general office stuff too. Well, Dad realized with me leaving we need someone to pick up the slack (and also do recruiting/PC work as job orders pick up) so we just interviewed a bunch of people and will be making the offer today, I think. She was really nice...though it's weird to interview someone, since I've never done it before. I suck at it.
I will be working part time from the office (a few hours a day, every day) from next week on out until the baby comes - I'm just too uncomfortable, fidgety, in pain, swollen, sore, tired, etc. Times like these I'm really grateful my dad is my boss and he's super flexible!
Monday, October 26, 2009
OOPS! Update.
So I guess I've been slacking a little - It's been a month since I last posted! So this will probably be long... Though, honestly...not too much in the way of substance has happened :)
I did have my shower, which was awesome. Close friends and family, at my mom's house - totally casual, comfortable and great all around. We were blessed, and the baby was spoiled rotten.
Since then, we've just been waiting on carpet for the nursery. Long story short, it's finally getting installed this week, thank God! The crib is in the garage, still in the box, we don't have all the furniture we need, and the front bedroom is a complete disaster with all the gifts and baby gear piled on top of one another. We don't even have a crib mattress...and yes, she'll be in a basinette in our room for a bit, but I don't have sheets for that either! I can't wait to be able to get the room all set up and organized!!
In health news: I'm 36 weeks, 3 days today. And I don't really feel that great, to be honest! I'm sore - I feel like my hands have arthritis - they hurt and I don't have much strength.. it even hurt to use a q-tip this morning! Yes, I'm swollen too. Good times. I expected my hips and back to hurt, so I'm not so concerned about that... but I will definitely be telling the doc about this new, exciting development at my appointment today. Yep, today. I just had one on Thursday, but apparently the doc wants me to get weekly Non Stress Tests, or NSTs for the rest of the pregnancy. They strap two monitors on your belly - one measures contractions, one keeps track of the fetal heartbeat. So that starts today. I'm a little worried about my blood pressure - it was high last week (for me) and I've been seeing stars every once in a while. Combined with the swelling & soreness, I am worried about preeclampsia, but I am trying not to panic until I talk to Dr. Byrd about it. Basically, if they decide to induce, I know the baby is fine so I'm not worried about that...the house just isn't ready! Dumb reason, I know. But I need a little more time to prepare!
Christian's wedding is this weekend... I am looking forward to it (and excited for him!), but I'll be honest, I'm a little annoyed. Bill & Ben were supposed to share a room, we were boarding the dog and C and I were going to have a night to ourselves after the wedding. Bill decided his wife and 1 year old son were going to come after all.. (there is a host of issues I have with this, but I digress) so that left Benny in the lurch for a room. Would YOU want to stay with them in the room with a baby?
So, being the nice (and martyr-iffic) person I am, I offered to go home by myself after the wedding and have Ben share the room with C. Really? A 37 week pregnant woman, driving by herself at night on Halloween after being on her feet (or at least out) for over 12 hours? Dumb. I know. But I'd rather go home and sleep by myself than deal with the drama. And also, now I get to remind C how awesome I am for doing this. :) Boys just don't get it.
We still talk about names...though we think we've decided, I keep going back and forth and can't commit to just one. I'm still working, though I'm more and more uncomfortable every day...and peeing 209375 times a night + bizarre baby dreams = not so restful sleep. Oh well. I guess I'll deal as long as she is healthy!
Ok, that's really it. Just waiting on the room to get finished, and then baby can come whenever she wants! I can't wait to meet her...and I can't believe it's so soon!
I did have my shower, which was awesome. Close friends and family, at my mom's house - totally casual, comfortable and great all around. We were blessed, and the baby was spoiled rotten.
Since then, we've just been waiting on carpet for the nursery. Long story short, it's finally getting installed this week, thank God! The crib is in the garage, still in the box, we don't have all the furniture we need, and the front bedroom is a complete disaster with all the gifts and baby gear piled on top of one another. We don't even have a crib mattress...and yes, she'll be in a basinette in our room for a bit, but I don't have sheets for that either! I can't wait to be able to get the room all set up and organized!!
In health news: I'm 36 weeks, 3 days today. And I don't really feel that great, to be honest! I'm sore - I feel like my hands have arthritis - they hurt and I don't have much strength.. it even hurt to use a q-tip this morning! Yes, I'm swollen too. Good times. I expected my hips and back to hurt, so I'm not so concerned about that... but I will definitely be telling the doc about this new, exciting development at my appointment today. Yep, today. I just had one on Thursday, but apparently the doc wants me to get weekly Non Stress Tests, or NSTs for the rest of the pregnancy. They strap two monitors on your belly - one measures contractions, one keeps track of the fetal heartbeat. So that starts today. I'm a little worried about my blood pressure - it was high last week (for me) and I've been seeing stars every once in a while. Combined with the swelling & soreness, I am worried about preeclampsia, but I am trying not to panic until I talk to Dr. Byrd about it. Basically, if they decide to induce, I know the baby is fine so I'm not worried about that...the house just isn't ready! Dumb reason, I know. But I need a little more time to prepare!
Christian's wedding is this weekend... I am looking forward to it (and excited for him!), but I'll be honest, I'm a little annoyed. Bill & Ben were supposed to share a room, we were boarding the dog and C and I were going to have a night to ourselves after the wedding. Bill decided his wife and 1 year old son were going to come after all.. (there is a host of issues I have with this, but I digress) so that left Benny in the lurch for a room. Would YOU want to stay with them in the room with a baby?
So, being the nice (and martyr-iffic) person I am, I offered to go home by myself after the wedding and have Ben share the room with C. Really? A 37 week pregnant woman, driving by herself at night on Halloween after being on her feet (or at least out) for over 12 hours? Dumb. I know. But I'd rather go home and sleep by myself than deal with the drama. And also, now I get to remind C how awesome I am for doing this. :) Boys just don't get it.
We still talk about names...though we think we've decided, I keep going back and forth and can't commit to just one. I'm still working, though I'm more and more uncomfortable every day...and peeing 209375 times a night + bizarre baby dreams = not so restful sleep. Oh well. I guess I'll deal as long as she is healthy!
Ok, that's really it. Just waiting on the room to get finished, and then baby can come whenever she wants! I can't wait to meet her...and I can't believe it's so soon!
Monday, September 28, 2009
Dear Baby Cartz
Dear Baby,
These last few months have been a roller coaster - some days amazing, some days terrifying. But I needed to tell you how much you are loved, and how much I have loved every second of being pregnant with you, even when I don't love being pregnant. We don't know what you'll look like or what your personality will be, but we love you already. Daddy and I talk about you all the time, make silly plans, wonder what you'll be like, if you'll play sports, be book smart, love music, or all of the above and we can't wait to explore all that life has to offer with you. We know one thing: you will be loved like crazy and spoiled rotten. Even Uncle Mike came over this weekend and is SO excited about you...this is a big deal for Uncle Mike!
We painted your nursery this weekend. It used to be the office...and now it's the nursery and only the nursery. Daddy put so much work into that room, and I know you will love it. I cried thinking about how I can't believe how close we are to meeting you and starting all the amazing memories we will share in that little room. We are blessed to have you in our lives, little one, and you aren't even here yet. I feel so much anxiety and excitement and hope and love and pride and I haven't even gotten to hold you in my arms yet. I can only imagine the overwhelming emotions I will feel when you make your appearance, and I can.not.wait.
Love you always,
Mommy
These last few months have been a roller coaster - some days amazing, some days terrifying. But I needed to tell you how much you are loved, and how much I have loved every second of being pregnant with you, even when I don't love being pregnant. We don't know what you'll look like or what your personality will be, but we love you already. Daddy and I talk about you all the time, make silly plans, wonder what you'll be like, if you'll play sports, be book smart, love music, or all of the above and we can't wait to explore all that life has to offer with you. We know one thing: you will be loved like crazy and spoiled rotten. Even Uncle Mike came over this weekend and is SO excited about you...this is a big deal for Uncle Mike!
We painted your nursery this weekend. It used to be the office...and now it's the nursery and only the nursery. Daddy put so much work into that room, and I know you will love it. I cried thinking about how I can't believe how close we are to meeting you and starting all the amazing memories we will share in that little room. We are blessed to have you in our lives, little one, and you aren't even here yet. I feel so much anxiety and excitement and hope and love and pride and I haven't even gotten to hold you in my arms yet. I can only imagine the overwhelming emotions I will feel when you make your appearance, and I can.not.wait.
Love you always,
Mommy
Friday, September 18, 2009
31 weeks!
Baby Cartz is still cooking at 31 weeks! 2 months to go...so insane!
Nursery Progress: Walls are patched and sanded, minus one giant crack we still have to figure out what to do; baseboard is in; paint color & carpet selected!
Other baby stuff: Shower is in 2 weeks..that is crazy to me! My clothes don't fit, it's getting cool out and all I have is t-shirts. Does anyone want to buy me a new wardrobe? Me either... who wants to spend several hundred $$ for like 2 months worth of clothes? Ugh.
Other non-baby stuff: Poor little Jeppy hasn't been able to go to camp and see his buddies. This puppy has had more health problems... he now has canine papilloma virus, so he has these nasty growth/warty things in his mouth - which he no doubt got from another dog. And because we are responsible, we told the camp place and they said don't bring him in till the warts are gone. Well hello! Someone else brought their dog in! So poor puppy is stuck at home all day. And with C going to visit his dad so much ( finally out of the hospital after nearly 6 weeks!) and me being exhausted, there hasn't been much time to exercise him. I feel bad... I really need to make sure he gets run every day.
Next week is the Durham Fair, then the week after that is Kelly Clarkson with Amanda! So excited for both!
Oh, and the baby has a name :)
Nursery Progress: Walls are patched and sanded, minus one giant crack we still have to figure out what to do; baseboard is in; paint color & carpet selected!
Other baby stuff: Shower is in 2 weeks..that is crazy to me! My clothes don't fit, it's getting cool out and all I have is t-shirts. Does anyone want to buy me a new wardrobe? Me either... who wants to spend several hundred $$ for like 2 months worth of clothes? Ugh.
Other non-baby stuff: Poor little Jeppy hasn't been able to go to camp and see his buddies. This puppy has had more health problems... he now has canine papilloma virus, so he has these nasty growth/warty things in his mouth - which he no doubt got from another dog. And because we are responsible, we told the camp place and they said don't bring him in till the warts are gone. Well hello! Someone else brought their dog in! So poor puppy is stuck at home all day. And with C going to visit his dad so much ( finally out of the hospital after nearly 6 weeks!) and me being exhausted, there hasn't been much time to exercise him. I feel bad... I really need to make sure he gets run every day.
Next week is the Durham Fair, then the week after that is Kelly Clarkson with Amanda! So excited for both!
Oh, and the baby has a name :)
Thursday, August 27, 2009
ugh.
I have so much to say and can't, just in case someone specific ever reads this. I have tons of anxiety today, and it's making me sick. The baby knows it too... it's amazing that she can sense my tension, anger, and frustration and reacts to it.
Suffice it to say when people you love make horrible, horrible life decisions and there's nothing you can do about it, it sucks.
Suffice it to say when people you love make horrible, horrible life decisions and there's nothing you can do about it, it sucks.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Of all people....
Listen, I'm not a tiny person, and I know it. But I'm not ginormous either. I'm measuring on track for the pregnancy, while I've gained a little more than I probably should have by now, it is what it is. I have always had trouble losing and maintaining a weight - why I thought pg would be any different I don't know.
But to get an insensitive "are you SURE you're due in November???" comment from my mom blew my mind. I am furious with her and I cried all night last night about it. Hormonal? Yes. But really... of all people, why would my mom - who knows my body image/self esteem issues - think it's ok to say anything like that to me? I expect random stranger comments about twins or you must be ready to pop or whatever. But not from my mom. She has been ridiculously unsupportive throughout this pregnancy.... eerily similar to the wedding, where she didn't want to come across as pushy or bossy, so she was completely detached and uninterested. She doesn't share opinions, advice, stories, concerns, excitement, plans, ANYTHING.
I hate it. And I'm beginning to resent her. My mom is supposed to be there for me through everything and she acts like she doesn't give a shit - about me or the baby. I asked if she might want to stay a couple days after the baby is born and C goes back to work to help me. NO. She has also openly stated that she does not want to babysit (like one day a week to lessen the cost of daycare)...but that who knows, maybe her feelings will change when she meets the baby. Really? Thanks for caring and wanting to spend ANY time with her. She is so negative. She is so BLAH.
So I've decided to pretty much stop sharing milestones, appointments, ANYTHING baby related with her. I don't care if she doesn't.
But to get an insensitive "are you SURE you're due in November???" comment from my mom blew my mind. I am furious with her and I cried all night last night about it. Hormonal? Yes. But really... of all people, why would my mom - who knows my body image/self esteem issues - think it's ok to say anything like that to me? I expect random stranger comments about twins or you must be ready to pop or whatever. But not from my mom. She has been ridiculously unsupportive throughout this pregnancy.... eerily similar to the wedding, where she didn't want to come across as pushy or bossy, so she was completely detached and uninterested. She doesn't share opinions, advice, stories, concerns, excitement, plans, ANYTHING.
I hate it. And I'm beginning to resent her. My mom is supposed to be there for me through everything and she acts like she doesn't give a shit - about me or the baby. I asked if she might want to stay a couple days after the baby is born and C goes back to work to help me. NO. She has also openly stated that she does not want to babysit (like one day a week to lessen the cost of daycare)...but that who knows, maybe her feelings will change when she meets the baby. Really? Thanks for caring and wanting to spend ANY time with her. She is so negative. She is so BLAH.
So I've decided to pretty much stop sharing milestones, appointments, ANYTHING baby related with her. I don't care if she doesn't.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Speaking of hiccups...
I forgot to write that C got to SEE her hiccup last week at the ultrasound! It was awesome, seriously one of the best moments of all these appointments!
I could feel her and see her jumping a little on the screen... I said see that?? That's her hiccuping and the doc said it too! It still makes me smile that he got to see what I feel every day!
I could feel her and see her jumping a little on the screen... I said see that?? That's her hiccuping and the doc said it too! It still makes me smile that he got to see what I feel every day!
Baby progress - last ultrasound!
So today is our last appointment at UCONN for ultrasound & PR Interval measurement... While I'm happy I won't have to drive from North Haven to Farmington every Tuesday, missing a half a day of work, I will miss seeing her every week! Dr. B said I don't have another ultrasound for the rest of the pg, unless there is a concern, so this is the last time C & I will see her until we meet her! 13.5 weeks left... I can't believe I'm almost in my 3rd trimester. This is insane!
Her nursery is coming along...ok... walls are being patched & sanded, and we're going to figure out what to do with the floors. We were going to refinish the hardwoods and put a cute area rug down, but I think we're going wall to wall carpet instead. Easier to maintain, warmer in the winter, won't look weird being the only room upstairs with h/w floors, etc. Oh well - it was a nice idea while it lasted :)
Sarah scheduled my shower - and I'm excited! I didn't want my mom to have to host, but it's at my parents' house and I'm secretly relieved it won't be out at a restaurant or something. And I'm so glad it will just be family and close friends - PHEW! I hate things like that, and I'm really glad the pressure will be off. Now we just need to complete our registries!
I really gotta get my ass moving at work...need to build up a client base and have stuff in the pipeline in the next few months before I have the baby. I just can't get motivated... I need to, though!
In other news... Amanda's this weekend, Blink 182 the weekend after, then meeting up with Lisa & Heather in NY, then a weekend away with C in New Hampshire and I'm SO EXCITED for all of it! It's great to have things to look forward to every weekend! AND We got tickets to Kelly Clarkson (Amanda and me) - I'll be the big fat pregnant woman there, but whatever. Kelly puts on a damn good show and I can't wait! Gotta get all this in before the walmut arrives :)
Her nursery is coming along...ok... walls are being patched & sanded, and we're going to figure out what to do with the floors. We were going to refinish the hardwoods and put a cute area rug down, but I think we're going wall to wall carpet instead. Easier to maintain, warmer in the winter, won't look weird being the only room upstairs with h/w floors, etc. Oh well - it was a nice idea while it lasted :)
Sarah scheduled my shower - and I'm excited! I didn't want my mom to have to host, but it's at my parents' house and I'm secretly relieved it won't be out at a restaurant or something. And I'm so glad it will just be family and close friends - PHEW! I hate things like that, and I'm really glad the pressure will be off. Now we just need to complete our registries!
I really gotta get my ass moving at work...need to build up a client base and have stuff in the pipeline in the next few months before I have the baby. I just can't get motivated... I need to, though!
In other news... Amanda's this weekend, Blink 182 the weekend after, then meeting up with Lisa & Heather in NY, then a weekend away with C in New Hampshire and I'm SO EXCITED for all of it! It's great to have things to look forward to every weekend! AND We got tickets to Kelly Clarkson (Amanda and me) - I'll be the big fat pregnant woman there, but whatever. Kelly puts on a damn good show and I can't wait! Gotta get all this in before the walmut arrives :)
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Phew.
Chris's dad had his aortic valve replaced today - so scary.
We knew it was coming eventually...but not within a week of his last doctor's appointment. Whatever leak that was there was worse than anticipated and he has not been feeling well at all. I am at work, but C has been at the hospital all day with Elaine and Tim and apparently everything went well. It was far too recently that I went through this with Dad after his heart attack, and that was 'only' a triple bypass surgery, not a valve replacement. And this is his second one! I can only imagine how nervous and anxious they have all been all day, and I hope they get to see him in the ICU soon - even though he'll be knocked out & all hooked up to tubes and stuff, at least they can see him.
But at least it's over, he's out of surgery and can begin the long, painful, tiring healing process.
We knew it was coming eventually...but not within a week of his last doctor's appointment. Whatever leak that was there was worse than anticipated and he has not been feeling well at all. I am at work, but C has been at the hospital all day with Elaine and Tim and apparently everything went well. It was far too recently that I went through this with Dad after his heart attack, and that was 'only' a triple bypass surgery, not a valve replacement. And this is his second one! I can only imagine how nervous and anxious they have all been all day, and I hope they get to see him in the ICU soon - even though he'll be knocked out & all hooked up to tubes and stuff, at least they can see him.
But at least it's over, he's out of surgery and can begin the long, painful, tiring healing process.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Hiccups!
She is hiccuping! (Hiccoughing? I never know how to spell it). And it is so weird, cute, cool and just amazing! Tons and tons of movement every day with her kicking and punching and rolling around... and you can see my stomach move now when she kicks. You can't see a defined foot or a hand yet, but you can see movement for sure!
I'm 24 weeks, 3 days - technically she is viable if I were to deliver now, but let's hang on a little longer, little one.
Nursery progress - cabinets & the 'backsplash' of the desk are out. Desk and lower drawers are still in, but hopefully this week they'll be out. Now the walls...that's a whole other story. Holes beneath the cabinets are the size of a fist for the under-cabinet lighting wiring - through the plaster, through the slats behind the plaster... lovely. And when we took the backsplash out, the glue stuck in a bunch of places (it was really glued down!) and we made a couple more holes last night. Oh well... we'll learn how to patch with plaster!!
In Jen & Chris news -- we are trying to plan a vacation. Just a mini get away for before the baby comes - I have enough miles to fly us somewhere free, and Chris has points on a visa card for a hotel for 1 or 2 nights for free too! That will hopefully be planned this week, for the end of the month.
In just Jen news -- I can't wait for a girls' weekend with Lisa & Heather. I'm sure I'll be tired and sore after walking through NYC for 2 days, but it's totally worth it to get away and have some girl time! So excited! And now I have to get back to work...so I can afford all these things!
I'm 24 weeks, 3 days - technically she is viable if I were to deliver now, but let's hang on a little longer, little one.
Nursery progress - cabinets & the 'backsplash' of the desk are out. Desk and lower drawers are still in, but hopefully this week they'll be out. Now the walls...that's a whole other story. Holes beneath the cabinets are the size of a fist for the under-cabinet lighting wiring - through the plaster, through the slats behind the plaster... lovely. And when we took the backsplash out, the glue stuck in a bunch of places (it was really glued down!) and we made a couple more holes last night. Oh well... we'll learn how to patch with plaster!!
In Jen & Chris news -- we are trying to plan a vacation. Just a mini get away for before the baby comes - I have enough miles to fly us somewhere free, and Chris has points on a visa card for a hotel for 1 or 2 nights for free too! That will hopefully be planned this week, for the end of the month.
In just Jen news -- I can't wait for a girls' weekend with Lisa & Heather. I'm sure I'll be tired and sore after walking through NYC for 2 days, but it's totally worth it to get away and have some girl time! So excited! And now I have to get back to work...so I can afford all these things!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Nursery Progress!
I will post progress pics soon, but I'm so excited things are moving along... Despite not being able to take down the cabinets b/c of the electrical issue, C has really taken this on as "his" project and I came home from a walk last night to him upstairs, sweating, with half the carpet ripped out and the drawers out and downstairs. He is awesome!
And...Here's our bedding... So cute :)
Next up is finding an electrician..then getting everything out of the room and refinishing the floors, patching/sanding/painting the walls, putting in new baseboard, and putting shelves in the closet. No, not much to do at all :)
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Baby hearts
We had our fetal echo cardiogram yesterday and everything looked perfect, according to the doc! Based on the PR intervals over the past 5 weeks and the echo yesterday, he doesn't think we'll have any problems due to the Sjogren's & SSA-B antibodies. He did remind us that damage can happen very quickly, like in less than a week, so I'm still going for the next 3-4 weeks for PR interval appointments, but he was very happy with how her heart looked. Yay! Go baby! You could even see her mouth moving - like a little fish - it was awesome!
As for names.. we have a list of 20+, some we like, some have been vetoed. Both Moms keep offering oh-so-helpful "suggestions" such as Esmerelda, Horatia, Jethra... Some are real names, but we are basically ignoring all suggestions, cute or absurd - and Elaine called us out on it this weekend. We literally just didn't even acknowledge an email she sent - conscious decision on our part - and she was offended. We're happy to listen to suggestions, but we aren't giving feedback and we aren't telling anyone before hand. End of story. If you want to send me 10,000 names just to insure that we pick one of 'yours,' go right ahead. I will not stop you... But I won't respond either!
Nursery snags came up this weekend... C and I tried to start taking down the cabinets above the desk. The under cabinet lights have wires that are drilled through the cabinet, into the wall, and basically strung together behind the wall. We realized this after taking all the screws out of two cabinets and wondering why they wouldn't come down.... We thought we could just leave the lights hanging out of the wall, but once we realized the wires were through the cabinets too, no dice. So we'll have to get an electrician in there pronto to tell us what to do. Great, more $. I was so excited to start the nursery, and this kinda sucks...oh well. But we pulled up some of the ugly-ass carpet and from what we see the hardwood floors underneath actually look pretty good! Once we rip it all up, we'll decide if it's worth it to sand and stain or just get W2W carpet put back over it.
Some progress: we bought our crib and I *think* picked out our bedding. Put it on a registry, and C loves it. I love it too, but there are others I think are really cute too and don't want to regret getting one over the other. I may have to have a crib bedding intervention with Chris who is now obsessed with lady bugs. Cute, eh?
The most important thing is that our nugget is doing well. She kicks all the time, and you can now feel her kicks from the outside. It is just so cool to see her on an u/s and feel her move at the same time! I'm 23 weeks on Friday - technically 24 weeks is viability. Lets hope I make it a little further than this, though! I am anxious to meet her, but not this soon! If she only knew how much her daddy and I love her already...
As for names.. we have a list of 20+, some we like, some have been vetoed. Both Moms keep offering oh-so-helpful "suggestions" such as Esmerelda, Horatia, Jethra... Some are real names, but we are basically ignoring all suggestions, cute or absurd - and Elaine called us out on it this weekend. We literally just didn't even acknowledge an email she sent - conscious decision on our part - and she was offended. We're happy to listen to suggestions, but we aren't giving feedback and we aren't telling anyone before hand. End of story. If you want to send me 10,000 names just to insure that we pick one of 'yours,' go right ahead. I will not stop you... But I won't respond either!
Nursery snags came up this weekend... C and I tried to start taking down the cabinets above the desk. The under cabinet lights have wires that are drilled through the cabinet, into the wall, and basically strung together behind the wall. We realized this after taking all the screws out of two cabinets and wondering why they wouldn't come down.... We thought we could just leave the lights hanging out of the wall, but once we realized the wires were through the cabinets too, no dice. So we'll have to get an electrician in there pronto to tell us what to do. Great, more $. I was so excited to start the nursery, and this kinda sucks...oh well. But we pulled up some of the ugly-ass carpet and from what we see the hardwood floors underneath actually look pretty good! Once we rip it all up, we'll decide if it's worth it to sand and stain or just get W2W carpet put back over it.
Some progress: we bought our crib and I *think* picked out our bedding. Put it on a registry, and C loves it. I love it too, but there are others I think are really cute too and don't want to regret getting one over the other. I may have to have a crib bedding intervention with Chris who is now obsessed with lady bugs. Cute, eh?
The most important thing is that our nugget is doing well. She kicks all the time, and you can now feel her kicks from the outside. It is just so cool to see her on an u/s and feel her move at the same time! I'm 23 weeks on Friday - technically 24 weeks is viability. Lets hope I make it a little further than this, though! I am anxious to meet her, but not this soon! If she only knew how much her daddy and I love her already...
Monday, July 6, 2009
Weekend!
What a great but exhausting long weekend. I hit 20 weeks on Friday - half way! - and I can't believe it. That's it for baby news, I promise :)
Amanda came up Thursday night, and Friday was errand day - and cherry picking :). I'd never been before so that was really cool. Just a lot of running around the rest of the day, and a little cleaning. Ben came up Fri afternoon, and the four of us went to dinner, then home and crashed. We were supposed to go to fireworks in West Haven at Tracy's house, but with the weather being so unpredictable - they were calling for thunder/lightning from 8-11 - we decided to bail......and of course it didn't rain.
Saturday we had wedding bbq 2.0 with some family and some bridal party members. Great to see people, hang out, eat lots of food. I made Wyst's famous stout cake and it came out really yummy. Sat night after the parents left, we played poker -- high stakes with cheez its and pretzels. Hard core.
Then on Sunday 7/5...Happy anniversary to us! One year married/ 7 years together. I seriously can't believe it's been a year - SO much has happened this year! In our ever romantic, blissful marriedness, we went to Babies R Us and got overwhelmed with all the stuff we have to decide on... Later. Much later. I can't even think about that stuff now.
Then C took me out to a wonderful, delicious, ate way too much dinner at J. Gilberts in Glastonbury - YUM! And he got me gorgeous flowers with the sweetest note ever...even if I wasn't hormonal I would have cried. ;)
Very low key day all around, but it was still nice. The weekend went way too fast, and I feel like with people over, all the running around, etc I didn't really get to spend that much time with C... Hopefully now that there aren't any big events coming up we'll get to hang out more. And his birthday is coming up in less than 2 weeks!
So that was our weekend... 3 days but went by in a flash.
Amanda came up Thursday night, and Friday was errand day - and cherry picking :). I'd never been before so that was really cool. Just a lot of running around the rest of the day, and a little cleaning. Ben came up Fri afternoon, and the four of us went to dinner, then home and crashed. We were supposed to go to fireworks in West Haven at Tracy's house, but with the weather being so unpredictable - they were calling for thunder/lightning from 8-11 - we decided to bail......and of course it didn't rain.
Saturday we had wedding bbq 2.0 with some family and some bridal party members. Great to see people, hang out, eat lots of food. I made Wyst's famous stout cake and it came out really yummy. Sat night after the parents left, we played poker -- high stakes with cheez its and pretzels. Hard core.
Then on Sunday 7/5...Happy anniversary to us! One year married/ 7 years together. I seriously can't believe it's been a year - SO much has happened this year! In our ever romantic, blissful marriedness, we went to Babies R Us and got overwhelmed with all the stuff we have to decide on... Later. Much later. I can't even think about that stuff now.
Then C took me out to a wonderful, delicious, ate way too much dinner at J. Gilberts in Glastonbury - YUM! And he got me gorgeous flowers with the sweetest note ever...even if I wasn't hormonal I would have cried. ;)
Very low key day all around, but it was still nice. The weekend went way too fast, and I feel like with people over, all the running around, etc I didn't really get to spend that much time with C... Hopefully now that there aren't any big events coming up we'll get to hang out more. And his birthday is coming up in less than 2 weeks!
So that was our weekend... 3 days but went by in a flash.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Update on stuff...baby and not so baby.
Baby:
- We've started our weekly appointments at UCONN to have her heart monitored - they check the PR interval and so far everything is fine. We have a full fetal echo cardiogram in a couple weeks to actually look at her heart and make sure everything is forming ok, flowing ok, etc.
- We haven't done any work on the nursery. We haven't bought a single baby item (save for the I heart daddy onesie I got C for Father's day).
- Lisa got us our first girlie outfit - ADORABLE! C is still adjusting to her being a girl and he was a little taken back at just HOW girlie it was... get used to it, bud!
- I am 20 weeks tomorrow --- half way!
- I feel her kick every day. It's the coolest, weirdest, coolest feeling ever. Little pops, thumps, flicks... Love it.
- No names yet.
- I've gained a total of 13 lbs... 2 in first tri, 7 from week 12-16, and 4 from 16-20. Eh. I guess that middle time should be less, but it is what it is.
- I need new everything - bras especially. My bras are digging in under my boobs... by the end of the day I just want to rip the damn thing off. FREE THE BOOBS! I have like 2 pair of non maternity pants that still fit... but either don't or barely button. I need new pants, new shirts to go over the pants' waist line, and new bras. The money tree is just not doing as well as expected...
Non-baby (as in, real life):
- This weekend is 4th of July - Our First anniversary is Sunday the 5th! Insane...I seriously can't believe it's been a year. One year ago today I was getting my hair highlighted, running around like a mad woman to get final details done with seating, signs, baskets, gift bags, bbq, honeymoon packing.... What a wonderful, crazy weekend that was and what an amazing, eventful year it's been since! Job, wedding, honeymoon, house, dog, baby --- we need to slow down :)
- Amanda is coming up tonight, Ben tomorrow... and much of the wedding party is coming on Saturday (inc family) for a wedding 2.0 cookout! There will be noticeable absences, but I'm glad we are getting people together at the house.
- C has worked hard this week (when it hasn't been raining...) on putting bricks down in the back yard to extend the tiny "patio" that was outside the garage door. Eventually we'll make this into a real patio so we can have a nice table out there, but for now we just need a stable place for the grill (the new one...since the old one blew up and melted. That was awesome). We've lost one too many hot dogs because the grill was on unstable mulch, so we decided to get rid of the mulch next to the house and put (free from the ILs) bricks down to extend the pattern. It looks awesome!
- Mom and Dad celebrated 40 years last weekend... The three kids hosted a party at Tradition Golf Club in Wallingford and it went really well. We did photoboards, had music from 1969 playing, replicated their wedding cake, had similar flowers on the tables, and many of their friends throughout the years were there to celebrate with them. It was a beautiful afternoon! Go Mom & Dad!
That's a long update! Sorry Lisa :) You are the only one that reads this besides me...so basically I'm journaling so I don't forget stuff that happens!
And on a very important note... Happy birthday to Lisa Stadz!!
- We've started our weekly appointments at UCONN to have her heart monitored - they check the PR interval and so far everything is fine. We have a full fetal echo cardiogram in a couple weeks to actually look at her heart and make sure everything is forming ok, flowing ok, etc.
- We haven't done any work on the nursery. We haven't bought a single baby item (save for the I heart daddy onesie I got C for Father's day).
- Lisa got us our first girlie outfit - ADORABLE! C is still adjusting to her being a girl and he was a little taken back at just HOW girlie it was... get used to it, bud!
- I am 20 weeks tomorrow --- half way!
- I feel her kick every day. It's the coolest, weirdest, coolest feeling ever. Little pops, thumps, flicks... Love it.
- No names yet.
- I've gained a total of 13 lbs... 2 in first tri, 7 from week 12-16, and 4 from 16-20. Eh. I guess that middle time should be less, but it is what it is.
- I need new everything - bras especially. My bras are digging in under my boobs... by the end of the day I just want to rip the damn thing off. FREE THE BOOBS! I have like 2 pair of non maternity pants that still fit... but either don't or barely button. I need new pants, new shirts to go over the pants' waist line, and new bras. The money tree is just not doing as well as expected...
Non-baby (as in, real life):
- This weekend is 4th of July - Our First anniversary is Sunday the 5th! Insane...I seriously can't believe it's been a year. One year ago today I was getting my hair highlighted, running around like a mad woman to get final details done with seating, signs, baskets, gift bags, bbq, honeymoon packing.... What a wonderful, crazy weekend that was and what an amazing, eventful year it's been since! Job, wedding, honeymoon, house, dog, baby --- we need to slow down :)
- Amanda is coming up tonight, Ben tomorrow... and much of the wedding party is coming on Saturday (inc family) for a wedding 2.0 cookout! There will be noticeable absences, but I'm glad we are getting people together at the house.
- C has worked hard this week (when it hasn't been raining...) on putting bricks down in the back yard to extend the tiny "patio" that was outside the garage door. Eventually we'll make this into a real patio so we can have a nice table out there, but for now we just need a stable place for the grill (the new one...since the old one blew up and melted. That was awesome). We've lost one too many hot dogs because the grill was on unstable mulch, so we decided to get rid of the mulch next to the house and put (free from the ILs) bricks down to extend the pattern. It looks awesome!
- Mom and Dad celebrated 40 years last weekend... The three kids hosted a party at Tradition Golf Club in Wallingford and it went really well. We did photoboards, had music from 1969 playing, replicated their wedding cake, had similar flowers on the tables, and many of their friends throughout the years were there to celebrate with them. It was a beautiful afternoon! Go Mom & Dad!
That's a long update! Sorry Lisa :) You are the only one that reads this besides me...so basically I'm journaling so I don't forget stuff that happens!
And on a very important note... Happy birthday to Lisa Stadz!!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
It's a GIRL!
Baby Cartz is a little girl! C and I had our Level II u/s this morning... and there she was! Well, ok, I couldn't tell WHAT we were looking at, but the doc assured us she's a she!
Moms, Dads and siblings are all excited - as are we! Now comes the planning - for a nursery, gear, and a name! I can't imagine this battle will be fun :)
I'm having a little girl - a daughter - SO CRAZY!
I'm so excited to talk to her, sing to her, plan for her, buy stuff for her -- and know she's a her, not an it anymore. I don't want to wait till August to do the nursery, I want to tear down the cabinets and desk in the office tonight! EEEEK! I'm having a baby girl!
Moms, Dads and siblings are all excited - as are we! Now comes the planning - for a nursery, gear, and a name! I can't imagine this battle will be fun :)
I'm having a little girl - a daughter - SO CRAZY!
I'm so excited to talk to her, sing to her, plan for her, buy stuff for her -- and know she's a her, not an it anymore. I don't want to wait till August to do the nursery, I want to tear down the cabinets and desk in the office tonight! EEEEK! I'm having a baby girl!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
I'm dreaming of a.....
I have been having the weirdest dreams lately. So vivid, emotional, sometimes scary and just flat out bizzare! I often wake up, know it was just a dream, but can't get it out of my head and lie awake basically thinking about it, continuing the dream in my head, and getting more and more worked up about it.
Last night it was Chris deciding he wanted to do drugs. He was choosing drugs over me and the baby - all.out.brawl. Packed my stuff and left - screaming, hitting him...I was SO ANGRY. Others haven't been so emotional, just weird. Like I-can't-even-explain-what-the-hell-happened weird - they just make no sense at all, but while I'm having them and when I wake up, they seem so real!
Apparently this is 'normal' - hormones messing with my REM sleep or something... plus my subconscious going through all my fears, anxiety, excitement, etc. As if I'm sleeping well anyways? Um, no. Uncomfortable as hell, and I know it's only going to get worse as I get bigger. Just what I need, bizarro dreams to interrupt my beauty and baby sleep!
Last night it was Chris deciding he wanted to do drugs. He was choosing drugs over me and the baby - all.out.brawl. Packed my stuff and left - screaming, hitting him...I was SO ANGRY. Others haven't been so emotional, just weird. Like I-can't-even-explain-what-the-hell-happened weird - they just make no sense at all, but while I'm having them and when I wake up, they seem so real!
Apparently this is 'normal' - hormones messing with my REM sleep or something... plus my subconscious going through all my fears, anxiety, excitement, etc. As if I'm sleeping well anyways? Um, no. Uncomfortable as hell, and I know it's only going to get worse as I get bigger. Just what I need, bizarro dreams to interrupt my beauty and baby sleep!
Boy or girl??
We are finding out on THURSDAY - that's 2 days away! - if this little walmut is a girl or a boy.
All along, I was so sure it was a boy. Positive. Called it he, planned nursery colors in my head, thought about names.... And now my dreams are completely messing with me - I have no idea!
I can't wait... I can't wait to know, I can't wait to see Chris's face when we find out, I can't wait to plan a nursery, I can't wait to pick a name (well, I can wait for the disagreements...but deciding finally will be amazing!), I can't wait to dream about our little baby and all the future holds for him or her. For some reason, I think knowing girl/boy will make me feel closer to the nugget. Ok, I can't get much closer, it's inside me, but I mean have more of a connection....be able to talk to it more, sing to it, tell it stories about all the awesome things it's going to do and pretend I'm not scared shitless to become it's mom. I hope babies can't sense fear in utero, I really do.
In completely unrelated news... I have a peony bush/plant in our front yard that I didn't know about. I love peonies. I wanted them in my wedding bouquet, and ours is a deep magenta - it's gorgeous. So I picked some to bring to work...the smell is so unbelievably strong it's making me want to hurl...and it's making me not like peonies as much!
All along, I was so sure it was a boy. Positive. Called it he, planned nursery colors in my head, thought about names.... And now my dreams are completely messing with me - I have no idea!
I can't wait... I can't wait to know, I can't wait to see Chris's face when we find out, I can't wait to plan a nursery, I can't wait to pick a name (well, I can wait for the disagreements...but deciding finally will be amazing!), I can't wait to dream about our little baby and all the future holds for him or her. For some reason, I think knowing girl/boy will make me feel closer to the nugget. Ok, I can't get much closer, it's inside me, but I mean have more of a connection....be able to talk to it more, sing to it, tell it stories about all the awesome things it's going to do and pretend I'm not scared shitless to become it's mom. I hope babies can't sense fear in utero, I really do.
In completely unrelated news... I have a peony bush/plant in our front yard that I didn't know about. I love peonies. I wanted them in my wedding bouquet, and ours is a deep magenta - it's gorgeous. So I picked some to bring to work...the smell is so unbelievably strong it's making me want to hurl...and it's making me not like peonies as much!
Monday, June 1, 2009
Um...
Was that a kick? I really, truly just think I felt a little kick. EEEEEEK!
So I pushed down on my ute just to check...and BabyCartz kicked back! Apparently he/she doesn't like mommy pushing them around!
Sorry kid, now that I know that, I'm going to be doing it all.the.time. That was so cool. And I can't wait until I feel them stronger and more regularly!
I called C to tell him and now we both have dumb grins on our faces. Too bad I can't see him for a day or two (house is being painted, sleeping at mom & dad's while he's home on furlough w/ the dog). EEEK!! Baby kicks!
So I pushed down on my ute just to check...and BabyCartz kicked back! Apparently he/she doesn't like mommy pushing them around!
Sorry kid, now that I know that, I'm going to be doing it all.the.time. That was so cool. And I can't wait until I feel them stronger and more regularly!
I called C to tell him and now we both have dumb grins on our faces. Too bad I can't see him for a day or two (house is being painted, sleeping at mom & dad's while he's home on furlough w/ the dog). EEEK!! Baby kicks!
Weekend recap
Mike (Spikey)'s wedding was this weekend - ceremony at a beautiful cathedral in Providence, reception at the Yacht Club on the water in Newport. I feel swanky just writing that! It was gorgeous - the weather was perfect, Mike looked SO happy, and Dot looked beautiful. It was a great party, and awesome to hang out with Amanda, Beth, & Mat again. I may have even convinced C that Newport is the way to go for our little babymoon, because it was so nice and the B&B we stayed at was so cute.
I wrote last week that I sort of finally looked pregnant... Well that comes with pluses and minuses.
The plus: I had a cute baby bump in my dress at the wedding :)
The minus: I came into work today and Jay, who's been out for 2 weeks with knee surgery, said I look "chunky." I could have slapped him - Who says that to ANY woman, let alone a pregnant lady? Chunky? Really?? The comments have started! I really need to come up with great comebacks for the next 6 months or so!
I wrote last week that I sort of finally looked pregnant... Well that comes with pluses and minuses.
The plus: I had a cute baby bump in my dress at the wedding :)
The minus: I came into work today and Jay, who's been out for 2 weeks with knee surgery, said I look "chunky." I could have slapped him - Who says that to ANY woman, let alone a pregnant lady? Chunky? Really?? The comments have started! I really need to come up with great comebacks for the next 6 months or so!
Friday, May 29, 2009
New Stage
So over the last couple days, I have sort of started looking pregnant! Not chubby, but actually pregnant! Like there's a BabyCartz in there!
Yesterday C was so adorable... He walked in from work, told me I looked like a beautiful pregnant woman. For the love of hormones, boy - you know I lost it and started crying.
So that is my new stage. Sort of looking pregnant :)
Yesterday C was so adorable... He walked in from work, told me I looked like a beautiful pregnant woman. For the love of hormones, boy - you know I lost it and started crying.
So that is my new stage. Sort of looking pregnant :)
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Mmmm Donuts..
After taking puppy for a walk this morning, it was too late to have breakfast so I stopped at Dunks to get a bagel on the way to work. Which I did. And while ordering, I noticed the 'manager's special' donut was chocolate butternut, which they never have... If there is someone out there who hasn't had the amazing experience of a chocolate butternut donut from DD, let me describe it for you: Heaven. Chocolate donut covered in toasted coconut. Mmmmm. Serioiusly - how do they expect me to resist that?
So not only did I eat the cinnamon raisin bagel with plain cream cheese (I didn't even get light cc today... so bad), but I had fruit for Sally's birthday at the office and the donut. And it's only 10:20 AM.
So not only did I eat the cinnamon raisin bagel with plain cream cheese (I didn't even get light cc today... so bad), but I had fruit for Sally's birthday at the office and the donut. And it's only 10:20 AM.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
My Favorite River
...is apparently The Nile. As in...DEnial. Why doesn't it feel real yet? Sure, I couldn't have a drink at the bar on Saturday or a beer at our Memorial Day picnic yesterday. But so what?
We haven't done a single thing to get ready. What is wrong with us?
Not one thing has been moved/cleaned from the war zone we call an office...which is supposed to become the nursery. We haven't looked at (never mind budgeted for let alone discussed) daycare. Haven't thought about pediatricians. I bought a cute "I (heart) Daddy" onesie for C for Father's Day, but I opened it, said "oh how cute, look how tiny it is" and put it back in the box. We told C's grandfather, Bub, yesterday...our last living grandparent. I have had more than 4 ultrasounds already and heard the heartbeat twice. I finally bought some maternity clothes this weekend, but wore my regular clothes for the last 3 days instead.
I'm nearly 15 weeks and, though I feel twinges now and then, it just doesn't seem real yet. I know my belly will get bigger, I'll feel little kicks in just a few short weeks, and we'll find out if it's a girl or a boy in less than a month. But I wonder if it'll truly feel real until I'm holding our little walmut in my arms.
I don't know if it's the Sjogren's that has me worried about the health, hearing about a high school friend who just lost her baby at 25 weeks and had to deliver, or the fear that we simply aren't ready....but I just have this "don't get your hopes up" nagging, paranoid, ANNOYING feeling. I want to get my hopes up. I want to get even more excited and nervous and elated and giddy about our baby.
I hear/read birth stories, see pictures of newborns or just hear a song that makes me think of our baby and I cry. The hormones are kicking my ass. And I want to experience everything I read and see and hear about how amazing having a baby is, meeting your little one for the first time, and I know I will...in November.
In the mean time, I wait. To look pregnant, feel kicks, find out the sex, wear maternity clothes, buy our first baby item (and in order to do that we actually need to research something about baby stuff...), take apart the office, assemble it as a nursery and maybe actually just FEEL pregnant and like we're going to have a new family member in a few months.
And a little disclaimer: I don't mean this as a whiny pity party, I know how blessed we are to even be pregnant. It is just a weird time right now.
We haven't done a single thing to get ready. What is wrong with us?
Not one thing has been moved/cleaned from the war zone we call an office...which is supposed to become the nursery. We haven't looked at (never mind budgeted for let alone discussed) daycare. Haven't thought about pediatricians. I bought a cute "I (heart) Daddy" onesie for C for Father's Day, but I opened it, said "oh how cute, look how tiny it is" and put it back in the box. We told C's grandfather, Bub, yesterday...our last living grandparent. I have had more than 4 ultrasounds already and heard the heartbeat twice. I finally bought some maternity clothes this weekend, but wore my regular clothes for the last 3 days instead.
I'm nearly 15 weeks and, though I feel twinges now and then, it just doesn't seem real yet. I know my belly will get bigger, I'll feel little kicks in just a few short weeks, and we'll find out if it's a girl or a boy in less than a month. But I wonder if it'll truly feel real until I'm holding our little walmut in my arms.
I don't know if it's the Sjogren's that has me worried about the health, hearing about a high school friend who just lost her baby at 25 weeks and had to deliver, or the fear that we simply aren't ready....but I just have this "don't get your hopes up" nagging, paranoid, ANNOYING feeling. I want to get my hopes up. I want to get even more excited and nervous and elated and giddy about our baby.
I hear/read birth stories, see pictures of newborns or just hear a song that makes me think of our baby and I cry. The hormones are kicking my ass. And I want to experience everything I read and see and hear about how amazing having a baby is, meeting your little one for the first time, and I know I will...in November.
In the mean time, I wait. To look pregnant, feel kicks, find out the sex, wear maternity clothes, buy our first baby item (and in order to do that we actually need to research something about baby stuff...), take apart the office, assemble it as a nursery and maybe actually just FEEL pregnant and like we're going to have a new family member in a few months.
And a little disclaimer: I don't mean this as a whiny pity party, I know how blessed we are to even be pregnant. It is just a weird time right now.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Lazy..
So it's been a while. After my 12 week appointment, I started feeling weird - like m/s returned, stomach was messed up, headaches started. Weird. Then I got all crampy. I went back at 13 weeks to make sure everything was ok and it was. I'm truly trying not to be the crazy pregnant lady who thinks something is always wrong - and I don't - but cramping is not fun. Apparently my placenta is over to the right and the baby is on the left side of my ute, so who knows if there was pulling or stretching or whatever. But all is well.
In other news:
Jethro has been better... but it's taking a toll. Every night walking him for an hour+, taking him to the dog park, etc. means not getting home and eating until almost 8PM. C & I swap, but we decided to start him in doggy daycare too to have him get more activity and give us two nights off a week. Yesterday was his first day and he did really well! We got his report card - so cute! - and he even has a girlfriend, a boxer :) AND - bonus - he was exhausted last night! Apryl came over for dinner and he barely even interacted with us! Let's hope his better behavior keeps up, and that we can keep up with his exercise schedule, too.
Are there seriously 230975 shades of terracotta paint? Because it is beyond frustrating to pick colors for the walls in our house. We are getting the kitchen, living room and our bedroom painted the first week of June when Chris is on furlough (well, as soon as we decide between a couple painters, whoever's cheapest). I have no idea what colors I want and I have like 2 days to decide. Awesome. Let's hope it doesn't come out puke green and school bus yellow!
In other news:
Jethro has been better... but it's taking a toll. Every night walking him for an hour+, taking him to the dog park, etc. means not getting home and eating until almost 8PM. C & I swap, but we decided to start him in doggy daycare too to have him get more activity and give us two nights off a week. Yesterday was his first day and he did really well! We got his report card - so cute! - and he even has a girlfriend, a boxer :) AND - bonus - he was exhausted last night! Apryl came over for dinner and he barely even interacted with us! Let's hope his better behavior keeps up, and that we can keep up with his exercise schedule, too.
Are there seriously 230975 shades of terracotta paint? Because it is beyond frustrating to pick colors for the walls in our house. We are getting the kitchen, living room and our bedroom painted the first week of June when Chris is on furlough (well, as soon as we decide between a couple painters, whoever's cheapest). I have no idea what colors I want and I have like 2 days to decide. Awesome. Let's hope it doesn't come out puke green and school bus yellow!
Thursday, May 7, 2009
If I only had a brain...
I had another u/s this morning, with my regular OB since I'm 12 weeks tomorrow (!!)... My mom came with me (C couldn't come) so she could see the baby - her mother's day present from me :)
In one shot you can see the baby's head, from straight on. IT IS SO COOL. You can see the brain developing, how it is split into two hemispheres. It looks like a little alien brain/head, but it is seriously awesome. Who knew you could actually see the brain grow! Crazy!
Heard the hb, saw little fingers, and the little legs were crossed. It was so cute!
I'm sad C couldn't be there, but really happy my Mom got to see the baby for the first time - maybe it'll sink in and be real to her now? :)
In one shot you can see the baby's head, from straight on. IT IS SO COOL. You can see the brain developing, how it is split into two hemispheres. It looks like a little alien brain/head, but it is seriously awesome. Who knew you could actually see the brain grow! Crazy!
Heard the hb, saw little fingers, and the little legs were crossed. It was so cute!
I'm sad C couldn't be there, but really happy my Mom got to see the baby for the first time - maybe it'll sink in and be real to her now? :)
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Disgusting
I just read an article on CNN that a man threw a baby out of a car window and the baby - not surprisingly - died. He supposedly fought with his ex girlfriend, the baby's mother, threw the baby in a car seat across a room and then threatened the mother, took the baby without the carseat and left...then proceded to throw the poor little baby boy out the window of his car onto the highway. It isnt' even his child.
I couldn't read the short article without crying and nearly puking. I would have cried even if I weren't pregnant, but it is even worse for me now. What an evil, evil person. I am beyond disgusted. I really don't have any wise words or anything to say. It is just disgusting.
I couldn't read the short article without crying and nearly puking. I would have cried even if I weren't pregnant, but it is even worse for me now. What an evil, evil person. I am beyond disgusted. I really don't have any wise words or anything to say. It is just disgusting.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Jethro...again
Poor puppy.
Kim, the lady we got Jethro from, emailed me this morning to check in. So I told her what has been going on, with his health issues (the current pee problem, especially) but more importantly his behavioral issues. She said he probably isn't getting enough exercise.
The kicker? She offered to take him back and give him to a family who can exercise him harder and more frequently. We know he needs more activity, but just because he hasn't been worked out, doesn't mean he can jump and bite and lunge and bark at us all aggressively! She offered to come over to see what's going on, and to have a trainer come over as a start. The longer we go, the less likely we can "fix" it..and if he starts biting she can't take him back at all.
We don't want to give him up! That's not really an option in my mind, but he can't jump on me and then when the baby comes, forget it! Aggression will NOT be tolerated once the baby is here! It makes me so sad to even consider that option, but Chris said he'll do whatever we have to to make it work with Jethro at home...trainer, classes, whatever!
Just makes me sad..I worry that we aren't good puppy parents, and I want him to be a happy healthy boy!
Kim, the lady we got Jethro from, emailed me this morning to check in. So I told her what has been going on, with his health issues (the current pee problem, especially) but more importantly his behavioral issues. She said he probably isn't getting enough exercise.
The kicker? She offered to take him back and give him to a family who can exercise him harder and more frequently. We know he needs more activity, but just because he hasn't been worked out, doesn't mean he can jump and bite and lunge and bark at us all aggressively! She offered to come over to see what's going on, and to have a trainer come over as a start. The longer we go, the less likely we can "fix" it..and if he starts biting she can't take him back at all.
We don't want to give him up! That's not really an option in my mind, but he can't jump on me and then when the baby comes, forget it! Aggression will NOT be tolerated once the baby is here! It makes me so sad to even consider that option, but Chris said he'll do whatever we have to to make it work with Jethro at home...trainer, classes, whatever!
Just makes me sad..I worry that we aren't good puppy parents, and I want him to be a happy healthy boy!
Monday, May 4, 2009
And also..
I can't stop eating today. French toast, watermelon, raisin toast, chocolate pretzels, cheese and more watermelon...and it's only 11AM! Insatiable! I weighed myself this morning and was the same as when I first got pg (on my scale anyways)...we'll see what happens when I get to the doc today after all this food! I just wish I could stop eating!
NT Scan & other things
I have my Nuchal Translucency scan (NT) today.... they measure the pocket of fluid at the back of the baby's neck and give you odds that the baby has Down's or Trisomy. C and I are both nervous...we know we don't have much reason to be, but still. I will feel MUCH better after we get the results and they are like 1:50,000 or something absurd like that!
In other news, Jethro is sick again. Poor baby... but when he feels bad, he acts crazy - jumping, barking, lunging, biting - behavior htat needs to end very, very soon. He's peeing in his house, and has this rancid smell in his groin. Doc said its an infection, and LUCKY US, we get to flush out his boy parts by inserting a syringe and ointment. And by we, I mean me. Because C is too chickensh!t to touch the dog, so he holds him down. Thanks for the help, bud. This is exactly what I want to be doing right now! Playing with my dog's junk! But he HAS to get better... we can't have a crazy puppy around the baby...
Also. I have no idea what to get my mom or C's mom for mother's day. I feel like it's gonna end up being a lame card-only year. We suck.
In other news, Jethro is sick again. Poor baby... but when he feels bad, he acts crazy - jumping, barking, lunging, biting - behavior htat needs to end very, very soon. He's peeing in his house, and has this rancid smell in his groin. Doc said its an infection, and LUCKY US, we get to flush out his boy parts by inserting a syringe and ointment. And by we, I mean me. Because C is too chickensh!t to touch the dog, so he holds him down. Thanks for the help, bud. This is exactly what I want to be doing right now! Playing with my dog's junk! But he HAS to get better... we can't have a crazy puppy around the baby...
Also. I have no idea what to get my mom or C's mom for mother's day. I feel like it's gonna end up being a lame card-only year. We suck.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
I just ate...
I just ate a cheeseburger. Doesn't sound all that impressive, does it? Well, I haven't had one since 1996. I have no idea what possessed me to eat one (I keep saying "the baby wants ...), but I figured since I actually wanted one, I'd get one. What I really wanted was a Big Mac, but figured that would be a bit much for my stomach to handle, so I toned it down a notch. We'll see how it sits!
I love our baby.
I think I've been in denial for the last 6 weeks or so since we found out... I mean, I know I'm pregnant, and I have morning sickness and bloating and bad skin to prove it, but I didn't FEEL pregnant, or really have a connection to the baby at all...
Until last night. (prepare for a little TMI)
I had to pee and didn't bother turning on the light (it was still kinda light outside). I saw a shadow that I thought was blood in my underwear and promptly started to freak out... It lasted all of .5 seconds until I could see it wasn't blood at all, but I still was shaken and started crying. Despite the 'high risk' label, the potential health problems, etc., that was the first time I was truly scared that I could lose the baby, and realized how much I love the little walmut.
Maybe it's sinking in? I have the NT scan next week, then a regular OB appointment - I get to see baby Cartz twice in one week! That'll hopefully make it all real again.
Until last night. (prepare for a little TMI)
I had to pee and didn't bother turning on the light (it was still kinda light outside). I saw a shadow that I thought was blood in my underwear and promptly started to freak out... It lasted all of .5 seconds until I could see it wasn't blood at all, but I still was shaken and started crying. Despite the 'high risk' label, the potential health problems, etc., that was the first time I was truly scared that I could lose the baby, and realized how much I love the little walmut.
Maybe it's sinking in? I have the NT scan next week, then a regular OB appointment - I get to see baby Cartz twice in one week! That'll hopefully make it all real again.
Monday, April 27, 2009
I heart Newport.
Newport was a blast! So much fun with the gang... many, many laughs and hysterical pictures to go with them!
I fell in love with Newport, too... I've been a few times, usually just on the main drag or to a specific mansion. This time, Amanda and I drove around before we left and it is just the cutest town... adorable shops, restaurants, beautiful houses, charming streets. I told C that's where I want to go for a babymoon...maybe 4 days or so this summer / early fall. I can't wait to go back for Mike's wedding next month!
Oh, and the conference in NJ was good too :) I actually did learn a lot, and hopefully its the jump-start I need to get going here at work!
I fell in love with Newport, too... I've been a few times, usually just on the main drag or to a specific mansion. This time, Amanda and I drove around before we left and it is just the cutest town... adorable shops, restaurants, beautiful houses, charming streets. I told C that's where I want to go for a babymoon...maybe 4 days or so this summer / early fall. I can't wait to go back for Mike's wedding next month!
Oh, and the conference in NJ was good too :) I actually did learn a lot, and hopefully its the jump-start I need to get going here at work!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
And we're off...
Well, I'm off. Heading to a conference in dirty Jerz tonight...don't be too jealous... and I'm coming back on Friday night. Amanda is coming over Friday, then Saturday we head to Newport for Spikey's bachelor party. As much as I'll miss C and Jethro, I need a full night's sleep, even if its by myself, in a hotel room in Jersey. No whiney puppy or snoring husband to wake up to... Sorry, but I'm looking forward to it! And I can't wait for Newport with OneT, Spikey, Beth and Banana! Been a long time since we all hung out w/o spouses... too bad I can't drink! Oh well... I suppose I can refrain :) Back next week!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Ugh - morning sickness!
Morning, noon, and night sickness is what they should call it. Seriously.....not good. I have had a few good days where I think "Yay! Maybe its over!" but I have not been that lucky. Its inevitably back the next day... I had a good weekend - a few times when I felt gross but didn't puke... and then today.... ew. Just ew.
I read on babycenter.com that people with motion sickness issues (um, hello? I can't sit in the backseat of a car, on a boat, landing an airplane, etc without getting sick) are more prone to morning sickness, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.
But really, baby, whenever you're ready, I'd be good with NOT puking when I wake up, before I leave for work, after I get to work, then again....then when I get home at night before I eat, then before bed. I'd really be ok with this. So can you help mommy out? Pretty please?
I read on babycenter.com that people with motion sickness issues (um, hello? I can't sit in the backseat of a car, on a boat, landing an airplane, etc without getting sick) are more prone to morning sickness, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.
But really, baby, whenever you're ready, I'd be good with NOT puking when I wake up, before I leave for work, after I get to work, then again....then when I get home at night before I eat, then before bed. I'd really be ok with this. So can you help mommy out? Pretty please?
Friday, April 17, 2009
Wedding 2.0
Its no secret that we weren't thrilled with our wedding photos, so we put off doing the album for months and months. Well, we finally got around to making some edits, and I have to say, I'm pretty happy with it. Its not as fabulous as others I've seen, pretty traditional but it was so awesome looking through photos of what was the best day of both of our lives, and now seems like an eternity ago. It truly was like reliving the day... C even got all emotional when we were looking at the pictures. I'm finally getting excited for our wedding album - it only took me 7 months ;)
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
A picture says 1,000 words
I brought the u/s picture to my parents' house yesterday... Mom said it was the cutest little blob she's ever seen! C is showing his parents tonight, and I know they will be excited. He finally told them about my health concerns and that I'm considered High Risk b/c of the Sjogren's...we've kept quiet because we never had an answer and didn't want to worry them, but now they are worried. We sent them the sjogrens.org link to look through and I got a concerned (but very supportive) email this morning...I don't really know what to tell them to calm their fears...I'm nervous, too!
Jethro has been a PITA lately. He has these moods where he goes absolutely nuts - in attack mode, barking, jumping, with teet beared... Its weird, and definitely not going to fly when I'm more pregnant - let alone when I have a baby in my arms. Puppy kindergarten is over next week and we may just invest in some additional training for him... Still cute, but worrisome. And he's not sleeping through the night. Michelle the hippie trainer lady said to tie him to the bed (like tether him with the leash) and not let him up to pee in the middle of the night. So we're trying that...he made it till 4am the first night and all the way till C's alarm went off at 5:30 this morning! He did whine a little, but he didn't pee and didn't bark, so it's a start!
Here's hoping for many more full nights of sleep before Baby Cartz gets here!
Jethro has been a PITA lately. He has these moods where he goes absolutely nuts - in attack mode, barking, jumping, with teet beared... Its weird, and definitely not going to fly when I'm more pregnant - let alone when I have a baby in my arms. Puppy kindergarten is over next week and we may just invest in some additional training for him... Still cute, but worrisome. And he's not sleeping through the night. Michelle the hippie trainer lady said to tie him to the bed (like tether him with the leash) and not let him up to pee in the middle of the night. So we're trying that...he made it till 4am the first night and all the way till C's alarm went off at 5:30 this morning! He did whine a little, but he didn't pee and didn't bark, so it's a start!
Here's hoping for many more full nights of sleep before Baby Cartz gets here!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Houston, we have a heartbeat!
Eeek! Today was our first ultra sound and appointment to talk about all the millions of random ailments between our two families.
And we saw the baby for the first time! Giant baby head, little tiny nubs of hands and feet...you can just see the fingers starting to form - simply amazing. Measuring at 9 weeks 1 day, but we are keeping the 11/20 EDD (though they are using 11/16 for testing purposes). And that little heartbeat is a motor at 174 beats per minute! I started to cry when I saw that...it was surreal, but awesome.
So the health stuff: I am high risk because of my Sjogren's. The SSA and SSB Antibodies I have can cross the placenta and cause heartblock..still not 100% sure what that is, but I think basically scar/fibrotic tissue grows...can be minimally affected or can cause heart failure and miscarriage. Great, eh? My Rheum said its not common, but I still have to be monitored frequently to make sure the heart is developing right...and if not, I can take a heart medication that will help the baby's heart fix itself. My OB said in all her years, she's never seen a Sjogren's patient have a sick baby. Lets keep that trend going, people!
Now, we pray that insurance will cover everything...from genetic counseling and testing, to the many fetal echo cardiograms we'll have, to whatever else is thrown at us!
Next appointment: Thursday 4/16 at 12:30 to meet the high risk OB, then a pm appointment with the genetic counselor.
I cannot believe it still. What a ridiculously wonderfully floating on air feeling that was.... and I know C is having trouble concentrating at work today, too!
I'll upload the pics as soon as C can scan them!
And we saw the baby for the first time! Giant baby head, little tiny nubs of hands and feet...you can just see the fingers starting to form - simply amazing. Measuring at 9 weeks 1 day, but we are keeping the 11/20 EDD (though they are using 11/16 for testing purposes). And that little heartbeat is a motor at 174 beats per minute! I started to cry when I saw that...it was surreal, but awesome.
So the health stuff: I am high risk because of my Sjogren's. The SSA and SSB Antibodies I have can cross the placenta and cause heartblock..still not 100% sure what that is, but I think basically scar/fibrotic tissue grows...can be minimally affected or can cause heart failure and miscarriage. Great, eh? My Rheum said its not common, but I still have to be monitored frequently to make sure the heart is developing right...and if not, I can take a heart medication that will help the baby's heart fix itself. My OB said in all her years, she's never seen a Sjogren's patient have a sick baby. Lets keep that trend going, people!
Now, we pray that insurance will cover everything...from genetic counseling and testing, to the many fetal echo cardiograms we'll have, to whatever else is thrown at us!
Next appointment: Thursday 4/16 at 12:30 to meet the high risk OB, then a pm appointment with the genetic counselor.
I cannot believe it still. What a ridiculously wonderfully floating on air feeling that was.... and I know C is having trouble concentrating at work today, too!
I'll upload the pics as soon as C can scan them!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
For my Lisa
I am glad you saw the previous post, but sad I didn't get to tell you myself. I pretty much wrote it for you, not knowing if you remembered about this blog...I hope you are not angry... we just made a decision not to tell anyone until we were in the clear from my doc with all the testing. I hated not telling you - C and I had many conversations to the effect of "I can't believe I'm not telling Lisa, I feel like a jerk..." I am sorry I kept it from you and you found out on the internet. To put it in perspective... a) you would have been among the first phone calls, no doubt about it and b) at least you didn't find out on facebook :) i love you lisa stadz.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
The best laid plans...
Not so much on the waiting to TTC. No TT...just C here. YUP. I'm pregnant!
Chris is beyond happy...there is not a word strong enough to describe his excitement.
I am 85% excited, 10% scared, and 5% annoyed at us for being careless. I guess I gotta get over that last part. Because here we are. And I am happy, its just still soaking in little by little. We went on babycenter.com and both started crying when we realized the heart was already beating. I can't believe it!! So I'm talking and singing to my belly and looking like a freak and I don't care!
Haven't told our parents yet - we're figuring out how to do that this weekend. Especially because over the past several weeks, I've continually mentioned how we are not ready, we will be waiting, etc. etc. etc. Like I said, the best laid plans...
Cope and adjust, right? So here we go... 5 weeks, 5 days pg. Due November 20, 2009. First ultra sound on 4/14....Fingers crossed for a healthy baby!!
Chris is beyond happy...there is not a word strong enough to describe his excitement.
I am 85% excited, 10% scared, and 5% annoyed at us for being careless. I guess I gotta get over that last part. Because here we are. And I am happy, its just still soaking in little by little. We went on babycenter.com and both started crying when we realized the heart was already beating. I can't believe it!! So I'm talking and singing to my belly and looking like a freak and I don't care!
Haven't told our parents yet - we're figuring out how to do that this weekend. Especially because over the past several weeks, I've continually mentioned how we are not ready, we will be waiting, etc. etc. etc. Like I said, the best laid plans...
Cope and adjust, right? So here we go... 5 weeks, 5 days pg. Due November 20, 2009. First ultra sound on 4/14....Fingers crossed for a healthy baby!!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Plans, plans, plans...for a baby??
The economy sucks, that's not a surprise. But I'm a recruiter, and companies a) aren't hiring; or b) won't pay a fee for me to find candidates. I have been here 8 months and made ONE placement.
C and I have started finally talking about when to TTC. I'm not ready yet, but its not terrible to plan, right? But... we bought the house, have a puppy, I have stupid CC debt, etc. and financially I seriously doubt we could afford a child right now (granted, I'd have 9 months to prepare & make adjustments).
I've never met a guy with such baby fever. Our friends Tony & Jill just got pregnant (their second child), and now there's little jokes about when are we gonna get pregnant so this baby has a playmate... Like I said before, its not that I don't want kids - I do, more than anything. I just want more time.
Am I selfish? Maybe. But it's more reality that's causing my hesitation. I know I can't wait forever, and "it's never the right time" as people say, but I am so scared that I won't be able to provide for my child, that I'll fail. Ugh. I'm stressed about it, and we aren't even TTC!
So, the tentative plan is...depending on how the job goes & if things pick up... Pregnant somewhere between Christmas 09 and our 2 year anniv in July '10. This is all based on not having trouble, which runs in my fam. C is happy I'm finally talking about it, but his baby envy has got to cool off a little. He doesn't mean to pressure me, but he inadvertently does.
A dog is enough for me right now :)
C and I have started finally talking about when to TTC. I'm not ready yet, but its not terrible to plan, right? But... we bought the house, have a puppy, I have stupid CC debt, etc. and financially I seriously doubt we could afford a child right now (granted, I'd have 9 months to prepare & make adjustments).
I've never met a guy with such baby fever. Our friends Tony & Jill just got pregnant (their second child), and now there's little jokes about when are we gonna get pregnant so this baby has a playmate... Like I said before, its not that I don't want kids - I do, more than anything. I just want more time.
Am I selfish? Maybe. But it's more reality that's causing my hesitation. I know I can't wait forever, and "it's never the right time" as people say, but I am so scared that I won't be able to provide for my child, that I'll fail. Ugh. I'm stressed about it, and we aren't even TTC!
So, the tentative plan is...depending on how the job goes & if things pick up... Pregnant somewhere between Christmas 09 and our 2 year anniv in July '10. This is all based on not having trouble, which runs in my fam. C is happy I'm finally talking about it, but his baby envy has got to cool off a little. He doesn't mean to pressure me, but he inadvertently does.
A dog is enough for me right now :)
Thursday, February 26, 2009
I am so dumb.
Totally locked myself out of the house this morning. Walked out the door from the kitchen to the garage, got to my car and realized I didn't have my keys. Thank GOD I had my purse & cell... I called C, he was not happy. I was over 30 mins late for work and made him miss an hour driving back and forth. Great start to the day. Ooops!
I could blame it on the blonde hair, being sick, tired .. But this is not the first time. In the apartment I probably locked myself out 6+ times in the 3 years we lived there. There was always a number to call or someone there to unlock it for me. I am the management now. This is why I need a butler. I'm building a strong case.
I could blame it on the blonde hair, being sick, tired .. But this is not the first time. In the apartment I probably locked myself out 6+ times in the 3 years we lived there. There was always a number to call or someone there to unlock it for me. I am the management now. This is why I need a butler. I'm building a strong case.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
So cute.
I'm sick. C gave me his cold (well, I blame him for everything, I could have gotten it from anyone). But Jethro is the cutest thing ever. Even when I get annoyed at him he's still adorable.
This morning I was getting my stuff together to leave and he was sleeping in the living room. I heard a little bit of rustling, so I went in to see what he was up to....He was curled up on the couch with is head on a pillow. He's not supposed to be on the couch, but I didn't even yell at him...it was too adorable!
I picked him up, put him on the floor on his blanket and walked out to finish up my stuff. I walked back in and he was back up on the couch in the same position!! I should have taken a picture... I'm sure he'll try it again!
This morning I was getting my stuff together to leave and he was sleeping in the living room. I heard a little bit of rustling, so I went in to see what he was up to....He was curled up on the couch with is head on a pillow. He's not supposed to be on the couch, but I didn't even yell at him...it was too adorable!
I picked him up, put him on the floor on his blanket and walked out to finish up my stuff. I walked back in and he was back up on the couch in the same position!! I should have taken a picture... I'm sure he'll try it again!
Monday, February 23, 2009
Looong week.
Well, Gramma died early last Wednesday morning, and the following 5 days were ridiculously long and tiring. I'm glad I got to say all the things I needed -Chris and I were there Tuesday night, and I told her it was ok to go. I'm happy C got to say goodbye too...
Now its time to get back to a normal schedule, a normal life, and hopefully get some rest.
Now its time to get back to a normal schedule, a normal life, and hopefully get some rest.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Hanging on..
Gramma is still hanging on. Its not pretty - she's having lots of trouble breathing, she's still not eating (drinking only), and is very weak, but she's still cracking jokes when she can and making sure we're all ok. She was worried about Chris (he had the flu this weekend and couldn't visit her at all), saw pics of Jethro and said he was cute... she's still Gramma, but it sucks to see her suffering. I feel bad for my dad who has to deal with everything - finances, legal stuff, my aunt who can't handle this, etc., - all while watching his mom die.
I'm tired and cranky today - it was a lot of back and forth this weekend. I didn't take care of Chris as much as I should have, but he was very understanding. I had the dog sleep in the spare room with me so he wouldn't bark in the crate downstairs and keep Chris up...but that kept me up every time he moved around. I just want to sleep! I have a corner cubicle...think anyone will notice?
I'm tired and cranky today - it was a lot of back and forth this weekend. I didn't take care of Chris as much as I should have, but he was very understanding. I had the dog sleep in the spare room with me so he wouldn't bark in the crate downstairs and keep Chris up...but that kept me up every time he moved around. I just want to sleep! I have a corner cubicle...think anyone will notice?
Friday, February 13, 2009
A positive post
I promise to post a positive post soon. Everything lately has been negative and sad.....
Now that it is written down, it must be done!
Now that it is written down, it must be done!
Just getting worse.
Gramma was even worse yesterday - less than 24 hours after I first saw her. I had some alone time with her - about 30 mins before my cousin Ryan got there with his girlfriend Jen and his son Noah. I told her I understood why she was giving up, I wasn't mad, and I loved her. I told her I wasn't ready for her to go, but I know she is. I held her hand - with my rubber glove since we had to be gowned and gloved to go in - and just sat there. I started crying, and she woke up for a few seconds and caught me... and told me not to cry. Always a Gramma.
Her breathing is more labored, and she wheezes as she exhales. Every few minutes she coughs painfully, deeply, and it hurts just to hear her be in so much pain, and to see her wince from it makes me wince. I could see her dreaming - her mouth would move, her feet would wiggle, like a puppy having a dream about running. I hope she was running...better yet, dancing. It's been so long since she's been pain free, able to be comfortable in her own body, and I know she is ready for it to be over.
Mike and Sarah come home to say goodbye tonight. I don't know what they will think, how they will feel, seeing her like that. She was so much worse yesterday than Wednesday even - I can't imagine how she is doing today. I hope she is still awake enough to open her eyes, hear them tell her they love her, and to say it back - that meant the world to me, and I hope they get that too.
When I left last night, I told her I loved her again, and blew her a kiss. She blew me a kiss back and said she loved me. The whole time we were there she didn't stay awake for more then 15-20 seconds at a time...but as we were leaving, she fought to stay awake and watched us leave. I hope that is not the last time I say goodbye to her, but if it is, I'm glad I got the chance.
Her breathing is more labored, and she wheezes as she exhales. Every few minutes she coughs painfully, deeply, and it hurts just to hear her be in so much pain, and to see her wince from it makes me wince. I could see her dreaming - her mouth would move, her feet would wiggle, like a puppy having a dream about running. I hope she was running...better yet, dancing. It's been so long since she's been pain free, able to be comfortable in her own body, and I know she is ready for it to be over.
Mike and Sarah come home to say goodbye tonight. I don't know what they will think, how they will feel, seeing her like that. She was so much worse yesterday than Wednesday even - I can't imagine how she is doing today. I hope she is still awake enough to open her eyes, hear them tell her they love her, and to say it back - that meant the world to me, and I hope they get that too.
When I left last night, I told her I loved her again, and blew her a kiss. She blew me a kiss back and said she loved me. The whole time we were there she didn't stay awake for more then 15-20 seconds at a time...but as we were leaving, she fought to stay awake and watched us leave. I hope that is not the last time I say goodbye to her, but if it is, I'm glad I got the chance.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Gramma...again...
I saw her.
And I hated it.
It wasn't even like seeing Gramma. We had to wear gowns and gloves. She was so weak and frail. She could barely move or talk, she kept falling asleep. She had two catheters in, her arm is still completely black and blue from falling nearly a month ago. She hasn't eaten in weeks - little bites here and there - but the nurse said Gramma has basically stopped participating in or responding to treatment. Dad tried to feed her one bite of pineapple from a fruit salad that was there - ONE bite. And she chewed it a little and then had me get a tissue and spit it out into it. She says she can't swallow. It was all horrible. I read her a card that was there that had arrived from Aunt Millie and it was all I could do to fight back tears. I left the room crying. I know she has given up.
Dad doesn't want her last days to be fighting about whether she's doing the right thing, or have people who are angry at her around, and I understand that. But I am angry. Its her life, I know, but I don't understand why she's not fighting for it anymore? He just went up to the hospital to try and feed her soup... I called my brother Mike and told him to come home this weekend to say goodbye. I don't know if I can go see her again. Just typing that makes me cry.
I have to say goodbye to my Gramma.
And I hated it.
It wasn't even like seeing Gramma. We had to wear gowns and gloves. She was so weak and frail. She could barely move or talk, she kept falling asleep. She had two catheters in, her arm is still completely black and blue from falling nearly a month ago. She hasn't eaten in weeks - little bites here and there - but the nurse said Gramma has basically stopped participating in or responding to treatment. Dad tried to feed her one bite of pineapple from a fruit salad that was there - ONE bite. And she chewed it a little and then had me get a tissue and spit it out into it. She says she can't swallow. It was all horrible. I read her a card that was there that had arrived from Aunt Millie and it was all I could do to fight back tears. I left the room crying. I know she has given up.
Dad doesn't want her last days to be fighting about whether she's doing the right thing, or have people who are angry at her around, and I understand that. But I am angry. Its her life, I know, but I don't understand why she's not fighting for it anymore? He just went up to the hospital to try and feed her soup... I called my brother Mike and told him to come home this weekend to say goodbye. I don't know if I can go see her again. Just typing that makes me cry.
I have to say goodbye to my Gramma.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Gramma....
My Gramma is not doing well. Dad said today that Aunt Carol is going - though she shouldn't be in a hospital because her immune system is so shot - to say goodbye "just in case." I think she feels like she doesn't have a reason to live.....She's apparently starving herself. Her stomach is messed up still from the nursing home "grip" that she and her roommate both had for over a week before she was admitted to the hospital, and she says she can't hold anything down.
I don't know what to think.
I know she's not happy, but I can't see her thinking its ok to just starve herself and let herself die. I'll be devastated if she dies, but I hate seeing her deteriorate - she's frail, thin (and getting thinner by the day), she fell - which is what got her in the rehab center from her apt in the first place - and could fall again at any time, she can't hear, she can't see well, she can't stay awake, she can't eat, she's depressed about her son, daughter, and nephew being ill, and that her sister just died. And I think she's stopped caring about herself.
I hate this. I hate death. Its not even here and just knowing its coming is unbearable.
I don't know what to think.
I know she's not happy, but I can't see her thinking its ok to just starve herself and let herself die. I'll be devastated if she dies, but I hate seeing her deteriorate - she's frail, thin (and getting thinner by the day), she fell - which is what got her in the rehab center from her apt in the first place - and could fall again at any time, she can't hear, she can't see well, she can't stay awake, she can't eat, she's depressed about her son, daughter, and nephew being ill, and that her sister just died. And I think she's stopped caring about herself.
I hate this. I hate death. Its not even here and just knowing its coming is unbearable.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Poop.
I think its an appropriate title, considering a) we have a puppy (!!!) and therefore a yard full of poop; and b) I had my first colonoscopy yesterday. A definitely offsets B, trust me.
Jethro came home to us on Saturday, but not after a traumatic double-eye surgery on Friday morning...he had two cherry eyes, where his third eyelid popped out and inside out... Um, did you know dogs had three eyelids? No?? Where have you been, under a rock?
It's weird.
So he looked like Satan Puppy (Devil Dog?) with these huge, red eyes - the eyelid completely covering his beautiful brown eyes and it was pretty scary...and VERY sad. We are struggling to put the ointment in, but he is adjusting pretty well. He is the most loving, friendly puppy ever - no biting, no growling (unless he has to poop...then he gets a little weird. We'll work on that) and he loves everyone. He's so happy! And his eyes are getting much better.
We just have to get him to like the crate better... its so sad to hear him whine and let out a couple barks when he gets in there. I will NOT be good at doing this with my child (what's it called? CIO?)
As for B... eh, it was fine. Prep was not fun, but supposedly all looks normal. I'll hear back on the results of the biopsies next week at my f/u meeting w/ the doc. The staff at Hartford Hospital were all super nice - I was very impressed. And I love anesthesia.
Jethro came home to us on Saturday, but not after a traumatic double-eye surgery on Friday morning...he had two cherry eyes, where his third eyelid popped out and inside out... Um, did you know dogs had three eyelids? No?? Where have you been, under a rock?
It's weird.
So he looked like Satan Puppy (Devil Dog?) with these huge, red eyes - the eyelid completely covering his beautiful brown eyes and it was pretty scary...and VERY sad. We are struggling to put the ointment in, but he is adjusting pretty well. He is the most loving, friendly puppy ever - no biting, no growling (unless he has to poop...then he gets a little weird. We'll work on that) and he loves everyone. He's so happy! And his eyes are getting much better.
We just have to get him to like the crate better... its so sad to hear him whine and let out a couple barks when he gets in there. I will NOT be good at doing this with my child (what's it called? CIO?)
As for B... eh, it was fine. Prep was not fun, but supposedly all looks normal. I'll hear back on the results of the biopsies next week at my f/u meeting w/ the doc. The staff at Hartford Hospital were all super nice - I was very impressed. And I love anesthesia.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Funerals suck.
So yesterday was my Great Aunt Lucy's funeral - my dad's aunt. My gramma is too sick to go, so afterwards when we went to see her in the nursinghome it was so sad....she kept saying "I just thought I'd see her one last time" and she was crying. That was the worst part. I didn't know Lucy well, but all funerals suck no matter what. I think one of the most awkward things is having to mingle at my cousin's house at the luncheon - when you don't really know extended family and you have to force conversation. So weird. Listen, I know its rude to say, and it was a somber occasion, but these things always turn into parties afterwards and I'm just being honest. Its weird.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
PUPPY!
I finally got a call from Kim the puppy lady last night... we talked for over 35 minutes! Things are looking good! She didn't grill me, we just talked about what C and I are looking for, kind of a 'do you know what to expect' conversation. She told me that Jethro was pretty calm, but very loving - she's bringing him over on Saturday for a 'home visit' ... she said, we'll call it that for now. But I think it'll turn into him coming HOME!! :)
It was snowing last night, I made chicken soup before C got home from work, and I got all sappy just picturing our little family growing, with a puppy running around. We are nowhere near the stereotypical family with wifey cooking, husband coming home late and dinner on the table, but last night it just fit in to place that way and it was so cool. Now I gotta wait 3 more days? Come on people!
It was snowing last night, I made chicken soup before C got home from work, and I got all sappy just picturing our little family growing, with a puppy running around. We are nowhere near the stereotypical family with wifey cooking, husband coming home late and dinner on the table, but last night it just fit in to place that way and it was so cool. Now I gotta wait 3 more days? Come on people!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Please don't waste my time.
There's a lot of people in this world who think its ok to waste your time. I tend to disagree.
I had an appointment with a potential client at 10am this morning. BigBoss and I drove to his office. He wasn't there - out sick they said. I never got a call, an email....nothing. So we turned around and came back. I think its rude - I mean, I understand people get sick, but his secretary knows I was coming and she had my number. I could have been working (true, I'm blogging now and NOT working, but the point is valid). So, I implore idiots of the world, please don't waste my time.
I had an appointment with a potential client at 10am this morning. BigBoss and I drove to his office. He wasn't there - out sick they said. I never got a call, an email....nothing. So we turned around and came back. I think its rude - I mean, I understand people get sick, but his secretary knows I was coming and she had my number. I could have been working (true, I'm blogging now and NOT working, but the point is valid). So, I implore idiots of the world, please don't waste my time.
Birthday Wiiiiii
So for my bday last night, C made me dinner - Chicken parm - which was awesome.. and pretty much the only thing he can make :). Then we played wii fit - my bday present! I am in love. It is so dumb, and so fun at the same time. And I am sore today. Pathetic, but true. And my tuna buddy Apryl came by and brought my flowers and tuna - love her :) She may also be the only person reading this, so I have to write nice things.
Heard from the puppy lady - she worked all weekend, and worked late last night, so hopefully I should hear from her tonight about finalizing things, and we might actually get JETHRO! Both my parents are against it.... you'll never have weekends free, what are you thinking.. gee, thanks. But he is so darn cute. He will be hysterical when we play Wii - Just picture it. I can't wait!
Heard from the puppy lady - she worked all weekend, and worked late last night, so hopefully I should hear from her tonight about finalizing things, and we might actually get JETHRO! Both my parents are against it.... you'll never have weekends free, what are you thinking.. gee, thanks. But he is so darn cute. He will be hysterical when we play Wii - Just picture it. I can't wait!
Monday, February 2, 2009
My first blog......awwh...
Well, I've been thinking about starting a blog for a while. I don't know if I have anything relavant, interesting or worthwhile to say (or anything to say period), and I doubt anyone will read it, but I figure what the heck, it'll be good to get some things out in writing. So here goes.
I'm Jen. I'm 29 today. Happy birthday to me :) Married to Chris on July 5, 2008, together for nearly 7 years, living in CT. We just bought a house in November, and we are planning to get a puppy in the next couple weeks. Basically the typical - what you're supposed to do when you grow up - stuff. Other than have a kid. I want children, I do, and C is dying for me to be pregnant...like yesterday...but I'm just not there yet. We never have the money to do what we want to do, we pay the bills, buy food, and that's about it (and yes, I want a puppy and I know they are expensive) and I want a little more time to be selfish with just me and C. I am beyond happy for my friends who are pregnant, just having kids, or trying to have them... I'm just not there yet.
And I feel guilty about it. My parents don't say anything, but my in-laws do, and I know my parents think about it. And C gives me 'the look' - the 'why aren't we on the same page about this?' look. And I feel guilty, but it doesn't change my mind.
So we wait. Maybe next year. Maybe in 2 years. Maybe it'll just happen and I won't have to plan it and stress about the fact that I have to plan it and I'm not ready...
In the meantime, I want a puppy! We've been waiting to hear if we are approved by a rescue adoption place and still no word. But I'm hopeful! It will be tough, but a welcome change of pace in our quiet lives-a fun, loving new addition to our family. I can't wait!
That's all for now... I told ya' - senseless, meaningless, rambling :)
I'm Jen. I'm 29 today. Happy birthday to me :) Married to Chris on July 5, 2008, together for nearly 7 years, living in CT. We just bought a house in November, and we are planning to get a puppy in the next couple weeks. Basically the typical - what you're supposed to do when you grow up - stuff. Other than have a kid. I want children, I do, and C is dying for me to be pregnant...like yesterday...but I'm just not there yet. We never have the money to do what we want to do, we pay the bills, buy food, and that's about it (and yes, I want a puppy and I know they are expensive) and I want a little more time to be selfish with just me and C. I am beyond happy for my friends who are pregnant, just having kids, or trying to have them... I'm just not there yet.
And I feel guilty about it. My parents don't say anything, but my in-laws do, and I know my parents think about it. And C gives me 'the look' - the 'why aren't we on the same page about this?' look. And I feel guilty, but it doesn't change my mind.
So we wait. Maybe next year. Maybe in 2 years. Maybe it'll just happen and I won't have to plan it and stress about the fact that I have to plan it and I'm not ready...
In the meantime, I want a puppy! We've been waiting to hear if we are approved by a rescue adoption place and still no word. But I'm hopeful! It will be tough, but a welcome change of pace in our quiet lives-a fun, loving new addition to our family. I can't wait!
That's all for now... I told ya' - senseless, meaningless, rambling :)
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